Mass Effect: Aftermath
by Showers' Inc
Summary: Post-ME3 (destroy ending). After the destruction of the Reapers and synthetic life, the crew of the Normandy struggle to accept the possible loss of their Commander. As the galaxy begins to pick up the pieces of what they lost, a new discovery could mean the war is still not over ... Garrus/FemShepard pairing, possible others to surface as story continues.
1. Shuttle

**Author's Note:** I'm a recent _Mass Effect_ fan, so I figured I would try to write a fic. I don't expect too many people to be excited about it, but I've worked on it for some time, and, hey, at least I can say I enjoy it! Thanks for taking the time to check it out.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters, or universe created for _Mass Effect_, with the exception of possible original characters to come out of the woodwork later. All properties go to BioWare for their creation (And thank you for creating them!). And credit to droot1986 of deviantart(.com) for the cover image.

* * *

**Aftermath**

"ETA, two minutes," Cortez said quietly.

None of those in the shuttle seemed to react to his announcement. In fact, aside from the hum of the shuttle itself, and everyone's breathing, there was nothing but silence.

James Vega, the bulky human, stood in the corner, pressing his body against the wall. His rifle was in his hands, as it always was, but it laid at ease, the barrel pointed down at the floor. His eyes focused on where the barrel as pointing, not allowing himself to focus on anything else.

Liara T'Soni was one of the few who were sitting down in the shuttle, squeezing her hands together in her lap. Vivid red veins spidered around her blue eyes as she looked straight ahead, but didn't really see anything. The tears rarely stopped after the Normandy retrieved her from Earth. It was unusual to see how the young woman (well, young for her species' standards) had kept so much back during their months before the completion of the Crucible. Here they were, as it seemed, in the aftermath of the biggest battle their galaxy knew, and they were alive. But she couldn't get herself to calm down. Not until she knew for certain what had happened to her best friend.

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy was sitting across from the asari, looking as dispirited as a quarian could in her enviro-suit. Her elbows rested on her knees, her hands dangling before her. The shotgun propped against her left leg wiggled slightly as she bobbed her right leg. She fought the urge to begin talking, knowing that everyone should be left to their own thoughts, but her own thoughts were consuming her, making her nervousness peak to untold levels.

Garrus Vakarian stood beside her, head slightly bent as he held on to one of the grips on the ceiling with his left hand. His right still held on to his right side. Turian as he was, he knew to swallow down any pain, fight through and keep going. Orders were orders. Dr. Chakwas had fought a losing battle to keep him on the Normandy, especially when the crew decided to go back to the Crucible/Citadel/Catalyst … whatever C-word the remaining beings alive decided to call it. He didn't particularly care. What he cared about was the fact that Shepard was still there somewhere, and she had her own orders to follow.

_"Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you … come back _alive_. It'd be an awful empty galaxy without you."_

One of the last things he would say to her, looking into her eyes before pulling her into him. The last push to the Conduit led to Liara and himself getting injured. Picturing Shepard walking away from the Normandy made his mandibles click angrily. Damn stubborn woman, he could've done something to help …


	2. Normandy (CIC)

If he had the chance.

Dr. Chakwas had pulled shrapnel and various debris from his side, scolding him for not allowing her to put him under for the process. Burns of varying degrees covered majority of his right side as well. The medi-gel and bandages kept him from falling apart, but as soon as she was finished, the turian was back up and heading toward the CIC.

Every one of the squad circled around the galaxy map, watching as the sensors picked up all of the movement of the ships around them. Joker and EDI worked endlessly to maneuver and duck the Normandy through the fights, using the cannons and slipping past the bulk of the fighting to defend the Crucible. Hearing someone had made it up through the Conduit sent a new jolt of hope through the Normandy crew. Only one person would have the will and, all of them had to admit, blind luck to make it that far. However damaged she may have ended up, Shepard was _alive_. And she was going to save them, as she always did …

A cheer of relief came out from the crew as the arms of the Citadel opened. Joker and EDI continued working together to fly the ship as the Crucible was released to be docked. There were minutes of breathless anticipation, searching scanners, ports … trying to find something to show their work had paid off.

"What the hell's going on?" Kaidan Alenko demanded, moving to stand by the airlock to talk to Joker.

"Nothing's happening …" Joker sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"

Hackett's curse was heard over the ship's communications. "Normandy, I'm not able to link to Shepard's comms. Is there anything you can do to access it?"

"One moment, Admiral," EDI said calmly. Her hands worked quickly with the holographic options of the helm.

Garrus had had enough of hearing it at that point. Maybe he could get the shuttle bay opened without too much interference. Cortez, who had rejoined the Normandy shortly after the shuttle not-so-smooth landing on Earth, was occupied with the rest of the crew up on the CIC deck; he wouldn't notice one of his back-up shuttles missing until it was too late. The turian thought briefly about asking Vega to come with him, so he had back-up that wouldn't argue about his decision.

A three-fingered gloved hand suddenly blocked the access panel of the elevator. Garrus hadn't even noticed the slight quarian approach from his left side. It was rare for anyone to catch him off guard. Of course, it was even rarer that he would be doing something so unspeakably stupid. Rarer still was the fact that he would be doing something so incredibly stupid for one person. But he had to. There were no options.

"Something tells me if I let you open that … Shepard will not be happy with me," Tali offered gently, looking up at him with her glowing eyes.

"Move, Tali," he snapped with more aggression than he meant. He considered Tali one of his closest friends, as did Shepard. The quarian woman had to understand.

"Look, I know, Garrus. It's taking everything in my power not to open the air lock and try to get to her. It's driving me crazy. But you know she would never forgive us. Not after all she's done; if you were to be hurt—"

"After all she's done, she shouldn't be left to deal with all of this alone. You know that."

"You have no idea how much I know. One being doesn't deserve this much pressure. But she can handle it. You know Shepard as well, probably better, than I do. When we see her next, I don't want her killing me because I let you go get yourself blown up trying to reach her."

"Shepard?" Hackett's voice interrupted their stare-down. "Commander!"

EDI had left the comms open on the Normandy. Garrus felt a growl grow in his chest. _Come on, Shepard_ … _Answer him._ The seconds of silence had everyone waiting with bated breath. It was there, in those seconds, that Garrus felt more pain than he thought imaginable. She was still up there; she _had _to be. _We had a deal, Shepard. No Shepard without Vakarian … You know that._

"I, uh—what do you need me to do?"

The woman's voice was strained, softer than he had heard in a long while. She sounded so tired, but it was her. Shepard was still alive. A collective sigh exhaled from most of the crew. Garrus couldn't fight the smile from his face, and he was positive Tali was smiling herself under her helmet. The two of them turned back to where Specialist Traynor was leaning on her terminal, gripping the sides as they waited to hear more. Shepard's sounds of struggle were faint, but they weren't hard to miss. She was in pain, but she was still fighting. _That's my girl_, Garrus thought as he leaned against the railing by the galaxy map. EDI had rerouted the War Room holographs of the on-going battle to the main part of the ship, allowing the crew to see the events unfold. Unsettling as it was, everyone wanted to know what was happening, and this was easier than having to verbally update.

The holographic image of the Crucible linked to the Citadel hovered in front of them, unmoving, unrevealing. Something was wrong.

"Nothing's happening," Hackett explained to Shepard. "The Crucible's not firing. It's got to be something on your end."

Garrus caught a shout of pain between Hackett's sentences. A few more seconds, the sounds of the woman he loved struggling with unspoken pain …

"Commander Shepard!" Hackett demanded.

The turian made a note that he would have some choice words for the Admiral were they to meet face-to-face again. Dire situation or not, no one had the right to speak to Shepard, _his_ Shepard, that way. His mandibles clicked angrily and his hands tightened on the railing he held. He wanted to tell EDI to patch him through, to let him talk to Shepard, not this human who seemed so great at ignoring her pain. This prick, as Vega would have called him.

"Pendejo," Vega muttered across the room.

That, too.

"I don't see—" Shepard finally came back on the comm. "I'm not sure how to—"

There was a soft thump then everything went quiet. More seconds of silence …

"Commander!" Hackett said loudly.

No response came. No struggle to keep moving, no rasping breath … just screaming silence.

"_Commander Shepard!_" Hackett snapped, surprising all of them.

This time, a screeching feedback sound made everyone flinch, then the communication link went quiet again. After a couple more moments, EDI's voice came over the ship's comms.

"I have … lost the signal," she explained with an edge of sadness to her voice. "I am currently unable to reestablish connection."

"God_damn it!_" Joker shouted, loud enough for everyone out around the map to hear.

Several people bowed their heads, defeat shadowing their features. Garrus exhaled heavily and leaned on his arms. He had to do something, _anything_; there was no way Tali could stop him if he didn't want her to. They both knew he was more powerful than most of the crew here. There had to be something … Tali's hand rested timidly on his left arm, an attempt at comfort. His muscles tensed, screaming to fight, to kill, to destroy. They didn't come this far, endure what they had to endure, see what they had to see, make the decisions they had to make, _she_ had to make, for it to end like this. It was unacceptable.

"Orders, Major Alenko?" a lone crewman asked, probably trying to maintain some sense of normalcy.

Kaidan was selected as the commanding officer while Commander Shepard was off-board. Most everyone assumed Garrus would hold that authority, but he declined it back when he first joined the crew after leaving Palaven. He had laughed when Shepard suggested the idea, stating, "And when do you plan on leaving the ship without me?" The woman shrugged, her eyes crinkling slightly as she laughed herself, "Good point."

The major walked down the stretch from the air lock, stopping where the room opened up around the galaxy map. He looked to all of the people standing around him, all who hoped so desperately for something to go right in this last ditch effort to save everything they knew to exist. Garrus could see the man struggling with his decision, weighing his options. Just to think, Shepard dealt with that kind of pressure every day for years.

"Joker and EDI keep the ship near the Crucible," Kaidan finally announced to the quiet crowd. "We continue to defend it and coordinate with the other ships. Cortez, there's a back-up shuttle in the bay, correct?"

"Y—yes, sir," Cortez answered, caught off-guard.

He nodded and looked across the map, past the holograms to make eye contact with Garrus. The two of them were never the closest of friends. Garrus thought it was partially because Shepard had gently denied his advances when they were after Saren. Then once he reunited with the crew to stop the Reapers, he came to find out that Shepard and Garrus were together. No matter the hesitation between them, they worked well as a team out on the field, covering both of Shepard's sides. At the end of the day, the two of them knew how important it was that she came home.

"Vakarian," Kaidan said, trying to suppress a grin.

Garrus straightened up and crossed his arms. "Yes, sir?"

"Pick your squad."

He just had to be sure he heard the man correctly. "And why's that, sir?"

"Reapers, be damned. She comes home, is that understood?"

A slight smirk spread across the turian's features. "Damn straight."


	3. Crucible

Standing and speaking to the Catalyst was exhausting. Never before had Shepard felt more tired, more spent. The pain had finally ebbed to a dull throb … probably because she was dying. If there was anything she was certain of, it was that she would die before the end of this. The chance to see if the galaxy was saved, the chance to see if her friends and crew-mates made it, the chance to see Garrus, one last time … all of it was not in the cards for her. She knew that.

Ever since Mindoir, she felt she was living on borrowed time. Maybe now that time was spent. She could rest, with Anderson, Mordin, Thane, Ash, her parents, so many others, perhaps even Legion ... They had done so much already. Shepard just had to accept it. One more decision, one more choice … then she could rest.

The light shimmering from the small boy, the Catalyst, made her eyes hurt. But she had to understand first. The being had emphasized that there was a chance she would be destroyed with the synthetic life if she sought to be rid of the Reapers. History was doomed to repeat itself; synthetics would eventually be recreated, and the process would begin anew. But it was possible to combine synthetic and organic existence? Shepard was living proof that cybernetics could sustain, even rebuild, a person, but to alter DNA itself to combine the two?

Evolution was leading them in that direction, at least according to this Catalyst. That, or this was a last-ditch effort to preserve itself and the Reapers. Synthetics were just as adaptable as organics. They could calculate alternate options, make new decisions based off of new factors. How could she be sure combining her … essence, for lack of a better word, with the Crucible would actually succeed in altering every other thing in the galaxy?

Hell, how could she be sure destroying the damn thing would mean it destroyed the Reapers as well? Or know that attempting to control the Reapers would prove successful, either? There was no guarantee for any of this, which is what she should have been expecting. Despite herself, she had hoped this last bit would finally be cut and dried, yes or no, kill or be killed … simple. She laughed to herself, even though her ribs hurt.

"Simple" was a word that no longer existed in Shepard's vocabulary.

The path ahead seemed to run for miles as she wobbled on her feet. Left, to control. Right, to destroy. Straight ahead, to alter existence. Another huff of a laugh escaped her lips, followed by a hiss of pain. Any path would alter existence, really. Such grandiose descriptions came to her in her last moments. Hannah Shepard always claimed her daughter had her head in the clouds …

A fleeting idea came to her. If she did use the Crucible to destroy the Reapers, there was a chance, though increasingly slim, that she would live. Shepard knew it was a selfish thought, but hadn't she earned some selfishness? So long she had worked to help everyone around her, reassuring them that there was a future, that everything they did was for a reason. Over the years, she had become this beacon of hope, the one thought to determine the fate of the galaxy. Countless times she wanted to give it up, to pass the power on to someone else. The idea of being responsible for _existence_ was terrifying, even now.

For a brief moment, she was able to visualize that warm and tropical place Garrus mentioned, watching waves lap against a shore … leaning against him as the sun (wherever it was) sank down beyond the horizon, feeling the sand under her feet as she curled her toes into it. It was hard to picture her amazing turian in anything but his armor, but she was fairly certain he would be open to the adjustment.

Did she not deserve the chance to live in the galaxy she helped save? A part of her felt shame for thinking this way, but another part ached for that chance. The opportunity to just _live_. Maybe, just maybe, she could have that chance …

Shepard shook her head to clear away those thoughts. There was no more time for maybes. It was now she made a choice, or the cycle would be completed, and the galaxy as they knew it would no longer exist. Her feet began to move forward.


	4. Normandy (Shuttle Bay)

"Something about this crew and suicide missions …" Tali sighed.

Garrus huffed a laugh as he adjusted his sniper scope for the fifth time. As usual, it was set just how he wanted it; he just needed something to occupy his hands. They had only been down in the cargo bay for a few minutes, but it felt so much longer. His nerves were on edge as Cortez did his systems check.

"Hey, Lola would do the same for any of us," Vega answered. "She already has for a lot of us."

"Of course, she has. She wouldn't be Shepard otherwise."

Vega grinned and turned his attention to Garrus. "Sure you can make it okay, Scars? Doc looked like she was goin' to pull her hair out when we left the CIC."

"She had the same reaction after Omega," Garrus shrugged. "I guess I'm not very good at following doctor's orders. Besides, Dr. Chakwas should know me staying here while someone else goes to find Shepard is impossible."

"Always the gentleman, wielding his rifle for the woman he loves," Tali said happily.

"I try not to show it off, but I pretty much am the perfect boyfriend."

The other two laughed before they all fell into a silence. Jokes and banter were done to distract them from what they could be walking into. Stubborn as he was, Garrus felt the sinking worry that finding Shepard could all be for nothing. Logic was one of his downfalls, as he began to steel himself for what he could see. Possibilities …

"Systems check good!" Cortez called from the shuttle. "Joker's looking for a drop spot."

Turian, human, and quarian stepped into the small sitting area of the shuttle.

"Might want to strap in," the man in the driver's seat suggested as his fingers worked furiously over the holographic menus before him. "It's gonna be a bumpy one."

Garrus allowed himself a deep breath before sitting down. Another few moments of waiting, then he would have the chance to help Shepard, at least one last time. He found himself thinking of the look on her face when the Normandy came to evacuate Liara and himself. Few times he had seen the look before, when she thought she was alone in a room. Hurt, struggle … something more than he couldn't quite place. Emotions were so easy to see on human faces; they could be read in moments. But Shepard was an exception. There was so much to her that so many didn't see, he didn't see. Given this opportunity, he would do whatever he could to see all of it again. Tali and Vega sat down to strap themselves in when they heard the communications.

"Cortez, hold up," Kaidan's voice came into the shuttle. "Something's happening."

"What is it, Kaidan?" Cortez asked.

"Looks like—"

"All fleets!" Hackett's voice cut into their communications. "The Crucible is armed."

"Shit," Vega muttered.

"Disengage and head to the rendezvous point."

The Normandy started shaking more violently, as if there was a force building around the very ship. Cortez put his hands down from the shuttle's controls, turning to look back at the three behind him. Garrus was on his feet. No, he was so close …

"I repeat: get the hell out of here!"

A lurch forward pitched him into the wall of the shuttle. The turian caught himself on the bars above his head, his right shoulder striking the hardest. Flares of pain erupted in his mind as the wounds in his side reopened. He could sense the blood pool inside of his already damaged armor, but he didn't feel it. In that moment, he didn't feel much of anything.

"Joker …" Kaidan's voice came over the comms quietly. "We gotta go."

"… Damn it …" Joker muttered, his voice weighed in defeat.

No.

"Scars …"

No. He walked wordlessly back to the ship's elevator.

"Garrus, wait …"

Garrus stopped by the doors, waiting for them to open. No, there had to be something. There had to be. He spent his entire life picturing the worst, knowing that anything at any time could turn sour. Best intentions were destroyed with the worst results. A "negative Nancy," or something along those lines, as Shepard jokingly called him once. It was a human saying for a person who never expected much, or always thought the worst of anything at any given time. But that was life, his life.

Not Shepard's. Shepard didn't deserve this. Death was inevitable; he knew that. He had accepted his own back on Omega, when he prepared himself for his last stand against the endless gangs. Then Shepard arrived, convincing him that there was still hope for this broken galaxy. For whatever reason, she saw its potential to come together. Destinies changed because of that woman's existence, especially his own, and now all of it could be taken away from him … for the second time.

Shepard never deserved this.

Tali and Vega were wordlessly beside him as the elevator arrived. The three climbed in as the ship took a huge surge forward. Vega caught Tali's arm before she was thrown into the wall of the elevator. Garrus did nothing to stop himself from striking the wall; in fact, the pain helped him to focus momentarily.

He had to shut it down. Drown it out. Emotional reaction was not what was necessary in this moment. Both of them knew the risk; both of them knew in those moments on Earth that it could be their last … Forget her face, that last touch of her hand on the sensitive skin of his scars, finally telling her the words he had been trying to grasp for months … No, he would never forget those memories. But he could turn away from them, at least for a little while. All of the people in the Normandy still had to be protected. Priorities. Order. They were easy to understand, to lose yourself in.

He would do just that.


	5. Normandy (Past, Engineering Room)

Tali'Zorah tried her best to keep from staring at Garrus as the elevator ascended to the CIC. The turian's face held an expression of steeled passiveness. It reminded her of how he acted when they met again on the Normandy SR-2, when Shepard was going after the Collectors with Cerberus's help. Something changed in Garrus the two years they were apart. Tali heard some stories of what happened on Omega, but he never told anyone the whole story.

Except perhaps Shepard. The two of them together brought Garrus into a calmer state, to the point where he was talking and joking with the rest of the crew. He was different, but in a good way. Now that there was potential that their commander would not come home, the turian's attitude regressed. Shepard had had a feeling that could happen. Tali finally understood why the woman came to her.

* * *

She had approached the quarian down in the engineering room, her favorite place to stay. Tali, Adams, and Donnelly were all in the middle of debates about the Normandy's fuel ejections. Contemplations that they went through too much fuel in too short of a distance had become a regular discussion, especially since the supply chains were shortened as the Reapers took over systems. EDI becoming more involved with field work was a factor as well, though they never really said it out loud. The AI still had ears all over the ship, and they would never mean to offend her. Inefficiencies in the fuel system seemed like something trivial to fuss about, but Tali had a feeling it was something to occupy their time.

The final push to the Cerberus headquarters was about to take place, and every crew member was nervous. She had just wrapped up a radio conversation with Garrus, who was arguing that weapon calibrations were just as complicated as engineering on the ship. She laughed to herself as the conversation ended. Ridiculous turian …

"Could I talk to you, Tali?" Shepard's soft voice came behind her.

"Oh!" Tali started. She didn't even realize the commander had been standing behind her. "Hello, Shepard. Is it very important? Adams and Donnelly wanted to try something with the engines …"

"Just a few minutes, I promise. It won't be long." Her voice was that of a Spectre, her "Yes, it's important, and it's not a request" voice.

Taking a moment to look at Shepard's face, Tali realized she was not doing well. Dark circles under her eyes were more apparent in the simple lighting of the engineering floor. Her cheeks seemed hollow, her skin pale. It was obvious she had not been sleeping or eating properly for some time. Of course, the stress of what she had to handle was almost too much, with even EDI vocalizing her worry about their commander's biometric readings the past couple of months.

"Yes, of course," Tali answered with a nod. "Lead the way."

Shepard smiled weakly before turning and heading to the stairwell between the engineering room and the main hall of the deck. The woman put her arms behind her, leaning on the railing while she looked at the floor in front of her. She just looked so tired, worn out, but she was still pushing so hard, fighting. Tali wondered if it was too far at this point. Genuine worry came over her as she looked at her friend, one of the closest she had made before. A woman who, knowing nothing about quarian culture, came to her defense and represented her in the quarian court, and helped to keep her father's name from being smeared … a woman who she trusted with her life now stood in front of her, already feeling defeated. Shepard was supposed to be invincible, this amazing being who defied odds, a legend. So many had forgotten, even Tali herself, that at the end of the day, she was just a person.

"I just wanted to say thank you, Tali," Shepard finally started.

"For what?" Tali laughed. "I think you've done more for me than most anyone I've known, Shepard."

"Thank you, for being here. For sticking with me all of these years, for believing me when no one else did. If it hadn't been for you, Garrus, and Joker … I never would've gotten past all of this. You three are the ones that have stuck with me through everything. Thank you."

"Well, you're welcome."

Shepard huffed a small laugh, her weak smile focused on the ground. "I suppose I started with the thank you speech so I could ask you something. Well, it'd be considered a bit of a favor … for me."

"Of course, Shepard, anything."

"Tali … you and Garrus …"

The quarian crossed her arms in front of her chest. Because of her helmet, Shepard was not able to see her expression of shock. She and Garrus? What was this crazy human talking about?

"I guess it's—" Shepard broke off, rubbing the back of her neck. "If there's anyone on this ship that knows each other well, it's you and Garrus. We've been close for these years, but you two have inside jokes, all of these stories with each other …"

"_Kee'lah_, Shepard, I—you don't think I would …?"

The woman looked up in her direction. "Would what?"

"Garrus and I … we're _friends_, Shepard. If you ever thought it was more than that …"

"What? _Oh_. Oh, no, Tali, I'm not trying to imply anything." She shook her head with a smile. "Though, in all honesty, the two of you would make more sense than the two of us ever have. But I know you, both of you, and I trust both of you without a doubt. Jeez, this is turning out to be a lot harder to say than I thought it would."

"Please, tell me what's wrong," Tali said sadly. She had never seen her friend struggle so much before, and it was beginning to upset her.

"Look, as I think you figured out by now … I love Garrus." She laughed again, though there was no real humor behind it. "For whatever reason, I've decided that getting feelings involved in all of this was a good idea."

"You've always had feelings involved, with everything we're doing, Shepard. You wouldn't be you otherwise."

"I guess you have a point. But I never thought I'd have them for … anybody else before." Another shake of her head, as if hoping to clear her thoughts. "I thought being alone was easier than … than the risk of losing someone I cared about again."

Her eyes were focused on the floor again as she continued. "Seeing what happened … losing what I did on Mindoir just made me believe that I had to shut it down. Maybe that's why I was so good for the N7 program. I knew how much everyone else deserved a chance to see the next day, a chance to live. Truth be told, I was never afraid of dying. I would fight with everything I had to save everyone else, except for myself. There was nothing for me. Until I met all of you." She smiled. "I never thought I would meet so many amazing beings through all of this. Human, turian, krogan, quarian, asari, salarian, hell, even geth and Prothean … all of you are so incredible in so many different ways, you've seen and done things I never thought possible. It was because of you—" She sniffed, and Tali noticed the first hints of tears in her eyes. "You made me want to have a life again, with friends, with love. That sounds so corny saying it out loud, doesn't it?"

"Not at all," Tali smiled. "I never thought my pilgrimage would lead me to you, or any of the others. I'm so fortunate to have found this group, and to have all of us become friends. Really."

"It's just that … I've been trying to be prepared for anything that could happen. Three years ago, if someone had told me that I would die, I would've kept going, without second thought. I think Garrus is the same way. I think that's why we came together so well. I also think that's why we found … I don't know, _something_ in each other that made us care … about one another and everyone else. One of the biggest concerns I had about coming back, when Miranda brought me back, was seeing how much all of you changed while I was dead. Something changed in him, but here, with all of us …"

"He seems happy," Tali finished with a nod. "He was so serious about everything when we were after Saren, so focused. Then when he came back to help with the Collectors …"

"It was like we were losing him," Shepard sighed. "I thought I had lost all of you. And, Tali, even if I'm gone, I can't stand the thought of that happening again. To any of you." Her voice cracked as the first tears came down her cheeks, but, as Shepard always did, she fought to continue. "So, what I came to ask you … is, if I don't come back after all of this, I just need you to … I'd like for all of you to keep looking out for each other, okay? I know, that's probably impossible, since you'll need to go back to your home-worlds and take care of your people, but I just hope—I just need to know that you'll be taken care of. Please, don't let him disappear again."

Tali stepped forward and hugged Shepard tightly. It was the first time she had seen Shepard break, to not have her stone face on while she dealt with death, politics, and unknowable circumstances. Shepard was just a woman, a person, who had been thrown into this position. There was so much on her to succeed, and Tali's heart ached for her. Without a word, she held on to the worn commander as she cried into her shoulder, finally letting her first walls break.

"I'm so sorry," she said after a couple of minutes. Her voice still shook with emotion, but she seemed to have control again. "I hate to put this on you, but you're one of my best friends, and I trust you …"

"Please, Shepard, it's all right. I'll do everything I can to help all of them. Especially Garrus, so he doesn't become a _bosh'tet_."

The woman snorted with a laugh as she squeezed her quarian friend one more time. "That's good to hear. Thank you, Tali."

"Of course," she said. "Just remember, the deal stands if you don't come home. When you do, you'll have to deal with all of the drunken emotions."

"Yours, too, right? Don't think I forgot our shore leave party, Miss 'emergency induction port.'"

"I never said you wouldn't have to take care of me. Of course, with all of the offers for everyone to buy you drinks, I'll make sure to save some of my toxic injections, just so you don't die from all the drinking you'll have to do."

Shepard laughed as she wiped at her eyes. "Your injections help with alcohol poisoning?"

Tali shrugged. "It's a working theory."

The two laughed and hugged once more before Shepard went to go up to her cabin.


	6. Normandy (Present, Cockpit)

Back in the present, watching the rage-fueled, forced-calm turian beside her, Tali wasn't completely sure what to do to help him. _Don't let him disappear_, Shepard had said. At this point, there didn't seem to be anything she could do beside leave him to his thoughts. Though that was a guarantee that he would slip away … but no ideas came to her.

Just as the elevator arrived on the CIC deck, another shudder went through the Normandy. Vega lost his footing, hitting the doorway with enough force to make him curse violently. Tali caught a hold of Garrus's arm to keep from falling headfirst out of the elevator doors. She straightened up to see crew members climbing to their feet, others assisting them to get back to their positions. James went to help Liara up from the floor nearby. Garrus continued on as if nothing could deter him. The quarian knew it was because her friend was struggling to keep control, but she could feel the cold, callus behavior quickly taking over his demeanor.

Kaidan could be seen getting up from the left side of the cockpit entrance. Tali suspected he stumbled into the airlock doors from where he was standing. In moments, all of the crew was back to work, their fingers working furiously over the holo-projections of the ship's systems. Everyone was quiet, the tense silence palpable as teeth gritted and eyes focused intently. Save for the general ship noises, and the occasional metallic _thunk_ as something struck the hull, there was nothing. Tali's senses screamed with nervousness as she went to follow Garrus.

The turian was at the cockpit in record time. Joker occasionally said a few words to EDI as he piloted the Normandy. EDI's hands moved over the holographic screen in front of her in a blur. Kaidan gripped the top of the doorway, his jaw set. He shook his head before turning to look at Garrus and Tali. His face fought to remain in control of his emotions. It was clear the man felt just as defeated as they did.

"The Crucible finally triggered," he sighed.

"What happened?" Garrus asked, all business in his voice.

"We're not completely sure … there was a big red flash before it fired, then all of the ships surrounding it were destroyed."

"So it's working, then? It's destroying the Reapers?"

"And everything else, it seems like."

"And there's a pretty big chance it's about to destroy _us_," Joker cut in.

The pilot and his AI co-pilot continued maneuvering the ship as the crew remained quiet, occasionally saying a few words to communicate the ship's status. Tali felt unnerved by all of it, but every one of them knew that if they didn't do their jobs, there was more than a strong chance that none of them would make it.

"Are we going for the relay?" Tali asked to no one in particular.

"If we make the jump, we can probably duck the worst of the blast," Kaidan theorized.

"I thought it was supposed to work on _all _of the Reapers," Garrus said. "Not just the immediate area."

"It's not like the one blast can travel across the whole galaxy … Maybe it wasn't done properly."

"It was Liara who found the blueprints. It was done properly."

"Then why is it destroying other ships?" Tali wondered. "If it's supposed to destroy Reapers … Maybe the Crucible can't be used to target one specific thing."

Garrus shook his head. "It makes sense the immediate blast destroys everything around it, high impact. But as the blast goes out, it'll disperse the way it's meant to. Reapers get destroyed, but everyone else is all right."

"It is targeting a wider spectrum," EDI's voice made all of them turn to look into the cockpit.

The AI had stopped moving her hands over her station, looking down at her fingers. Her face held an expression of contentment, as if she had come to an unspoken conclusion. Once again, the ship shook with force, pitching a few people forward. No one fell this time, but Tali suspected the crew would have to get to their strapped seats soon to ensure their safety. Joker continued working to pilot the Normandy, but risked a look in EDI's direction.

"What is it?" he asked.

"The Crucible is designed to destroy the Reapers, the result of organic creation. They themselves are not organic. They are not of natural creation."

"EDI, you're not making any sense …"

"Thrusters are inactive!" a crewmember called out behind them.

"What?!" Joker snapped. "There was no damage warning …"

"There is no damage present," EDI replied as the crewmember announced, "No damage reported!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Joker demanded as more of the ship's systems began to blink out. "Prepare for the relay jump, we can still make it!"

"The Crucible is meant to destroy the Reapers," EDI stated quietly. Tali could sense the sadness in her voice. "The Reapers are not organic life …"

"They're synthetic," Garrus finished, realizing. "The Crucible is meant to destroy synthetic life."

"What?" Joker repeated, looking over at EDI with an angry expression. "You can't be serious …"

"Do not worry, Jeff," EDI continued, a small smile coming to her face. "The Normandy will remain operational. It is machinery. I, however … will not be."

"What are you talking about? EDI, you're fine. You're right here."

"Brace for impact!" another crewmember called. "We can't outrun it!"

"Goodbye, Jeff. Thank you for all you have done for me. I lo—"

EDI's eyes closed, her body went slack as she slumped into the chair. Kaidan and Tali rushed forward to her just as the blast from the Crucible struck the rear of the Normandy. Several people fell to the ground as the ship rumbled. Joker's shouting was heard over the frantic beeping of the cockpit's controls. Tali hardly took notice of what he was trying to say, unfortunately. The strike against the ship sent her head first into a surprisingly hard object, making her disoriented.

"Engines are shutting down!" Adams's voice seemed to come from miles away.

"EDI!" Joker bellowed again. "Wake up!"

"Everyone, get to your emergency landing positions!" Garrus was calling.

Someone pulled her up from the ground, though Tali thought there was blood streaking the upper part of her helmet's visor. It took a moment to realize that it was Kaidan who brought her to her feet. The man put her arm around his shoulders and began to drag her along with him as they left the cockpit. She wanted to protest, to see if there was something she could do to help EDI … No words came to her.

Scarlet blood ran steadily down the side of Kaidan's head as she looked at the right side of his face. Obviously, he had been injured as well when the ship was pitched forward. Garrus was to Kaidan's right, pushing him through the doorway before going to stand beside the pilot's chair. It seemed the turian was struggling to get Joker's attention. Her eyes closed despite her best efforts, and she eventually felt herself being put into a hard-backed chair. Straps were stretched across her chest and lap. For a moment, she tried to assist, but hands pushed hers away gently.

"Just stay with me, Tali," Kaidan's voice was heard over the loud rushing in her ears. "Hang on …"

The rushing suddenly dropped into silence, and all she saw, or felt, was darkness.


	7. Normandy (Cockpit)

"EDI, damn it!" Joker exclaimed angrily.

"Joker, we're losing all the systems!" Garrus snapped. "We need to land!"

He reached the console for emergency ship communications at the back of the cockpit. Frantic beeping and squawking from the machinery around him put his teeth on edge. The higher frequencies made his sensitive ears hurt. Pressing the button, he started shouting over the din, trying to make sure everyone could hear his voice.

"Everyone, get to your emergency landing positions! Strapped in until further notice! Now!"

He turned to see Kaidan quickly pulling an unstable Tali to her feet. By the looks of it, the two of them collided before being thrown against the side wall of the cockpit. Kaidan's blood was potent and coppery in his turian nostrils as the major began to walk in his direction. Joker continued trying to speak to EDI, who laid motionless in her seat, appearing as if she was asleep. Unfortunately, Garrus knew better. AIs had no need for sleep … this was something much worse. He put his hand on Kaidan's back as he approached.

"Can you get her to a seat?" he asked.

"I got it," Kaidan grunted. "I'll get her strapped in. Just try to make sure we don't die."

Garrus stepped around him and Tali to approach Joker again. System alerts repeatedly screamed in all directions. Joker's voice became more strained and desperate, struggling to get EDI to open her eyes, to talk to him. The turian caught hold of the back of the pilot's chair as the ship shook again. In front of them, the windows revealed the approaching relay, massive in comparison to their ship. They were consumed by the blast. Garrus could hardly believe his eyes.

The usual blue haze of the element zero core began to be tainted with red. Another shudder went through the ship. Kaidan claimed the light to be red, and Garrus could see why, but it reminded him of fire. An almost indescribable combination of red, yellow, orange, white … it was a color that plainly reminded him of destruction. The metallic rings around the core stopped for a brief moment before they began rapidly turning the opposite direction. The brilliant illumination of the core had the turian instinctively putting his hand up to shield his eyes.

Garrus then took hold of the back of Joker's chair as the Normandy rumbled in protest.

"Joker, pull back!" he shouted, striking the back of his chair with panicked force. "We can't make the relay!"

"We can make the relay!" Joker barked angrily. "Make sure she's strapped in!"

"Joker, EDI's—"

"Damn it, make sure she's strapped in, Garrus! Please!"

A snarl of protest came from his mouth, but he went to do as Joker asked. His fingers felt clumsy as he fought to buckle EDI's straps down. For a brief moment, it seemed like the AI's body was attempting to move, but he chalked it up to the movement of the ship and his own fumbling. Despite himself, her slack expression reminded him of Shepard's face when she slept, when she wasn't having nightmares. Strangely at peace, yet … absent. Like the physical world was a plane she could abandon at will. Garrus always wondered what her dreams were like, but never had the heart to ask. It seemed, to the human race, dreams were often seen as moments of pure privacy; no one else in existence had the same one. He thought briefly that EDI looked as it she was just dreaming.

"Brace!" Joker shouted, snapping the turian out of his random thoughts.

The Normandy shuddered in protest as the ship went into the relay's glowing light. On a regular jump, the pass through the relay was hardly noticeable. This time, it felt as if the ship was being torn in two directions. It reminded Garrus of the SR-1's destruction, feeling the ship fall apart around them … he hoped the SR-2 wouldn't witness the same fate. Joker cursed violently, fighting to maintain control. Garrus clutched the back of EDI's seat, trying to keep from being thrown into the walls.

By some miracle, the ship's engines and thrusters reactivated. The Normandy's pilot whooped in victory as he kicked the ship into the fastest speed he could manage. Garrus straightened up to look out the window before them. He didn't recognize the system they had arrived in, but he knew that didn't particularly matter for the time being. Joker was focused on pulling away from the blast as quickly as possible.

Celebrations of the returned thrusters were short-lived, however. Behind the ship, relay's rings stopped spinning around the element zero core. A blast of light erupted outward from the relay. The Normandy was pitched sideways with the blast. Between Joker's strained shouting and the metallic retching of the ship, Garrus wondered if he was going to go deaf. Cacophonies were never good for turian ears. For a brief moment, he wasn't sure which way was up. The slight man to his left moved his hands frantically over his holographic controls, "shit" being his only known word at the moment.

Garrus's footing slipped from under him. He wasn't falling … actually, his feet began floating lazily to his right. The thought to inform Joker of the ship's apparent gravitational problem was short-lived as well, because just as quickly as he began to float sideways, the turian's thin, yet heavy frame dropped down again. He lost hold of EDI's chair, landing with a thump on the ground. Joker still fought with the force of the blast to correct the ship's port-side pitch. Garrus felt himself sliding along the floor as the ship turned practically vertical to its right side. He hated being out of control of his body.

Joker tipped the ship back to starboard, allowing Garrus the chance to catch hold of EDI's chair again. The turian man pulled himself up to his feet, planting them as firmly as he could. Chances to get to one of the safety harnessed seats were nonexistent at this point. Getting a grip was his only way to keep from ending up being thrown around the length of the ship. More frantic beeping came from the Normandy's controls. Joker's stream of curses became more animated as they beeping reached an apex of noise, then went silent.

"I lost everything!" he yelled, pounding his fist into the arm of his chair.

Even with the rattling of the ship, Garrus heard the bones of his right hand snapping from the outburst. Thankfully, Joker's anger allowed him not to notice it. "Everything?" Garrus asked. "What about the drive core?"

"Everything's offline! There's nothing I can do!"

The Normandy continued to hurtle in all directions at once, and with the helmsman without controls, they had no choice but to wait it out and hope that Joker did enough to get them by. Garrus never liked relying on hope in terms of survival. At the end of the day, you either died, or you didn't. The idea of "blind hope" was not in turian nature. You survived because you did everything remotely possible to make it so. Calculations, calibrations, analysis, strategy, execution … all of that and more were done to stay alive.

Now he had no choice but to literally hold on for dear life.


	8. Crucible (Firing)

The Catalyst remained behind her, watching her progress. Her ears rang, her head swam, and she could only assume her body was in her pain. A brief, faltering moment made her stop walking. Exhaustion washed over her, like a wave of heat. To stop, to rest, to just be _done_ was all she wanted anymore. She took a deep breath, staring ahead of her. In all honesty, the thought of dropping to her knees felt tempting, but she knew what was at stake.

Commander Shepard and her crew didn't come this far for nothing.

Shepard felt strangely calm as she connected her mind to her body, urging herself to continue forward. What made her hesitate was that she had no idea what the results of her decision would be. If she had learned anything over her years, it was that every action had a consequence. Her decisions were made under full awareness that she would have to handle the results. At the end of the day, she knew she would hold the brunt of the damage if something went wrong. Plus side of being the "leader," she supposed.

Her right hand brought up her pistol, feeling more confidence as she moved toward the power conduit down the short path on the right side. Right now, the only thing she could do was hope that she had done enough. She mentally apologized to everyone she knew, wishing she had one last chance to say goodbye. But perhaps this time, it would finally all be over. They deserved a chance to live; this universe that put her through so much, forced her to make so many decisions, and lose so much, deserved the chance to live. With luck, it would be enough.

The first shots at the power coils were wavered, uncertain. Shepard's eyebrows furrowed in one last act of defiance. She'd be damned if she was going to go out without something. Her left arm screamed in protest as she brought her other hand up to grip the gun. Debris and shrapnel flew past her as she kept walking toward the conduit, her shots steady now. New cuts on her face and arms went ignored as she stared at the erupting conduit.

Flashes of her crewmates, her friends, came to her as she continued to fire the rest of her clip. Ashley, Thane, Anderson, Mordin, Legion … and finally EDI came to her for a moment. She was aware enough to feel her eyes begin to well up with tears. Maybe this was her last chance to thank them. _Thank you, for everything you've done for me. I'm sorry I couldn't do more._

The power conduit erupted in a force of intense light and heat. Shepard was thrown backward by the blast, but she felt nothing. She was aware the pistol was knocked from her hand as she was thrown backward. Her subconscious told her her body had crumpled to the ground. A instinctual defense in her brought up her biotic barrier, though she somehow knew it was weak, as the explosion seemed to engulf her entire being. The commander assumed the Crucible/Citadel/Catalyst, whatever C-word they wanted to call it, was beginning to fall around her.

At once, the energy of her body drained of her, as if she was hurdling into an unknown darkness. She would have laughed out loud if she had the ability. Falling off of a cliff, that feeling in your stomach when you missed a stair and almost fall … that was what death was like. Well, peaceful death, she supposed. _Could be worse_, she thought. _Last time I was smothered inside my own damn helmet_. But she was determined for her last moments to be hers. The last seconds of Commander Shepard would be spent in contentment.

Garrus came to her mind's eye. Again, if she had the ability, she would have smiled. One of her favorite memories of him was in the main battery, making some joke as he tinkered at the weapon work bench. He turned and smirked at her before resting his rifle across his shoulders, his narrow but strong frame silhouetted by the light behind him. Shepard had laughed then, saying he belonged on a motivational poster on Palaven with that pose. His grin widened as he approached her, asking if the pose motivated anything from her. It was strange, but thrilling to see this once uncertain, frustrated turian exuding such confidence. Despite herself, she felt her insides flutter in excitement, like some teenager thrilled to have their crush look in their direction.

Shepard's lips met his rough ones without second thought, the friction sending another thrill through her.

Commander Shepard's last moments were spent in memory of Garrus Vakarian, codename: Archangel … her incredible turian. She asked once more for this final decision to be enough. No longer for her, but for all of them … for him. _Let it be enough._


	9. Shepard (Mindoir)

If someone were to ask Shepard years ago what her last thoughts would be before she died, they probably would have been far from a blue-eyed turian.

The woman had spent majority of her life focusing on missions, tasks at hand. As part of the Alliance Navy and eventually the N7 program, few things were expected of her beyond making sure the mission was complete. And Shepard was a peak-performance soldier. She maintained awareness of her body at all times, preparing for anything at any moment. Hell, at one point in time, she knew exactly how many ounces of water she needed to feel fully hydrated after training sessions. Calorie-intake, blood sugar levels, constant pulse checking, and her own testing of her adrenaline became routine. Some of her fellow soldiers considered her amount of focus and diligence crazy, even for biotic standards, but Shepard threw herself whole-heartedly into maintaining her body.

Focusing on her physical form left little room to concern herself about her mental and emotional states, after all. She was fully aware that the events of Mindoir had left her flawed … damaged. This was apparent the moment she regained consciousness on an Alliance recovery ship. Out of all the people that lived in her colony, less than 25 were recovered alive. The rest were either dead among the rubble or missing, likely taken on to slaver ships to be sold in other parts of the universe.

The then 16-year-old had difficulty recalling everything that happened; brief moments of memory were all that came to her: her father pressing the pistol into her hand, telling her to run, her little brother, Dame, stumbling to the ground in front of her as an intense heat burned through her left shoulder, throwing her off balance … Dame screaming as a hard boot struck her head. After that, she remembered nothing until she was huddled in the back corner of a storage warehouse, charred and smoking remains all but crumbling around her. Her right hand flared with angry welts and blisters on sensitive red skin; the heat from the clip of the gun had burned her. She could only assume that she had grabbed the top of the gun shortly after its last shots were fired, using the gun itself as a weapon.

Monsters were fighting to reach her. Those monsters that took her family and friends away clawed to reach her. Panic took over her body, and she felt a huge surge of energy erupt from her. Apparently, Shepard had launched a massive biotic pulse toward the front of the warehouse before dropping to the ground, unconscious. Her supposed attackers were Alliance soldiers who were finally able to reach the colony. They had been searching for survivors when they saw her half-dragging herself into the warehouse. It was her first-ever display of biotic abilities, but she managed to knock back four soldiers, and render two unconscious. According to the Alliance ship's commanding officer (Shepard never bothered to remember her name), it was a remarkable feat for someone without any sort of implants.

The girl was put through some psychological testing after the initial questioning. It was for her "safety," to make certain that she didn't "need extra help." Shepard was young, but she was no idiot. Despite everything that happened on Mindoir, losing everything and everyone she had known, she knew that being labeled as "mentally unfit" would be more damaging than anything. She had to be considered stable, for her own sake. Because she would never admit out loud how out of control she felt. _When in doubt, fake it_. Her father's joking advice was actually quite useful here. The questions were answered with a calm demeanor. She even risked a few jokes once in a while. By the time the ship had reached Earth, she was cleared.

It took some time, but she was able to find her aunt Estella, her father's sister, in New York. While she lived with her aunt, she worked to complete her schoolwork on her own accord. Thankfully, Estella never pushed her to go back into public school. Shepard also took the time to look into the Alliance military, joining impromptu training sessions under various lieutenants. At 17, the young woman was encouraged to get fitted with L3 implants to help her with the underdeveloped, yet powerful biotics that had come to light. Estella wished she wouldn't, but it came as no shock that Shepard officially signed on to join the Alliance Navy a year later. In the military, she was able to forget everything else, and she would use that to her advantage.

Even in the barracks, Shepard spent a vast majority of her time alone, throwing her energy into her studies of biotics and advanced rifle and pistol usage. Testing of this knowledge showed she was perfect for the vanguard class of the military. Confidence was something she didn't lack when holding face, but alone, in her own mind, she was hardly able to construct the idea. Losing her friends and family stunted Shepard's desire to get close to anyone. Joking with the other soldiers, backing up everyone in missions, and focusing on tasks with little to no injuries made her quickly noticed by the Alliance, but, at the end of the day, no one was able to tell a story about Shepard's personal life.

Fraternization was a normal happening in the military. Even officers of rank knew of its happening, though it was an unspoken rule that as long as it did not interfere with training or missions, it was acceptable. It was common for soldiers to come back from shore leave with tales of blurred bar scenes, a little too much liquor, and a tumble into someone's bed. Jabs at the accused were handed out liberally, but everyone knew it was to relieve stress, and to, well, just have fun. Shepard's shore leave was usually spent wandering the Citadel, or wherever they had landed, looking at every store, quietly observing life as it went by around her.

The best way to describe her methods to someone: it was like watching a vid, or reading a datapad. You were there, you participated to some degree, but you were never really a part of anything happening. And that was how she liked it. Her own life was unimportant, save for doing all she could to defend those that needed it. Several soldiers joked that she was a goody-two shoes, but she had a feeling their opinions of her would change if they really knew her.

Despite all of that, the woman felt somewhat obligated to take some part in the shore leave adventures of the rest of the crew. When in doubt, fake it. She went to the cheap rental rooms, allowing herself to be fretted over by her fellow woman soldiers. They would giggle excitedly at the idea of getting Shepard dressed up. Bars and clubs were their main outings, and more than once she was asked to dance, either by civilians or other Alliance. Rarer still, when she was ready to pretend that she was all right, that she could be normal and carefree, that she wasn't broken, Shepard would find herself in the dark corners of the club, feeling her mind wander as her body reacted instinctually to a man's advances. In the quarters, several crew members would bring up the man she left with, if she intended to see him again. The answer was always the same: maybe. She never saw those men again.


	10. SSV Normandy (Shepard)

It seemed like another decade, another lifetime. Shepard was only 23 when she dropped with the ground team on Elysium. The Skyllian Blitz had begun in full-force, with attacks happening overhead from pirate ships and more thugs and attackers swarming the actual colonies. Her instincts screamed at her to run, to hide … it was too much like Mindoir, she would lose everything again.

As morbid as it sounded, she came to a realization on Elysium. She _had already_ lost everything. No matter how long or how far she looked, Shepard would never find people who meant the world to her, who she trusted, she would never find a true home. Briefly, she wondered if most people would falter under that thought, and the loneliness it brought forth. For her, it brought up a new surge of determination. It was true, she would be lonely, but she would do everything in her power to make sure no one else had to experience that feeling.

Elysium would not become the next Mindoir, not while she breathed. The fight was vicious, but she and the rest of the Alliance soldiers managed to rally together the colonists, pushing back the pirates with everything they had. Death counts were amazingly low, according to Alliance reports, and the people of Elysium, and even the other soldiers, pointed out Shepard as the deciding factor. At one point, a breach in their defenses sent Shepard running toward a wave of invaders. Using her biotics and rifle, she managed to wipe out all of those that entered almost single-handedly so colonists and soldiers could reseal the barricade.

Admiral Hackett pointed out that she had nearly killed herself by rushing in without second thought, but it was a bull-headed gamble that paid off. Shepard was awarded the Star of Terra, an award that recognized soldiers going beyond the call of duty to perform courageous service. Since then, the woman advanced quickly through the military, and was highly regarded as a military hero. She was truly flattered to be considered such a great soldier.

Seven years later, she was asked to be the executive officer on the SSV Normandy, under the supervision of one Captain David Anderson. The whirlwind of becoming a Spectre, taking Anderson's place as Normandy's captain, pursuing Saren, and stopping the first true Reaper attack on their "cycle" seemed to pass in mere days. Meeting and working with so many new people, alien or not, brought out something else in Shepard.

At first, she focused solely on figuring out what was going on with the beacons and Saren's plans. That was the mission, after all. But all of them had so many stories, and she found herself curious to know more about them.

She admired how much Ashley Williams loved and cared for her family. The commander thought about her often after the weighted decision on Virmire.

Kaidan's views of the world were thoughtful and optimistic, despite going through so many hardships.

Wrex was rough, determined to fight anyone that wanted to, but he was surprisingly funny. The underlying desire to be respectable among the krogan made him seem vulnerable, though not in a bad way. Shepard was hopeful he would find his place.

Liara was undoubtedly beautiful and inquisitive. Though she was in her early 100s, her mind was that of an excited teenager, finding passion in history and discovery.

Tali looked at the world through curious eyes, amazed by the different cultures and things they used. Growing up in the fleet made her a natural, so Shepard loved watching her get excited about technology and engineering. Her extensive knowledge of geth proved more than helpful as they went on.

Joker was crass and stubborn, but a saint behind the helm of the Normandy. Shepard trusted him without question; it seemed like he was just an extension of the ship.

And meeting Garrus Vakarian made her rethink most of her preconceptions of turians. Maybe not the overly stoic, serious approach to missions, but it wasn't uncommon for most humans to be uncomfortable around turians. First Contact taught people that turians would sooner run you through with their omni-tools or shot you in the head than blink if you were in the way of their objective. Of course, Garrus later told her that turians saw humans as annoyances, constantly shoving their way into others' business without second thought, expecting that if they yelled loud enough or punched hard enough, they would be listened to. Granted, Shepard fit that criteria better than most humans, but Garrus explained that he underestimated everything else there was to know about her. She could say the same about her turian squad member.

The Garrus she knew from the SSV Normandy days was usually in the storage bay of the Normandy, making jokes with Wrex about Shepard's ludicrous driving skills in the Mako. His fingers worked briskly over the Mako's maintenance terminal, adjusting its cannons and suspension on a regular basis.

Nights in the small mess hall were spent exchanging war stories about everyone's training in their respective homeworlds, quiet respect and occasional jokes at other races' expense exchanged as bottles of liquor were passed around. He and Tali complained animatedly about the food quality of the dextro-amino rations they had to eat. His seriousness was always present; as a turian, he was taught to always be in control, but Shepard saw him relax more with each passing day. Finding Dr. Saleon brought out a new determination in Garrus. He wanted to do something more with himself, and Shepard was happy to hear he was going to try joining Spectre training again.

For the first time since she was a teenager, Shepard could honestly say she had friends. Logically, she knew how sad that sounded. Everyone was supposed to have friends, to have someone to be close to that you could trust and believe they would support you. It wasn't as if no one had offered to take the position before. The few men she encountered physically had showed signs of wanting to see her again, perhaps even pursue an actual relationship. But the thought of exposing herself to that level of relationship terrified her. It was so much easier to separate when it was just physical, or nonexistent to begin with. Cut off the limb soon enough, you can save the rest of the body. Shepard believed the same idea to be true in her mind. As long as she shut down the want to care or be close to someone, she would be better off.

That didn't stop people from showing interest, however. She was flattered by Kaidan and Liara's advances when they met on the first Normandy. Her father joked long ago that Shepard just had something about her that made people want to know her and be around her. That was a well-known Shepard trait. According to Aunt Estella, a Shepard could walk into a room of 40 strangers and walk out with at least 30 new friends (The rest were just assholes.).

Kaidan Alenko was soft-spoken and attentive. His concern for Shepard's well-being was genuine, though he continually struggling with the effects of his L2 implants. The man never let his physical hindrance stop him from being a great person and impressive soldier. Not since her family, and perhaps Captain Anderson, had anyone shown such care for her. At least not out-right. That was enough for her to shy away. She didn't deserve those affections.

Liara was constantly asking questions about Shepard's life and experiences. Shepard was certain it had started because of her contact with the beacon, but she pushed past the initial curiosity. The asari wanted to know the commander for the woman she as. As much as she wished to tell her, Shepard knew it would be impossible. Her life was her burden, no one else's, and she constantly feared that if anyone else knew exactly where she came from, exactly what she thought, she would be pitied, or be thought of as weak … or worse, crazy. Sanity, she was never sure of. Maybe Liara would have been different, but she couldn't bring herself to move past that insecurity. Liara's pity would never been with malice, she knew that, but pity alone was enough for her to turn away.

The man and the asari became her friends, instead. And that was enough for Shepard.

It would take some time, but she would eventually find what it took to trust someone beyond friendship. And if someone would have told Shepard that she was going to fall for a weapons genius with slightly awkward social graces in the form of a blue-eyed turian man, she would have laughed.


	11. Normandy (Post-Landing)

Liara T'Soni wondered briefly if they had all in fact died. Though how her thought processes could continue normally was a curious event. If she was actually dead, that was. The siairi religion led all to believe that though you may lose your physical body, your spiritual energy would travel on to meld with the universe, to be processed anew. Liara was never certain if she believed it (as that happened with asari her age), but she was always curious about it. If her consciousness remained intact after death, maybe she could somehow understand the Reapers' processes, or understand why the purging of cycles happened to begin with. So many things could be possible if her spiritual being left her physical one.

Today would not be the day she would see the universe's unveiling, it seemed.

James Vega, the bulky human that incessantly argued about biotics with her, exhaled heavily. Before the landing, she had heard him rapidly muttering words in an unfamiliar human language. Asking for safe landing and the hope of survival, if he was speaking of the same things she had been. He straightened up beside her and let out a low whistle, which made her believe she could open her eyes.

Crew members were deafeningly quiet as they came to. The pressure change had caused a vast majority to lose consciousness as the Normandy dropped from the skies. Liara leaned forward, but immediately regretted the decision. Cuts from the explosions on Earth reopened, the deep violet of her blood seeping through the white of her suit. She dropped her head back, inhaling sharply.

"You all right, Doc?" Vega asked.

"I've been far worse before," she sighed as she attempted to straighten up again. "How is everyone else?"

"By the looks of it, in one piece, at least. Hey, Traynor, can we get out of these things?" The muscular man wriggled uncomfortably in his seat at her right, tugging at the durable buckles of the safety harnesses.

Liara had a suspicion that he was not a fan of his body being confined. She could understand the discomfort, however. The straps were pressed firmly across her own body, situated conveniently against her cuts. Running across London on Earth seemed eons ago, but the injuries she sustained hardly allowed her to forget. A shot of pain erupted through her thoughts when she made the slightest movement.

"We may have to wait a few more minutes," Traynor's voice came from her left side. In the rush to get safely secured in their seats, Liara had forgotten that the comm. specialist was beside her. "The ship has a fail-safe to keep all of the harnesses secured some minutes after impact. If the damage is suspected to be severe, it could take longer for them to release." She was quiet for a brief moment as she shifted her own weight against the harness's grip. "But hey, a plus side, there's no fire. The fail-safe opens up if there's anything combusting anywhere on the ship."

"Oh, so we won't become roast pigs in these things, fantastic," Vega answered sarcastically. "There's no secret code to override it? 'Open sesame' or any of that crap?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Maybe shouting buzz words at it will make it cooperate."

Liara laughed lightly despite herself. James quieted down as the three of them looked around the CIC. Traynor made a worried huff sound beside her, and the asari assumed she knew why rather quickly. Aside from the natural light coming in from the ports, the Normandy was consumed by darkness and shadow. Darkness on the ship was unfamiliar; no matter where they were in their travels, there was some form of light on the ship. Monitors, personal lights of crew members, the walkways constantly illuminated from underneath … seeing the Normandy in near pitch-darkness was unsettling.

"EDI could activate it herself," Traynor said to no one in particular. Perhaps to sound reassuring. "But I suppose if the ship doesn't have power. I've never seen that happen before, though."

"We did just drop out of space," Vega observed. "Maybe it has a fail-safe about that, too."

"Maybe."

"Doc, what about your floaty thing? The one that likes to talk a lot?"

"Oh, you mean Glyph?" Liara asked, realizing.

"Yeah, can the little guy do something about the lights?"

"EDI does not like Glyph to interfere with the ship's operations. But perhaps he could help if she needed …"

It took a moment for her to reach her left arm with her right hand, but she activated her omni-tool. She and some of those near her turned their heads away instinctually, their eyes unprepared for the light of the device. Once she was able to return her focus to it, Liara tapped a command for Glyph to come to her location. Normally, it would take the holographic orb mere moments to appear before her, but her omni-tool vibrated with a message of protest. _Unable to connect_, it read. Curious, Glyph had never been out of connection from her since she took over the Shadow Broker's information …

"Everyone all right?"

Garrus Vakarian's voice caused Liara to jump. His tall form was cast in shadow on her left side, toward the entrance to the cockpit. It was easy to forget that the man's species was such a predatory one when he was among the other crew. Eyes pre-designed to see in near pure darkness, with fine detail, was one of the most notable among turians. The blue haze of his visor cut through the dark as he walked toward the rest of the crew. Combined with the sub-harmonics of his voice, a genetic mechanism to cause fear in lesser species, he seemed to be a form to fear. Of course, everyone on the Normandy knew Garrus well, but that didn't stop a few form gasping on his first approach.

Members of the crew either nodded of answered in soft voices. Some were still unconscious from the earlier pressure drop, but most were now awake, looking anxious (from the faces she could make out), and incredibly no worse for wear.

"How's EDI?" Kaidan asked amongst the darkness.

Liara was unable to pinpoint where his voice had come from, but she recognized it instantly. She had not heard any concerns about EDI before the Normandy left the Crucible … It was a bit of a shame she could not see the massive weapon fire, though she knew full well she would have died if she had. Still, the end result of the blueprints she found, and the extensive work of so many, had been remarkable. To see the final product in action would have been amazing.

A sinking feeling came to her stomach. Anyone who was close enough to the blast was certain to have been eradicated by the force of it. There was potential risk that Earth itself had suffered damage, since the Citadel had been moved so close to the human planet. If the damage were to be as severe as they anticipated, then surely Shepard …

"Not quite sure yet," Garrus answered passively. "Tali, how are you?"

"A little rattled," Tali sighed from a distance. "But alive. I hit something pretty hard."

"I think it was me, then the wall," Kaidan said with a forced chuckle. "Your helmet is a hell of a lot harder than it looks."

"_Kee'lah_, I'm so sorry! I didn't even realize …"

"No problem. I'm glad you're all right."

"Do you think you'd be okay to go down to engineering, Tali?" Garrus cut in. "Adams and Donnelly probably need a hand."

"Are they all right?" Tali questioned.

"Yeah, they managed to get to their spots before we hit. The comms in the ship are still working, so they called up."

"What about the power?" someone asked.

"Should be up in a couple more minutes. Apparently, the ship is supposed to put all of its energy reserves to its fields and the cockpit when there's a problem. Joker still has power, so that means the rest should reboot in a few minutes."

"The harnesses won't be able to open until the power's back in proper order, Garrus," Traynor offered.

Garrus nodded. "Right. Well, sit tight. Could've been a lot worse, but we'll see where we're at once we're up and running."

Liara tinkered with her omni-tool for some time, trying to contact Glyph. The AI was somewhat absent-minded at times, but never before had he not responded to her call. She wondered if she crash had damaged some of her equipment, but she would be unable to check until she could get down to her office. The rest of the Normandy's inhabitants shifted in their seats uncomfortably, finding little to converse about.

Finally, a reassuring hum sounded around them and, little by little, the power was restored around them. Monitors blinked on. The galaxy map in the middle of the CIC flared to life, showing a brief holographic picture of the Crucible, its walls dark and broken, before replacing the image with rapid flashing as it worked to find where the Normandy had landed. Lights came on above them. Instant relief came to the asari as the harnesses released their safety straps, allowing everyone to move freely. Several people sat forward, but no one made a rushed attempt to stand up.

"What now?" James asked beside her.

That, Liara believed, was the question everyone wanted to ask.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Hey, everyone, and happy Freedom Day to any U.S. readers! Just wanted to say thanks for making it this far with me in reading _Aftermath._ I really appreciate that people have an interest. I apologize if the character jumping or the flow of the story seems a little sporadic. I'm still working on finding the voice of this thing, which takes some experimenting. And my chapter naming is becoming more complicated, since I can't use repeat chapter titles for this site. So if I ever decide to, I may just cave and have them be"Chapter 1" and onward ... Rambling is a strong suit of mine. Opinions are always welcome via private messaging or reviews! Have a great day, everybody!


	12. Unknown Planet (Post-Landing)

Garrus helped a few people to stand from their seats before going to Kaidan. A brief discussion put all of them on their path to figure out what to do next. First, the crew would do was it was made to do, check on the Normandy and all of its systems, and see if there was any damage to be reported among them. Kaidan would go to the vid comm room while Traynor was back at her terminal to try to get ahold of other Alliance ships. Liara went with some of the other crew down to the lower decks, hoping to see what happened to Glyph. Dr. Chakwas was back in the med bay to tend to any damaged supplies and help anyone that needed patched up. Tali talked briefly over the comm with Adams to make sure all was well in engineering. The turian himself was unsure of what to do, but Tali's voice brought him something to focus on.

"Garrus?"

He looked in her direction to see the quarian nod behind him. Turning to look down the small stretch to the cockpit, he saw light radiating from the airlock doors. Last he knew, the airlock wasn't damaged … Tali followed as he walked down the hall to stop in front of the doors. Out in front of them, warm sunlight was cast around a surprisingly luscious landscape of green plant-life and dark earth. The airlock opened up to a pile of upturned rocks, showing the Normandy had in fact nose-dived into a planet. Some feet away, Joker stood away from the ship, looking up into the sky.

"I'll … go check on EDI," Tali offered quietly. "See if there's something I can do."

"Yeah," Garrus sighed. "Thanks."

Stepping out on to the rock, the turian could hear a general cacophony of noise from the wildlife and water that surrounded them. It seemed like, aside from the Normandy's intrusion, the planet had not been touched by the Reapers and their path of destruction. Garrus was beginning to think nowhere was safe. He paused to take a deep breath, appreciating the lack of smoke and smell of impending death in the air. Here, it smelled clean, unscathed. A turian nose could really appreciate smells like these.

Joker didn't react for a moment as he approached to stand beside the man. His eyes searched the clear blue sky line; vivid white clouds rolled lazily through the air. Expansive waterfalls fell down past the trees ahead of them. Sunlight reflected brightly from the water droplets that floated above the falls. Garrus had to smile despite himself; he was sure he could see the fractions of light becoming a prism of color. A rainbow would form to signify they had found their haven. Liara was still partially questioning if they had all died. Maybe that was true …

No, he didn't think that was true. Shepard did what she was meant to do. She always had.

The pilot chanced a look in the turian's direction as Garrus crossed his arms.

"Looks like we won," the small man sighed.

"Yeah, I think we did," Garrus nodded. "Seems like a nice place to land … well, sort of land."

"Seems like it." He paused for a moment to look up again. "You can tell Tali not to bother. EDI's gone."

"You okay?"

"Not really … But I guess being dead could be worse."

"'Could be worse'?"

"I'm figuring we're all dead until further notice. Covering all of the bases."

"You're starting to sound like me."

"Don't be too impressed. I'm just cynical, not a hard-ass."

Garrus laughed. "You'll get there."

Joker exhaled in a puff of air. "So what now? Do we gather the women to begin populating?"

"I'm not sure if Liara or Traynor would hit you if you made that suggestion."

He shrugged. "Hey, I wasn't saying _I_ would be part of it. I'm damaged goods. Sorry there's no turians here to make it worth your while."

The turian shook his head. "I'm not too concerned about it. Haven't been for a while."

Aside from the din of wildlife, the two of them enjoyed the quiet for a minute. Garrus leaned his weight on his right leg, looking up at the sky around them. He knew, sooner rather than later, that everyone on the Normandy would soon be focused on what to do next. They were members of the human military, after all. Rebuilding everything they had lost would be a priority. Palaven would be put back to its former glory, Earth would be rebuilt, Thessia would be the asari pride and joy again … so many places would find new vigor to come together. They had something to celebrate, to be proud of. All of them saw the greatest war their galaxy had ever known, and lived to record it for history. Garrus was able to understand Liara's love of history in that moment. It was pretty remarkable, when you thought about it.

"Welp, I better go down to see Chakwas about the wrist," Joker sighed, gesturing his right hand lazily. "We're gonna have to get ready to go soon, and I'm not exactly sure where we're at."

"Planning on going somewhere so soon?" Tali asked as she approached, looking ahead of them.

"Hey, I just don't want to hear that it's my fault we took so long to get back. She'll have her scary voice and eyebrow of doom on as soon as we show up."

The quarian looked down for a moment as Joker turned to go back toward the ship. "I wish I could be as optimistic, but Joker, logically—"

"You forget what crew you're on these days, Tali. Logic's never really been our thing. She's still there."

"We can't be sure if we can even take off, let alone find our way back to the Crucible. At least not right away …"

"Fine, Garrus, you tell me. You love her, so you can feel it in your gut. Is Shepard still alive?"

Garrus looked over his shoulder at Joker, thinking. He used his instincts for shooting, calibrating … not guessing. Of course, he wanted Shepard to be alive. After all they had been through, to have the chance to just _be_ would be nothing short of incredible. His girlfriend (He still felt kind of strange using that word.) just saved the universe. Both of them were well-aware that they may never see each other again. It was a risk that they knew of back when they went to face the Collectors. Any moment of any day could, and eventually would, mean your death.

Logically, Shepard was gone. There was no way a person could survive all of that. On the other hand, Shepard was no ordinary person. Everyone that met her knew that much. And logic was really not their thing anymore. So, could he "feel it in his gut"? Was Shepard alive? Or had that connection he felt to her been permanently severed? He smiled to himself at his immediate thought. It was true, his girlfriend saved the universe. Maybe it was about time he took her on an actual date …

"Yes," he said slowly. "She still is."


	13. Unknown Planet

"That's what I thought," Joker answered, continuing to the ship.

Tali patted the turian's arm; he could see her smile spread across her features under her helmet. "Shepard's been rubbing off on you."

He shrugged, but couldn't stop his mandibles from stretching open, his own turian smile on his face. "Wishful thinking" was not a turian custom. Instincts, however, were one of their strong suits, and he couldn't doubt what his instincts were telling him. Somehow, Commander Shepard was still alive on the Crucible/Citadel/Catalyst, whatever C-word they wanted to call it. And the Normandy crew would do what they needed to get to her.

"Will you take her to the core?"

The turian turned to look in his direction. Joker's voice was quiet. His back was to the two of them, stopped just short of walking into the Normandy. Garrus wondered if Tali could even hear him. Though he couldn't see the man's face, he knew there was a lot of hurt in his voice. He was pushing his own emotions aside to help Shepard. Humans were remarkable.

"I'd do it myself, but—" Joker paused, his shoulders sagging.

"Of course," Garrus answered, nodding.

"Thanks."

Tali looked down to the ground once Joker disappeared inside of the ship. Her arms crossed over her chest and she squeezed her upper arms tightly. Garrus had noticed she did that when she was saddened about something, probably a defense mechanism.

"So really no luck?" he asked.

"Not that I can see," the quarian sighed. "Her body's perfectly fine. Systems are all functioning like they should. She's just … gone. It's like her personality was completely wiped out."

"So like what happened to Legion?"

"I think so. It's hard for even me to understand, but I guess they really did … die. Their bodies are still intact and functional. The machinery part has no problems, and there's potential I could find some code in the ship …"

"You could find EDI's programming, though, right? I'm sure the AI core has something you can look into."

"Even if we were to use the Normandy's databanks to find her programs, even if we actually reboot her into her body, I'm worried it still wouldn't _be_ EDI. Not the EDI we know. Does that make any sense?"

Garrus nodded after a moment. "Her programming was never who she was. It'd be like if one of us were human instead of the species we are. We can be extremely similar, but we'll never be the same."

"And I would hate to have Joker see EDI's body walking and talking, but it's not really EDI. No matter what he says, I know it'll hurt him too much."

"He'll make some joke or shrug it off, but I think you're right."

"I plan to keep looking into it when I can. Maybe there will be something. I hope there will be _something_."

"I'll take her down to the AI core in a few minutes, let Chakwas take care of him before I carry her through the med bay … Did you get that cut looked at?"

Tali reached up to touch the top of her helmet, where her forehead was underneath. "Oh, not yet. No ruptures in my suit, so no worries about infection. I don't think it's deep."

"Still, you should have the doctor look at it."

"Garrus, if she touches me, I'll be running a fever in seconds. I'll get it taken care of. Kaidan was bleeding more than I was, anyway."

"All right. Just make sure it's not serious."

The quarian looked in his direction, a smile in her voice. "Archangel is worried about a scrape on my forehead?"

He chuckled. "Hey, you should be thankful I'm not Wrex. He'd throw you over his shoulder and carry you to the med bay himself."

Tali laughed. "If he shows up next to my bed with soup, I'm bringing out my shotgun."

"That's probably how krogans show affection. I'm sure he'd be flattered."

Garrus practically snorted as Tali attempted to impersonate Wrex's voice, even holding her arms out at her sides to mimic his large form. Here, the two were able to forget what they had lived through, and everything that was set before them to put their lives back together. They could mimic their friends, despite still being unsure if some of them were safe or not. When they stepped back on to the ship, all of it would come back to them in full force, and the seriousness of the situation would make everyone stoic again.

For now, though, they laughed. Maybe the clean fresh air made them giddy. Because, for a turian, Garrus Vakarian felt unnaturally optimistic about all of it.


	14. Normandy (Vid Comm Room)

"We should have connection, Major," Traynor's voice explained over Kaidan's head. "Good luck."

"Thank you, Specialist Traynor," the man answered formally before pressing the button in front of him.

The two had been spending the last few minutes trying to connect to the lead Alliance ship that held Admiral Hackett. Traynor assumed the only way they would not be able to reach him was if the ship itself had been destroyed. Which wasn't very reassuring after attempting to hail their frequency about ten times. Kaidan was nervous about checking on everyone's status as it was. He had thought that there was a slim chance he would make it through to see the next day, so knowing he lived while so many others had died made his stomach turn to stone. Imagining one of the most important people in the Alliance military dead wasn't helping his nerves settle, either.

Blue haze washed over him as the holographic vid comm connected to the admiral's ship. For a few seconds, there was nothing but blue … Kaidan sighed audibly as Admiral Steven Hackett came into view. The aging man looked no worse for wear, despite a small cut that was visible across his left cheek. His hat was off of his head, revealing gray hair fashioned in a buzz-cut, close to his scalp, and a possible bald patch on the back of his head. Hackett's blue eyes widened as he saw Kaidan standing before him. The major wondered why the admiral looked so shocked … He then realized in hindsight that he hadn't bothered cleaning himself up from his unfortunate experience of head-butting a quarian and a wall in less than a second.

Dried blood cracked as he wiped his hand along the side of his head. After it stopped bleeding, he didn't really worry about it. The second human Spectre shrugged as he brushed his fingers together to get rid of the dried flecks. Hackett took that as a sign that Kaidan was all right, nodding.

"Major Alenko," the admiral said as he stood with his arms at his sides. "Glad to hear from you."

"Glad to see you're in one piece, Admiral," Kaidan responded, putting his right hand up in a quick salute. "Have other ships made it to the rendezvous?"

"A lot more than I expected, which I'm thankful for. Some have reported emergency landing after leaving the detonation site, but all of them are still functioning. Looks like most were able to get out in time. How's the Normandy?"

"We made the relay jump before the blast reached us, sir. The ship systems went down momentarily, but everything is coming back. Crew is all present and accounted for, with few injuries."

"Great news. It may take a bit, but we're working on gathering functioning ships to use for rescue and recovery missions. As long as you're able to get to the skies without trouble, we'll have the Normandy assist in the operation."

"Anything from the ground troops, sir?"

"Check-ins from all over Citadel space. The turians reported the Reapers fell on Palaven, Thessia has given the all-clear … Nothing from Earth yet, but we're hopeful. By the sound of it, the Crucible did what it was supposed to. The Reapers are destroyed."

Kaidan smiled and nodded. "That's incredible."

"The ground forces will work on their own rescue and recovery for now until we can gather the ships. We can tow the inoperative ships to a drop location to get mechanics working on them. The sooner we can get everyone up and running, the better."

"The relays seem to have been damaged, sir."

"Yes, they've sent reports. We're working on contacting the quarian flotillas, so we can see what can be done. It will take some time, but I think they'll be able to help out, along with possibly some asari and salarian scientists. Can you tell us the coordinates of where you landed?"

"We're working on it. Like I said, the systems are in the process of coming back, so we may not know for a little bit yet."

"Very well. Contact the ship with your coordinates as soon as you can. If you need anything, contact me again. We can get someone out to you if it needs to be done."

"Will do."

"Major Alenko?"

"Yes, sir?"

Hackett paused for a moment, nodding. "Your crew did a great job. Well done."

"Thank you, sir."

"Hackett out."

The holographic image of the admiral disappeared as he turned away from the terminal. Kaidan resisted the urge to correct him about the crew. He was part of this crew, yes, but they were never his. Shepard kept all of these people together …

"Hey, Traynor," Kaidan said, instinctually looking up to speak to the specialist.

"Yes, Major?" the woman answered.

"Any luck with knowing where we are?"

"Unfortunately, no. The ship's tracking seems to have been thrown off from the landing. We're scanning to see if there's any damage, but it may just take a bit for it to get its bearings. Think of it like getting really dizzy. It takes a little while to figure out which way is up if you spin too much."

"I gotcha. How about EDI?"

There was a pause on the specialist's end before she sighed. "Nothing good. I still haven't been able to get a reaction from her yet. Tali said she plans on going to the core to see if there's anything she can do. For now, though, we'll have to make do without her help."

"Do you think she'll be back once the systems are back up?"

"We can hope. A majority of the systems are reporting as temporary disconnection, but no damage. There's a few more for us to wait on, but we seem to be getting back to working order."

"Good. Let me know once the coordinates are found or if we get EDI back, will you?"

"Of course. Oh, and Major, Joker would like to speak to you if you have a moment. He's down in the med bay."

"Will do. Thanks, Traynor."

Kaidan ran a hand through his already smooth dark hair, exhaling a puff of air. A list of pros and cons started running through his head, something he always did when things got a little out of control. Out on the field, Shepard would make jokes about him making checklists as they went through their missions. "Rifle: check. Armor: check. Biotics: check. Bad guys: check. Hair perfect: check often."

She poked fun at his stoic approach to missions, as she did with everyone that got a little too serious. It wasn't that she didn't care (Kaidan could tell by looking at her that she cared a great deal about everything she did), but she didn't want everyone to sap themselves of their energy by being so serious all of the time. Shepard was great at reminding her crew that they still deserved to make jokes, to just have fun sometimes. Interesting approach for an Alliance leader, but hey, it worked. Even if she was throwing bullshit around until it made sense, it always worked.

That was the Shepard method, not the Alenko one. For Kaidan, it was easier for him to categorize. Think about everything in neat little packages separated to be dealt with one at a time until he was ready to handle the big picture. "Surgical" was a term he'd heard more than once. Of course, his method had gone through some adapting over the last few years. His experiences on the Normandy and rising in rank in the Alliance made sure of that.

The Spectre could tell he became more introspective, especially as the Reaper War came to a head, thinking more about people's actions, how certain people got involved in certain things for certain reasons … How someone's life could turn on a dime because of one simple event. And if that simple event didn't happen, that life would probably go in a completely different direction …

Too philosophical for his own good these days, he supposed.


	15. Normandy (Med Bay)

Kaidan slipped out of the vid comm room, cutting across the War Room. Several crewmembers were back at their terminals; the bulk of the War Room members were working on contacting ships in the fleets. Traynor had come up with the idea to look into contacting the other ships, especially when she wasn't able to get a hold of any ships from Fifth Fleet. If they could figure out how many ships were still intact, they could start sorting out what to do next. Not that the human military could tell any of the other races what to do with themselves now that the war was over, but they remained hopeful that most would still be willing to work together.

So far, it seemed to be about fifty-fifty for them to get a response. It was their first initial pass over every ship listed in every fleet: human, asari, salarian, turian, krogan, batarian, hanar, and elcor … maybe even others he was forgetting momentarily. The list would take a while to go through.

Out of the War Room, the movement in the CIC was not nearly as frantic as it was before the Normandy took off from the Crucible. The crew was working to make sure the ship's systems were back in their proper order. Kaidan always wished he knew a bit more about the functions of the Normandy. Every soldier in the ship fleets knew very basic repairs, the most important parts and what they did; but, beyond that, the man had no idea how he could be any help to the crew. In scenarios like these, that didn't involve tactic, weaponry, or biotics, he kind of felt like he was in the way more than anything else.

Specialist Samantha Traynor nodded in his direction before continuing to work at her terminal. The comm specialist had taken on the responsibility of coordinating the members of the Normandy, keeping track of each system's status as they checked for damage. That would take some time as well, but Kaidan was glad to hear about more green lights than red ones for the time being.

The elevator ride down to the crew deck was quick. He was thankful the power was operating the ship again. Though he would never admit it out loud, Kaidan was not a fan of enclosed spaces. Imagining the elevator stopping while he was in it was always in the back of his mind, even back on the Citadel when they waited to travel between sections. Goosebumps peppered his skin for a moment before the elevator halted, opening its doors to the deck.

Down in the crew deck, it was much calmer. Though that wasn't surprising … most of the crew was at their positions up on the CIC deck, continuing their work to get the ship back in order. Stepping out, Kaidan walked around the outcropping of the elevator shaft, turning to the left to head to the med bay. He could hear Joker complaining before the door even opened for him to enter. Dr. Chakwas was hovering over his right arm, securing his wrist and three of his fingers in a metal splint. The pilot flexed his index finger, middle, and thumb, the only free fingers he had.

"If you keep moving, Jeff, I'll never be able to set it properly," the doctor sighed.

"How do you expect me to fly with this crap?" Joker demanded. "I need my whole hand."

"You should have thought of that before breaking your wrist and two of your fingers. Sit still, please."

Garrus was seated at one of the beds a short distance from the two of them, holding his right hand to his right side. The turian nodded in Kaidan's direction before going to stand up. Without looking away from Joker, Dr. Chakwas held up a finger in his direction, her eyebrows furrowing just slightly.

"Don't think I don't see you trying to slip away, Mr. Vakarian. Those wounds are reopened and I won't let you go running off without bandaging them again." The doctor paused from her work on Joker's hand to look in the second human Spectre's direction. She looked shocked. "Kaidan, what on earth happened to you?"

"Oh," Kaidan exclaimed, reaching up to touch the side of his face. It was impressive how quickly he forgot about the cut on his forehead.

"Decided to have a krogan greeting with our resident quarian," Garrus joked, readjusting impatiently.

"You head-butted Tali?" Dr. Chakwas groaned.

"Not intentionally," Kaidan shrugged. "Don't worry, I'm fine. I just need to clean up a little."

"What about Tali?"

"She'll take care of herself, Doctor," Garrus explained. "But I told her to come to you if there's anything wrong."

The gray-haired woman sighed heavily again as she straightened up. "This crew is possibly the most stubborn I've ever encountered. Short of near-fatal gun shots and multiple broken bones, none of you stop in to be treated properly."

"You cluck like a mother hen, Karin," Kaidan laughed, stopping in front of the sink. He opened a cabinet to find sterile cloths. "We're supposed to treat ourselves on the field, remember? You've always been on military ships, you should know that."

"That doesn't stop me from worrying. Garrus, I'm going to need you to take off your armor so I can patch you up."

The turian's mandibles flexed instinctually. Kaidan remembered that most of the crew had never seen him bare-chested. Turians seemed to be sensitive about being completely exposed for whatever reason. He always wanted to ask why that was, but thought it would come off as rude. Besides, he and Garrus were civil to one another … and that was probably a discussion for people beyond casual "friends."

Garrus cleared his throat and straightened up. "I'd rather not, Dr. Chakwas," he said. "I told you before, I'll be fine."

Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow in his direction. "I can tell you're trying to keep from limping when you walk."

"The medi-gel and the first round of bandages will hold. You have my word."

She paused, looking between the three men. Kaidan was dabbing at the dried blood on his face, occasionally wincing when he touched near the cut (He had to admit it was deeper than he had thought.). Joker held his braced arm in front of him, absent-mindedly bending his three unbroken fingers. Garrus pulled his hand away from his side, staring at her. For a moment, it seemed as if the doctor was going to make a dive for her sedative supplies, but she faltered, sighing once more and shaking her head.

"Fine, it seems you need to talk. I'll be over in Liara's office, I know she's been bleeding again as well. Asari actually listen to reason." One more head shake, but a small smile came across his face. It reminded Kaidan of how his mother smiled when he accidentally broke something. The smile was one that told them that, no matter what, she still cared. Ah, their mother hen …

"I trust my medical bay will be undisturbed when I get back?" she said pointedly.

All three of them nodded in agreement before Dr. Chakwas turned to leave. Kaidan finished cleaning the side of his head to the best of his abilities, letting out a hiss of breath as he passed over the raw cut one last time. Garrus stood up to lean against the bed Joker was still seated on, his hip resting against the foot of it. They remained quiet as Kaidan disposed of the blood-stained rag.

"So, Traynor said you wanted to talk?" he said, looking over at Joker.

Joker's face seemed especially serious for a moment. "Yeah ... You might need to lie to the Alliance for us."


	16. Normandy (Med Bay, Continued)

Joker Moreau wasn't really shocked to see Kaidan's expression after he said those words. As a pilot, he was usually content with minding his own business, especially if it meant everyone stayed out of his way when he was doing his job. Nobody knew the Normandy better than he did, or ever would …

Except for the woman he had miraculously fell for. And that woman was now lying in the AI Core room on a table, apparently lifeless. Garrus had tried to wait to bring her down for a while, which he had to appreciate, but fixing his arm the old-fashioned way took longer than expected. Joker half-suspected it was because his long-running doctor was trying to teach him a lesson about being more careful. Damn woman acted like if he sneezed too hard he would shatter his ribs … Granted, there was a high chance that was possible, but it hadn't happen yet, damn it.

His stomach cart-wheeled when the med bay doors opened, threatening to erupt. Throughout his years, in pilot training, the Alliance, and particularly the Normandy, he had to face a few of his fears. Not there were many to speak of. Being the kid that spent majority of his life in braces or splints or casts made him learn to press all of that down. This body may have been weak, but he was determined not to be. Her last words to him … the realization that those would _be_ her last words to him … made him more terrified than anything he ever felt before.

Garrus had almost retracted from the room, but the human man shook his head.

"Just lay her down in there," he sighed.

The turian nodded and did as he asked. He could tell Chakwas wanted to ask questions, being among the vast majority of the crew who didn't know what happened. Thankfully, the doctor held off her questioning, focusing her attention on his arm.

Of course, he wanted to scream, break things, shake that metallic body uncontrollably until she opened her eyes … anything to get her back. Without question, he would do anything to get her back. And he would continue to until the end of his days, if he was able, but he also knew that she would be disappointed in him for "pursuing an unsolvable problem." Her logic and strict calculus seemed brutal at times, though Joker was glad she had it. So many of their decisions were made off of emotional and rush to be the hero (no offense to Shepard) that someone with more logic than emotion was helpful. Over time, she began to make decisions based off her own emotions.

And she picked him to share them with, even after all the hell he put her through when they first met. Somehow, they came together at an impossible time, and Shepard was more than supportive about the whole thing. The commander's running joke was that she and Garrus were no longer the gossip of the Normandy. Human-turian relations were now trumped by human-AI. She taught a lot of emotions and understanding to her, especially the questions that Joker had a hard time answering for various reasons. Before the end, she was—

_No_, damn it. It wasn't the end. He refused to let it be. Joker Moreau never gave up on anything if he could help it; he was too damn stubborn. There was no way it was the end. For now, though, he had to focus on the task at hand, which Kaidan seemed to maul over for several minutes before responding to him.

"I'm sorry?" he finally asked, looking between pilot and turian for some clarification.

"Have you gotten in touch with Hackett yet?" Joker asked suddenly, forgetting that bit of knowledge. "Traynor said she was still trying …"

"Yeah, I just spoke to him before I came down here. Why?"

"What did he say?"

"He wants all able-bodied ships to meet up at the rendezvous point when they're able. Rescue and recovery missions are the next priority."

Joker turned to look at Garrus. He didn't have much of a chance to talk to the turian before their current commanding officer came down to the med bay. But it wasn't really necessary. They both had the same idea, after all.

"20 credits says he's not letting anyone near the Crucible."

"Sorry, I'm not a betting man," Garrus shrugged. "But I do have to agree with you. Considering the fact that we all saw ships get taken out by the blast, and there's more than a strong chance that the relays aren't working, there's no way they'll let us just stroll back in there."

"Not even if Alenko puts on the pretty boy act? No offense, Major."

"I would be more offended if I knew what the hell you two are talking about," Kaidan groaned. "Neither of you strike me as schemers."

The pilot let out a puff of air. "Listen, I know you sent us away from the Crucible for good reason. We probably wouldn't be alive otherwise, but we're sitting in the fastest ship of the Alliance fleet. If—no, _when_ she gets airborne, there's only one place I'm willing to take her."

Kaidan nodded, beginning to understand. "The Crucible."

"Shepard's alive, Kaidan," Garrus threw in.

"And I'm not leaving her," Joker said firmly. "I've already had to do that once. There's no way I'm doing it again."

Rubbing a hand over his chin stubble, Kaidan looked out the windows behind Joker's bed into the quiet mess hall. By the expression on his face, Joker knew he was beginning to understand what they were asking.

"You don't think Hackett will like the idea?" he asked. "He's asked a hell of a lot of Shepard over the years. Going to find her wouldn't be so far-fetched."

"We could risk losing the Normandy if he doesn't like the idea," Joker offered. Though he was all for the side of playing hero this go-around, he wanted to make sure the Major knew of what could happen. "They could ground us just like after we took off for Ilos."

"Considering that the whole universe just went to hell and back today, I think making the Normandy and her crew sit in the corner and think about what they've done would be the least of their problems. If we don't go, we don't just risk Shepard, we guarantee we don't get to her at all."

"Exactly," Garrus agreed. "As far as Hackett knows, we're still grounded, right?"

Kaidan nodded. "We're mostly waiting on our coordinates. The ship's navigations and tracking systems are getting checked out."

"So we can stay grounded for a while. To the Alliance, that is. We figure out where we are, we figure out where we go."

"We made the relay before we landed, though?"

"Jumped right before the relay was wiped out, yeah," Joker explained. "The systems all went down before I got a read on where we were, so we won't know where we are until the ship does."

"Without the relay, it could take us a while," Garrus sighed.

"As long as she flies, we'll get you there, no problem."

"I'm sorry, Joker. I don't want to sound insensitive, but without EDI—"

"The ship can still function," he snapped, feeling his stomach clench at her name.

It was the first time he heard it, or allowed himself to, in what felt like years. All of it seemed so far away. He had to let it seem so far away; if it got too close, he wouldn't be able to survive it. Not now. Joker Moreau would take a page from the turian handbook on this one: shut all of it down, focus on nothing but the mission at hand and what had to be done to succeed. The universe lost too much today, _he_ lost too much today … Shepard wouldn't be lost, not if he could help it. Maybe once they had Shepard back, all of this would make more sense. It had to.

Exhaling heavily, he tried to calm down. "She said not to worry. The ship is still going to be functional. When the systems pass their checks, we'll be in the clear."

Kaidan nodded. "I'll talk to Hackett. We'll have to gather the crew in the CIC soon, too. They need to know about what we plan to do. Shepard's normally the speech giver, but maybe you can wing it, Vakarian?"

Garrus laughed. "Not sure if that's the best idea, but I suppose I can put on the important voice or something … Thanks for agreeing to this, Kaidan."

"Hey, like I said before, Reapers be damned, she comes home. The Reapers are damned, so now she comes home."

The man stepped forward to put a gentle hand on Joker's shoulder. Despite himself, the pilot felt himself flinch. It wasn't that he was scared of Kaidan. Actually, if he had to guess, he was afraid of his sympathy.

"I'm sorry, Joker," he said once more.

Shoulders sagging, he looked down. He hoped the bill of his trusty SR-2 hat covered his eyes. That way the other two men in the room couldn't see the tears threatening to spill over. Amazingly, his voice didn't shake as he answered.

"Yeah. Me, too."


	17. Normandy (Liara's Office)

"Greetings, Mr. Vakarian," a happy mechanical voice chimed as the door to Liara's office slid open. The info drone hovered from its console to stop in front of Garrus. "I am relieved to see you well! Dr. T'Soni is at work with some communications—"

"I am right here, Glyph," the asari sighed, standing a mere six feet from the VI's console. "Would you care to check with Specialist Traynor to see if anyone needs assistance with the ship systems?"

"Of course, doctor."

"Thank you, Glyph."

Practically bouncing, the orb of light slipped past Garrus, phasing through the door. Liara shook her head before turning away from her communications console. She crossed her arms and looked to the turian. The look on her face reminded him of his sister on Palaven, when he said or did something she didn't approve of. A sort of "disappointed sibling" glare that came with crossed arms and a slight lean away to inspect him with slightly judgmental eyes. It was unfortunate how well he recognized the pose.

"I see Glyph is working again," he said.

"Yes, there was a time where it was uncertain, but he is intact," she answered in a clipped tone.

"And still cheery as ever."

"Would you tell me why you refuse to let Dr. Chakwas treat you?"

The turian scoffed. "That's what the face is about? Liara, I'm fine. Besides, I'm sure there's other people who needed her help."

"A Mako fell from the sky and erupted in flames right beside you, Garrus."

"You were right next to it, too. And you're just fine."

"I've allowed myself to be treated properly. Dr. Chakwas said she barely pulled all of the shrapnel from your body before you stood up and walked off."

"Well, that's clearly an exaggeration. There were bandages and medi-gel involved."

The furrow of the young (by her species' standards) asari made his chuckle taper off. Liara was an incredibly caring being, but she had more of a tendency to focus on her datapads and research than most people. He was fairly sure she didn't even notice he was avoiding treatment. Not that the thirst for knowledge was a bad pursuit, but it sometimes made her seem disconnected from everything going on. Then again, Garrus was sure Shepard would say the same thing about his mild to severe obsession with calibrating weapons. Old habits die hard …

He had taken to considering Liara a close friend over their years of knowing each other. Between himself and Wrex, several nights were spent in the cargo bay telling horror stories about fighting, weapon malfunctions, or omni-tool miscalculations, to the point where Liara would shudder and clutch herself in disgust. Garrus and Wrex laughed, enjoying watching a more innocent reaction to war stories. Of course, they would never tell her that some of them were completely fabricated, feeding off of one another to create an epic tale of disaster. Those were the most fun. Surprisingly, these stories led to several shooting discussions between himself, Wrex, Liara, and even Ashley Williams in the cargo bay. It was a way all of them bonded.

All things considered, he shouldn't have been too shocked to see that she was concerned for him. Wrex told him at one point that he kind of thought of Tali and Liara as the little sisters he never had. In a way, the turian could think the same of the two.

"Honestly, Liara," he tried again, looking at her with his most genuine expression. "I'll be okay. Not perfect, but I'm not dead either. We have more important things to worry about right now. If anything goes sideways, I'll let the doctor poke and prod to her heart's content, deal?"

The wrinkles in her blue skin smoothed as her expression became less severe. Liara sighed heavily, dropping her arms to her sides. "I apologize," she said quietly. "After everything that has happened these past days, I suppose I am worrying more than necessary."

It was understandable. Two days had passed since his discussion with Kaidan and Joker about taking the Normandy to the Crucible. His body practically shivered with restlessness as the systems continued to be checked and repaired. Though the crew was doing everything possible to repair the ship, it had taken much longer than he anticipated for them to be ready to be airborne. Tali assured him that two days was an impressive feat to get a crash-landed ship operational again. Yes, he had to appreciate how well it had been going, especially considering the alternatives, but it didn't make him feel much better.

Every moment they were stranded here was another moment that he felt slipping for Shepard. The probability that no one would reach her in time was pressing hard on his shoulders as he paced the ship, helping wherever possible. Distractions were limited for the time being, so he found himself imagining all of the possibilities of what could become of her. And he could feel his sanity slip a little more with each image. Keeping face wasn't difficult in the slightest, but keeping any kind of hope was becoming harder by the minute.

"Was there something you wanted to talk about, Garrus?" Liara's soft voice brought him back to reality.

"Oh, I, uh, may have a favor to ask." The turian felt he had used that phrase too much with her lately.

First, he asked her to use whatever contacts she could to locate his sister. Solana joined the Engineering Corps that worked on the construction of the Crucible after she and their father were recovered from Palaven. He was proud of her for having the capabilities to help, but his big brother instinct had him worried. Liara pooled together the contacts she could to put an ear out for Solana, and came back with somewhat positive results. She was assigned to one of the ships in the turian Seventh Fleet. The Seventh Fleet was a collection of ships designed to be a blockade between Reaper forces and the Crucible, which was disheartening. But, by the sound of it, at least half of the ships left the area when Hackett called the retreat. And the ship Sol was assigned hailed the Alliance as intact.

Next was confirming the location of his father. Rorik Vakarian travelled to Digeris after leaving Palaven to help with arranging the small civilian forces. The planet was relatively untouched during the Reaper War, but it took its hits, like every other planet. Digeris still stood with several citizens still alive, thankfully. Liara didn't have anyone directly on the planet, so she couldn't confirm if Rorik was there, but she assured the turian man that she would keep looking for alternative contacts.

An idea came to him late the night before, when he was pacing Shepard's cabin. Going up there had made him uneasy, but he had a feeling she would be upset if no one cared for Renegade (her hamster) and her fish. Personally, the idea of keeping pets on a military ship was ridiculous to Garrus. The woman was insistent on it, though, because she felt it was a way to distract her from everything, which is why she also collected model ships throughout their travels. He was running a finger along one of the models when something struck him.

"I was wondering if you had any way of contacting Wrex or Grunt," Garrus said hesitantly.

Liara paused for a moment. "I had given Wrex a communication frequency when we were in London," she answered. She turned to begin typing rapidly on the console behind her. "Though I admit I have not attempted to reach him yet."

"Is there any way I could talk to him?"

"Provided his omni-tool is active, I believe so. I will try to reach him."

Garrus walked over to stand beside her as her fingers continued to move fluently over the console's keys. He fought the anxiousness that was building in his chest.

"Wrex, can you hear me?" Liara asked.

He realized he was holding his breath as they listened. Nothing but silence. Liara turned to look at him for a moment with a slightly worried expression.

"Wrex, this is Liara. Can you hear me?"

Still nothing. Garrus's breath escaped him in a heavy sigh. For days, he never thought to worry about their krogan friend. But the reality that Wrex may not answer now weighed heavier on him than he imagined.

"May I ask why you wish to contact him?" Liara asked, typing once again.

"His forces are on Earth," the turian muttered.

"Yes."

"And as good a crew we have, there's really no telling when we'll be airborne. Plus, by the looks of the navigation, we're at least five systems for Sol … Shepard's been up on the Crucible for three days. I thought if we could find Wrex or even Grunt—"

"The krogan could take a ship to the Crucible!" Liara interrupted excitedly. "What a brilliant idea, Garrus."

"If we can reach him, maybe."

"We will."

The two stood in silence as Liara continued her work. Garrus distracted himself by looking up at the multiple screens above her head. It was unnerving to see so many of them dark. He had to assume it was because she lost equipment and contacts throughout the fray of the Reaper war. Actually seeing it in front of him, he knew it would take a lot of time to see how several planets faired, and for even more beings to get home …

His head snapped back to focus on Liara's console as a broken voice came to them.

"Wrex?" Liara asked again, her voice growing stressed. "Can you hear me?"

"Blue?" Wrex's deep voice came through a hiss of static.

The asari laughed, though Garrus knew she hated that nickname. Her relief had him smiling in no time. "Yes. Are you all right?"

"I'm krogan. Guess since you're talking to me, the Normandy is in one piece."

"Thankfully. But we've come across some problems."

"What's the matter, Blue?"

"Actually, Garrus would like to speak to you, Wrex."

"Garrus! Glad my favorite turian made it out." The krogan laughed hoarsely.

Garrus stepped forward and put a grateful hand on Liara's shoulder. He couldn't help but chuckle himself. "You know me, Wrex. I can never let you have all the fun."

"You and Shepard both. Hey, did she manage to punch a Reaper in the face? I was betting her some drinks that she couldn't."

"Actually, Wrex, that's why we were trying to get a hold of you. I'm glad you're all right, but I could—" He stopped, sighing heavily once more. On the other end of the comm link could be her salvation. For now, he only had to have hope. Actually, that wasn't the phrase. What did she call it once? No … he had to have faith, in their krogan friends and her.

"Shepard needs your help."


	18. Citadel

Urdnot Wrex hated tight spaces. With three other krogan crammed into the back of a human shuttle, there was hardly space between them. Grunt was closest to the window, looking out to the remnants of the Citadel … or Crucible, whatever they called it. He had managed to find his way to the rest of the Urdnot clan shortly after the Reapers disappeared, or fell from the sky. Wrex argued that the young krogan should stay on Earth with the rest of their clan, but Grunt refused. He even went as far as to strike his head hard against one of the soldiers Wrex picked to come with him, knocking him unconscious.

"If anyone goes after Shepard, it's gonna be me," he growled before stepping on to the shuttle.

That was enough for Wrex.

Garrus and Liara filled the krogan battlemaster in on what happened to Shepard. He didn't completely understand the explanation, Shepard went up to the Citadel and had to hit a button to activate the Crucible or something, but he understood that the human commander was still up there. Krogan weren't optimistic types. According to Garrus, it'd been at least three days that Shepard was up there, and there was no telling if the life systems of the space station were still working … Shepard was a battlemaster in her own right, especially to Grunt, but could she beat death twice?

Wrex grinned to himself. Hell, yeah, she could.

"All right, we're about to approach," the human pilot said from the front of the shuttle. "Once I find a landing spot, you can try to climb on … somewhere."

"Helmets on," Wrex ordered. "No telling what's out there."

Grunt made an irritated huff, but did as his clan leader said. Wrex had a feeling he would go running off the second they landed. The shuttle dropped with a hard thud as the krogan soldiers finished preparing themselves. Bringing his shotgun to his chest, Wrex ran his shoulder into Grunt's. The young one understood, stepping back with a somewhat reluctant nod under his helmet. Finally, the shuttle door opened above Wrex's head, allowing him to step out on to the Citadel … or what remained of it.

They were in what he assumed was Zakera Ward, one of the arms of the Citadel. In front of them, Wrex could see some of the windows were still intact, overlooking the rest of the ward. By the looks of it, they were near the C-Sec checkpoint, though the office was hardly recognizable. Wisps of smoke drifted throughout the area, leaving a slight haze in the air. Objects like computers, papers, even cups and holographic pictures were scattered around. Surprisingly, the power was still active, though it flickered occasionally.

The voice of the Citadel VI (Wrex forgot what it was called years ago) echoed hollowly around them. It listed off areas of damage, breaking up occasionally. By the sound of it, he had to assume everything was damaged. Stupid computer. Grunt and the two other krogan soldiers came up behind him, surveying the damage.

"Any idea where she is?" Grunt asked, his voice slightly muffled from his helmet.

Wrex nodded as he brought his arm up to activate his omni-tool. "Blue had a tracker in her suit. Long as she isn't dust, we'll get to her."

The clan leader fiddled with the information Liara had forwarded to him. Her message told him that the Normandy was able to take off a couple of hours prior, but it could take as long as two weeks for them to make their way back to Earth. Returning a message, he reassured her that they would do what they could to find Shepard.

Grunt stepped forward to bend down and pick up a holo-frame, looking at the picture for a moment. He tossed it lightly on to a desk that managed to stay upright before continuing on. The crunch of glass sounded under his boots in protest. All four krogan snapped to their right when they heard a bang, their weapons raised in half a second.

Scuttling of feet was heard before the keeper came into full view, tugging at something. One of its four feet was dragging slightly beside it. Wrex couldn't remember if keepers could really get injured. Its green neck was curved and bowed down to look at the object it struggled with. After a few seconds, Wrex realized it was dragging a body across the ward … a salarian by the look of it. He grunted before going back to his omni-tool.

"Guess nothing kills those damn things," he observed.

"Looks like they're trying to clean everything up," one of his soldiers said. "Maybe they got more work done farther in."

"Think they got the life systems working?" another grumbled. "I hate this helmet."

"Grunt, check it out," Wrex ordered. "See if we can breathe up here. With those windows out, you can't be too sure."

"Air's fine," Grunt answered as his omni-tool scanned the area. "The vacuum seal must of held out."

Wrex nodded as his own omni-tool beeped. "Looks like Shepard's signal is in the upper wards. We're in for a walk, boys. Helmets can come off, but keep your omni-tools on. Put 'em back on if there's any kind of warning, I'm not havin' anyone's head explode."

The four krogan men began walking through the wards. Occasionally, a keeper would be moving in the distance, dragging debris or possibly other dead beings. Wrex figured it was pointless to ask, damn things never talked, anyway. Grunt was becoming more impatient as they continued scaling fallen equipment, piles of ash, and other more questionable charred, unrecognizable mounds. They tried their best to avoid stepping on those mounds. Krogan were a ruthless people, and damn proud of it, but they didn't like unnecessary cruelty. Here, among the practical ruins of a space station all of them knew well, they were conscious of their surroundings, hoping for other movement, to see if any other survivors were around. Aside from the keepers' occasional crossings, all was quiet.

Wrex and his soldiers were among the several on Earth who had no idea what happened up on the Crucible. In fact, he had no idea Shepard ended up at the middle of the blast … he thought she was on the Normandy with the rest of the aliens he called friends. By all appearances, several aliens weren't able to evacuate in time. Especially the humans, who were recognizable as they were laid together in neat piles here and there. Probably due to the keepers and their work. Unfortunate, yes, but it could have been a lot worse if Shepard hadn't given everyone a head's up. To think one human did so much to gather an entire universe to save all of them …

The clan leader had to laugh to himself. Shepard had more quads than some of his squads put together.

"Up ahead," Grunt muttered, pointing his shotgun in the direction of a figure hunched down on the ground.

A short distance from the figure, a man with gray hair laid on his back, abnormal blue eyes staring up. The bullet hole on the side of his head told them enough about what his end was. Grunt approached the figure he first spotted. He thought the man would be all right, considering he was sitting relatively unharmed. Chin resting on his chest, the man appeared as if he was asleep, but all of them could smell the blood after a moment, a deep stain on his Alliance gear. Wrex nudged the man just slightly with the butt of his shotgun. It came as no surprise when the man didn't respond. None of them recognized Admiral David Anderson for the moment, his final resting place.

Wrex would deny jumping if anyone asked, but he lurched when his omni-tool beeped loudly. He brought it up to him to see that Shepard's signal was a very short distance away. He excitedly straightened up and looked around him. As if driven by instinct, Grunt was already headed the direction his omni-tool pointed out.

Though the two men were relatively untouched, about eighty feet away, massive piles of rubble smoldered and shifted with hollow moans occasionally. Wrex then noticed a faint dark blue wave, shimmering within the rubble. It seemed to struggle, like a flame responding to the wind, fighting to stay illuminated. He didn't stop Grunt as the young krogan went closer, his gun pointed at the ready. Omni-tool beeping again, he realized they were mere feet from Shepard's location. Somewhere in the dark, charred rubble, one of thew few humans he trusted with his life laid …

Grunt was now digging through the remains of the area, his gun strapped to his back. Without a word, he knew Shepard was the blue light. And he would be damned if he would see his battlemaster's light go out. Wrex came up to begin helping. Thankfully, it was a few seconds before they exposed an arm, then a side, a leg … This body was dirty, covered in blood, and an angry red shade in some places …

This body was uncomfortably still. The two krogan felt as if they were being electrocuted as its biotics travelled over them, a last line of instinctual defense. Exposing more of its upper half, Grunt paused his hand over the N7 logo on the body's chest plate. He reached underneath the burned, broken, limp body to bring it up and cradle it in his arms. Wrex sighed quietly, wondering if biotics had a sort of rolling effect after someone died. Maybe that was why they were able to spot—

Urdnot Grunt shouted in surprise as the body in his hands gasped loudly. Its breath was ragged, exhausted and strained, but all of them could hear it. Grunt's smile could have split his face in two as he snapped his head up to look in Wrex's direction. A raspy cough came from the body as Grunt stood up, still cradling it in his arms …

Battered, broken, and burned, she laid spread out in her favorite tank-grown krogan's arms. Her chest rose and fell sporadically, but it moved. Biotics flared from her body again, as if to warn Grunt to let go of her, but of course he ignored it. Straightening up, the young one began to walk back through the remains of the Citadel. Though she was far from conscious, Wrex still couldn't contain his own grin.

Without a doubt, Commander Shepard had more quads than any being he knew.


	19. Normandy (Shepard's Cabin)

Garrus wasn't particularly sure why he kept coming back to Shepard's cabin. The constant feeling of emptiness seemed to swallow him whole, draining any positive feelings he had. They had yet to hear from Wrex on his expedition, but he tried to remain hopeful that it would end well. He supposed he should grieve, allow himself to succumb to the feelings of loss and worry. Turians weren't really criers, though. And Tali and Liara seemed to do enough of that on their own.

Tali hid in the lower decks of the Normandy, in the stairwell near the engineering room. Liara used the privacy of her office. It wasn't hard to tell, from Liara's eyes and Tali's voice, what they were doing. Garrus and Liara had decided that telling the crew about Wrex's plan would be more damaging than helpful for the time being. The first test flight of the Normandy would take place in the morning, so all of the crew needed to have all of their attention on the task. Of course, that didn't stop Liara from worrying. She was fighting the tears in her eyes even as Garrus excused himself from her office.

He ran a gloved finger over Shepard's desk, eying the console and datapads that littered most of it. Shepard was never one to worry about cleanliness when she was doing her research. To anyone else, it looked like a chaotic mess … to her, she could find what she was looking for instantly by shuffling a few pads to the side. Liara was practically driven crazy by the condition of the commander's desk.

After a moment, he decided to sit down on one of the couches, a short distance from the bed they had shared on more than one occasion. Before going through the Omega 4 relay, though, he rarely came up to Shepard's cabin. The one time he came close was after Horizon. Garrus shut his eyes, shaking his head at the memory …

* * *

He had been worried he was going to disturb her. More often than not, Shepard visited him in the main battery when she wanted to talk, and he was all right with that. Actually, every once in a while, he made excuses not to talk, like wanting to focus on his calibrations. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Shepard. On the contrary, Shepard was one of the only beings in existence he trusted completely. But telling her everything that happened, the blur of two years that went by without her, all of the loss he suffered because his own idiotic mistakes … all of that was too much for now. Maybe someday, he could tell her more than the quick version, but, for now, he kept that to himself.

Horizon brought up some heavy stuff for her. The two of them never got too deep into emotions. Shepard often made the joke that she liked not having to feel around him. It was apparent their trust was mutual, there was rarely a time she went out on a mission without him, but both of them had their own secrets. Things to hide from by pretending they didn't exist. Jokes, friendly shooting competitions, arguing over weapon usage, laughing at inappropriate moments while the other squad mates looked at them like they were crazy … It was common practice for the human and turian partners on the field.

Seeing Kaidan Alenko seemed to throw Shepard off. His reaction to her made Garrus angry, though he kept it in check. No matter what they were doing, who they were working for, he was supposed to be Shepard's friend. Tali even mentioned that he had feelings for Shepard once, though the commander gently turned him down. Humans were strange creatures, without a doubt, but he knew responding as if she were the enemy was no way to react in a reunion.

Kaidan's words seemed to physically strike her at times. _A ghost … You work for the enemy … You've changed …_ Every word made her flinch or lean away, as if it hurt her. She had already lost several members of a human colony, now one of her old friends thought of her as a traitor … Once he, Kasumi, and Shepard boarded the shuttle, she plopped down on a seat, putting her head in her hands. Garrus put a hesitant hand on her shoulder. She looked up and forced a small smile, her sign that she was okay, and didn't want to talk about it. He knew both of those indications weren't true.

It took some time for the turian to decide to come up and visit her. Shepard disappeared almost as soon as the shuttle landed, stripping her gear and going to speak to the Illusive Man. He was attempting to focus on some calibrations before caving to his worry, asking EDI where the commander was. Riding the elevator up to her cabin, he felt strangely uncomfortable and maybe even a little nervous. Garrus hated civilian clothes, he hardly ever wore them unless he was forced to, but he decided to change out of his armor before going to see her.

He was about to knock on her door when he heard two different voices. Plus side of turian hearing, he could make out words through metal walls without much hassle.

"So that Kaidan guy was a friend of yours?" Kasumi's smooth voice asked, her tone always sounding on the edge of laughter.

"_Was_ being the appropriate word, apparently," Shepard sighed. She sounded so worn out. "He was with the first Normandy when I was in the Alliance. We went after Saren."

"He didn't seem thrilled to see you or Garrus."

"I suppose you could expect that from someone who thought were dead … And now working with a group you've been hell-bent on stopping."

Kasumi gave a breathy laugh. "Hey, situations change. If there's anyone who knows what that's like, it's a thief. You have to be willing to improvise."

"Improvise …"

The two were quiet for a moment. Garrus caught the soft sound of ice clinking in a glass. He assumed the two were drinking something. Silently, he readjusted himself, leaning against the wall beside the door. Just in case someone decided to walk out unexpectedly.

"You seem kinda down, Shep," Kasumi offered.

Shepard huffed a puff of air, her attempt at a laugh. "That noticeable, huh?"

"Well, maybe not to everyone else, but I spend a lot of time watching people. Sometimes for work, most of the time for fun. So what's up?"

There was a short pause, and he heard Shepard's air escape her in a heavy sigh. "Have you ever felt like everyone is watching you?"

Kasumi laughed again. "I'm a thief, Shepard. It's my job not to be seen. Though I can't tell you how many times I've been watched. I think it's the outfit."

A genuine laugh came from the commander. "Maybe." Yet another pause, as if she was gathering her thoughts, then she continued. "I mean, for so long, I was amazing at not gathering attention. I did what was expected of me, I worked hard to get where I was … Then the Blitz happened, then I became a Spectre, then everything developed with Saren, and now there's the Collectors … Now, it seems like everyone is watching me. The Alliance, the Council, sometimes it feels like the whole damn galaxy. And it feels like, no matter how someone looks at me, or how hard I try, I'll never be what they expect."

"Don't tell me the amazing Commander Shepard has doubts about herself?"

She scoffed. "I have doubts every second of every day, Kasumi. Apparently, I'm just really good at faking it. And ever since Miranda and Cerberus brought me back, it just seems to be getting worse."

"What do you mean?"

"All of my old crew, even some of the new … They all look at me like I'm … I don't know, _inhuman_. They're afraid to make eye contact sometimes. Hell, you're one of the first who came to talk to me, not the other way around."

"You can't really blame your old crew, can you? I mean, all of them basically saw you die, right?"

"I know that. But … I'm here. I'm _me_. Tali seemed terrified of me, Kaidan was practically disgusted …"

"What about Garrus?"

The turian instinctively pressed himself tighter against the wall, as if that would help him hear better. Shepard paused again, and he wondered if that was a bad thing.

"Garrus," she said after another breath, "looked at me like I was the person who could save his ass." He could hear the humor in her voice.

"Exactly!" Kasumi said enthusiastically. "He was happy to see you."

"He was then … I'm not so sure now. More often than not, I feel like I'm bothering him when I go down to the battery to check on him. He just asks if I need him for something, then it's back to that console, or the work bench. He's all about his calibrations."

"From what I've seen of Garrus, he has his own reasons to be closed off. By the sound of it, this Sidonis thing really messed him up."

Garrus flinched at the name. But wait, he didn't tell anyone besides—

"Hold on, I thought I was the only one he told," Shepard said, voicing his thoughts.

"I'm on a space ship with nothing to do, Shepard!" Kasumi spoke as if it should be no shock. "You can't expect me to just sit in my room and twiddle my thumbs. Really."

"You were listening in on us?"

"I listen in on everybody. EDI catches me all the time, but no one else notices me when I have my cloaking devices on."

Shepard laughed. "And why would you sit and listen to Garrus and me?"

"Do you want the honest truth, or should I make something up?"

"I can never tell with you, so take your pick."

Kasumi giggled. "I'll tell you the truth, scout's honor … I like watching you two together. It reminds me a lot of me and Keiji, to be honest."

"You and Keiji?"

"We were partners, just like you two. We went through a lot together, but we always had each other's backs. Garrus would throw himself in front of any bullet for you without second thought, though you're pretty great at hurling yourself at bullets first. Some of the stuff Dr. Chakwas says about you … Anyway, I can tell by the way he looks and talks to you that he trusts you. Once you leave the room, though, I can tell he wanted to say more. I'm not sure what. He's not a mutterer like Mordin."

"We work well together. I would hope he trusts me."

"And, very similar to Keiji and me, I think there's a chance for it to be more."

"What?!" Shepard exclaimed. At the same moment, Garrus's eyebrow plates went up. He was thinking the same thing.

Kasumi only responded with a laugh. "Come on, you don't see it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"That blush on your face says otherwise, Shep. I've always wondered what it'd be like with a turian, just how the whole thing works—"

"_Please_ stop talking."

"—take a little maneuvering, definitely, but do it right and I bet he'd be able to—"

"_Kasumi!_"

The thief laughed again. "And that reaction alone means you've thought about it; am I right?"

"No! Not that way—"

"So in what way have you thought about it?"

"Listen, Garrus is one of the greatest people I've met. We get along, we fight extraordinarily well together, we have fun …"

"Perfect recipe for space ship romance," Kasumi cut in.

"_But_ he'd never look at me like that. I know he wouldn't."

"And how can you be so sure?"

"He trusts me, and I trust him. Actually, he's one of the first I've trusted with everything in a _long_ time … I would never risk breaking that kind of relationship just on the hope of having some fling."

"I doubt Shepard-Vakarian would be 'some fling.' You'll never know until you ask him."

"For God's sake, am I suddenly in high school?"

Kasumi's laugh made Shepard sigh. "What can I say? I enjoy the classics."

"Classics meaning …?"

"Girl meets turian, turian joins girl's military mission, girl dies, then gets brought back, turian goes on his own, only to be rescued by girl and her team to fight to save the galaxy together … It's practically out of a novel."

Shepard's laugh seemed to send a shiver through Garrus. "Page for page, right?"

"Almost verbatim!" He heard a nearly silent movement, sensing someone coming closer to the door. Garrus straightened up from the wall and went to press the button for the elevator. A rush of panic came over him as the contraption did nothing. "Listen, just think about it. I bet you'd be surprised. And even if it doesn't work out, I know Garrus will never back out on you. He cares about you too much."

"There isn't anything to think about, Kasumi …"

"Of course there is. You're still blushing. Good night, Shep."

Garrus was pressed against the wall next to the elevator, hoping that he was somehow invisible. Kasumi Goto stepped out with a grin across her face, her eyes covered by her black hood. She waited to step forward until the door closed behind her. Garrus cleared his throat, attempting to recover from his compromising position.

"Thanks, EDI," Kasumi said casually. The elevator doors opened the second she pressed the button.

"You are welcome, Miss Goto," EDI's formal voice replied above them.

Kasumi nodded toward the elevator. "Looks like you were heading out. We can share the ride."

"You knew I was here," Garrus muttered, realizing.

Kasumi's grin widened slightly. "Why do you think I brought you up?"

The turian followed the thief into the elevator, still disbelieving what he had heard. He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall as she pressed the button for the crew quarters deck.

"How could you possibly—"

"You're extremely quiet. It's rare for anyone to catch me off guard, though. I knew it was you after I mentioned your name. Pressing yourself into a wall doesn't actually help you hear better, you know."

"Did Shepard know? Was all that just to joke with me?"

Kasumi shook her head. "No joke, Garrus. Everything she said was what Shepard's been thinking. I know exactly what you're going to say, though."

"Do you?"

"You and Shepard are great partners on the field. She's an incredible commander who knows more about military and strategy than any human you've met, even in your C-Sec days. You respect her more than she'll ever know, but becoming personal with her seems to go against everything she represents. You want to know more about her, and you know you can trust her to know more about you, but you're afraid you'd be breaking protocol if you made a step in that direction."

Garrus blinked. "How did—"

"Turian fingers are harder to decipher when they're typing, but I got it figured out eventually. You were going to send that message to someone named Solana, but you changed your mind." Kasumi shrugged, looking upwards. "You've already heard my opinion. I think you guys have a real chance at going down that path. At the same time, both of you are absolutely terrified. Well, not terrified—neither of you are afraid of anything, really—you're confused, I think. It is a risk, but how can you know if it's worth it until you try?"

"I never—" the turian stopped momentarily. This whole conversation caught him off-guard. "I wouldn't even know what to do. She's human, first of all …"

"That hasn't stopped other turians before."

"She didn't even go after someone of her _species _…"

"That Kaidan guy? He was cute, and seemed like a sweetheart, but not her type. It's not who she needs."

"How am _I_ what she needs?"

Kasumi laughed softly. "Like I said, I'm great at watching people. You see Shepard. Not a commander, not a Spectre, not a military hero, or a failure … definitely not a genetic abomination like she thinks she is … You see her. That is something she always remembers."

"Well, of course I see her … she's Shepard."

"You'd be surprised how many people have trouble seeing _her_, not the image everyone else has made of her. It really bothers her …" Kasumi noticed the look on Garrus's face. "She talks in her sleep once in a while."

"You've … seen her sleep? How has EDI not locked you out of her cabin?"

"I've made bets with her about if anyone will catch me. Surprisingly enough, she hasn't ratted me out yet. I kind of like her, for being an AI."

"Thank you, Ms. Goto," EDI answered.

"You're welcome."

The elevator halted on the crew quarters deck. Garrus followed the thief out. As she began to head toward the Port Observation room, she looked over her shoulder to him.

"Both of you really should think about it," she said. "And no, not just to fulfill my drama quota, but because I think both of deserve something good for once."

With that, she disappeared into her room, leaving Garrus with the most baffled expression a turian could hold.

* * *

Back in the present, Garrus opened his eyes to look around Shepard's cabin once again. He silently urged Wrex and his team to get to the Crucible quickly, and do whatever they could to bring her back. Kasumi was definitely right about one thing:

Shepard-Vakarian would never be "just some fling."


	20. Normandy (Re-Launch)

"So have the navigations figured out where we are?" Kaidan asked as he entered the CIC from the War Room.

He was taking the time to do one last pass on all of the crew, making sure everything was passing their last operations check. As long as everything worked out, they would be up in the air within the hour. Joker spent majority of the morning checking on the major's location. It was obvious the pilot was itching to take to the skies again. As Kaidan said to him what felt like a thousand times before, they would be ready to go soon.

Specialist Samantha Traynor seemed to jump at his question. Her attention was completely on the console in front of her. Clearing her throat, she turned to look at Kaidan as he stepped up on to the galaxy map's perch. It felt strange to stand there, but as the commanding officer, he had to do what was necessary for the time being. The galaxy map showed various planets, systems, and clusters in rapid succession, like someone was fast-forwarding and rewinding a vid repetitively.

"The map still seems … off," he said with a dejected tone.

"Oh, that's just a projection problem, unfortunately," Traynor explained quickly. "Nothing's wrong with the navigation systems. The actual holographs are a little strange, but we know where we are."

"Which is?"

"The upper hemisphere of Eden Prime, actually. By the looks of the area and research, we landed in some elevated land that was never adapted for colonization … In other words, it was a spot no one bothered to reach before."

Kaidan huffed and shook his head. "We end where it all began. Kind of ironic."

"Maybe poetic, sir."

"I'll settle for that. I thought between Cerberus and the Reapers, Eden Prime was up in flames."

"Only certain areas, mostly the densely populated ones … The colonies were deserted the last time we were here."

"It is where Liara, the turian, and the commander awoke me," Javik's deep voice said behind them.

Kaidan turned to see the Prothean's four eyes focused on the rapidly moving holographs in front of him. He had to be honest with himself; despite how big of a discovery it was to find an existing Prothean in the galaxy, Kaidan nearly always forgot about Javik. In fact, except for Shepard's shore leave party and the times he went out on the field with her, he couldn't recall seeing the Prothean leave the lower decks of the ship. Javik preferred to be left alone, so Kaidan did so. Though it seemed like the ladies of the squad ignored that implication, since Shepard, Liara, and Tali radioed or visited him on a semi-regular basis.

"Yes, it was," Traynor nodded.

"I'm surprised to see you on the upper decks, Javik," Kaidan commented.

"I am surprised all of us are still here," Javik said before turning to the left and walking to the side of the map's projection system.

"I believe that is his way of saying he's happy we are still alive," Liara sighed as she approached the two of them. "I was wondering if Glyph or myself may be of service for any last moment preparations."

"As far as I'm aware, we're ready to go," Kaidan answered, watching Javik as the alien man inspected the side of the projection system intently. "Traynor?"

"I'm going through the final radio checks with everyone," Traynor explained. "Once we get the okay and everyone is strapped in, we'll take off."

Liara cringed at the last statement. "Is it necessary for us to be restrained again? Though I have healed since then, I'm uncertain if I am ready for another encounter."

"Sorry, Liara, but it's just a precaution. Except for the crew members who are absolutely necessary, everyone will be in the harnesses. The checks are all passing so far, but we can't be sure if the gravity, or even the atmospheric systems are working properly until we really have an environment to test them in."

"So, basically, we won't know if we can breathe in space until we're up there?" Kaidan asked.

Traynor laughed nervously. "Not exactly, but close enough. I'm positive everything will be fine, but you can never be too sure, right?"

"Right. Uh, Javik, what are—"

Before the man could finish his question, Javik's fist connected with a side panel of the holographic projections. A biotic haze glowed around his fist as he pulled away. There was now a sizeable dent in the panel. Kaidan was about to reprimand the Prothean, but stopped short when he looked at the galaxy map. The map's images flickered momentarily, then whirled into place, stopping. With that, it was no worse for wear, showing their location on the map with a bright red dot: Eden Prime, Utopia System, Exodus Cluster.

"Well," Traynor said after a shocked pause in the group, "I guess we never tried that strategy. Uh, thank you, Javik."

"Technology has always been too heavily relied on," Javik grumbled.

"Javik," Liara said pointedly.

The Prothean sighed. "You are welcome."

With that, he turned and walked away. Kaidan had to smile and shake his head. It was a quiet bet between most of the squad mates when the Prothean and asari would get together. Shepard wasn't a big fan of the idea, but Tali argued that opposites were meant to attract. Maybe the quarian would be right …

"Engineering ready to go?" he asked Traynor, remembering the task at hand.

"Ready, sir," Chief Engineer Adams answered from Traynor's console.

"How about the drive core?"

"Operational," Tali came in. "I'll keep you updated if anything happens."

"Thanks, guys. Joker."

"Yes, sir?" Joker's voice answered excitedly over the ship's communications.

"We're ready to go when you are."

"All right! Take-off in five minutes, people."

The next five minutes were spent getting the other members of the crew to their safety harnessed seats around the ship. Kaidan and Traynor were among the few who remained standing. A collective silence enclosed the CIC as everyone settled into their positions. In a couple of minutes, they would find out if their ship could get in the air, or if they were to be stranded for an unknown amount of time. Hopefully, it wouldn't be the latter.

"Final checks complete," Joker announced over the comm systems. "Launching in t-minus one minute …"

Sixty seconds seemed like hours while they waited. Kaidan stood next to Traynor, gripping the railing in front of the galaxy map. The rest of the crew called from various places on the ship, announcing that they were prepared and ready to go. After a few more moments, Joker's voice came back on over the communications, his voice serious.

"Five … four … three … two … one … Launch initiated."

There was a slight pull as the ship began to move forward. Kaidan looked throughout the CIC, noticing all of the crew looking nervously at their feet, at the walls across from them, at each other. Just as they seemed to hold a collective breath, a shining orb appeared from the elevator. Glyph floated casually around the CIC, stopping in front of Liara and Javik.

"Dr. T'Soni," his bright mechanical voice chimed, causing everyone to turn their attention to him.

"Glyph, could this wait?" Liara said with an exasperated tone. "We are waiting on—"

"I apologize for the interruption, doctor, but I was told to inform you when I received a message—"

The ship rattled unexpectedly, pitching everyone forward against their harnesses. Kaidan looked to Traynor as she held on to her communications console.

"What was that?" she asked.

"The engines," Adams answered, slightly panicked. "They seemed to be threatening to shut down. We think we've stabilized."

"Joker?"

"Stabilized," Joker responded. "Tali, ready to watch the drive core, we'll be hitting FTL."

"Ready when you are, Joker," Tali said, her voice tense.

"Dr. T'Soni, there is a message for you," Glyph announced once again.

"Yes, Glyph, I am aware, but could it please wait?" Liara snapped.

"FTL initiated in three … two … one."

There was a slight vibration of the ship as the drive was activated. For a moment, everyone was deadly silent, waiting for anything to go wrong. Traynor's fingers worked over her communications console quickly, checking the atmospheric systems and simulated gravity for any problems. If any of their other systems didn't hold up …

"I do sincerely apologize for the interruption, Dr. T'Soni," Glyph pressed once again.

"Drone, do you not know how to take orders?" Javik demanded.

"It is a priority message from Urdnot Wrex. He has stated—"

"Glyph!" Liara snapped, trying to make him stop talking.

"The krogan have intercepted Commander Shepard!" the mechanical voice chimed before she could instruct him further.

The entirety of the crew turned to look in their direction, shocked at the drone's announcement.

Glyph continued, hardly noticing. "The commander is currently in a stable condition in a London hospital. He did not go into extensive detail about her condition, but has confirmed that Commander Shepard is, in fact, alive!"

"FTL successful!" Joker said happily. "Looks like we're in the clear. Our destination, Major?"

After a long moment of silence, the crew began to exit their harnessed seats, standing to return to their positions on the Normandy. It seemed like no one was able to fully react to their successful flight and the news Glyph declared. Traynor looked to Kaidan, who was looking at the galaxy map with a shocked expression. Liara came up to stand at his side. She began speaking, and it was apparent the rest of the crew was focusing on her as well.

"I apologize for not explaining the situation," she said. "Garrus and I decided to contact Wrex, since he and his crew were on Earth. They went to the Crucible to search for Shepard."

"But she's alive?" Kaidan wondered.

"According to Glyph and Wrex, yes. The message says they found her on the Crucible with some considerable injuries, but the doctors are doing what they can to take care of her."

Kaidan nodded and looked up. "Joker, we're heading to Earth."

"Sounds good!" Joker said enthusiastically.

Collectively, the rest of the crew cheered and clapped. Good news was something they needed to hear. Liara excused herself to go locate Garrus, who was likely down in the main battery again. Kaidan stepped away from the galaxy map's perch to go to the cockpit. Joker would be excited to hear the news, but the major already found himself beginning to worry. He could only hope that Commander Shepard remained stable while they travelled.

By Traynor's calculations, it would take them 16 days to return to the Sol system, plus three more to reach Earth once they came into the system. If all things went smoothly, they would land on Earth in about 20 days.

Knowing that Shepard was now there, it would feel even longer.


	21. The Forest

Somewhere in the darkness, she began to hear voices. Fear gripped her heart as she listened. The forest came to her mind, and she began to wonder if there would be more voices calling to her. Certainly the shadows would be more densely packed now, reminding her of the lives she was responsible for, the people she had let down.

What if the Crucible didn't work? Now she would be surrounded by the voices of nearly everyone in the galaxy. She feared they would be angry with her. Though they had every right to be, she hoped she couldn't hear them. Maybe she was meant to spend eternity plagued by these lost spirits. Constant reminders of her failure because she was supposed to save the galaxy, the guiding light to all life. She wanted to laugh at herself. No pressure or anything. But the humor in her was gone.

It wasn't enough; all of this had been for nothing …

Commander Shepard wanted to call to them, ask the voices what happened to them, how they came to be in the forest with her. She wanted to find Thane or Mordin, the familiar voices that strangely comforted her when she was here. Maybe the forest was just part of her afterlife. If she began walking, there was a chance it would break up into other parts of eternity: her family home, the Normandy, maybe even a quiet bar where a tall turian with blue markings would be waiting for her with two drinks in his hands, his mandibles flared up in a grin that made her feel weak when it caught her off-guard …

Her throat was clenched up, unable to let her voice come out. The darkness was still solid. No trees or shadows began to form around her, but the words continued. She couldn't make sense of them, no matter how hard she concentrated. Moving her legs, or hands, was out of the question for now. Willing herself to move, she began to feel panic creep into her, like cold tendrils weaving into her thoughts. This better not be her eternity, unable to move or speak, listening to the distance murmur of voices that she couldn't understand.

Cold panic began to blend with hot anger at the prospect. Shepard was already fully aware that she had to spend the endlessness never knowing what came of the people she cared about, or the galaxy she knew. That was enough. Hadn't she earned the chance of some kind of _peace_ here? Even if the galaxy ended with her, didn't all of them deserve some kind of peace? Not this torturing constriction, trapped in her thoughts and feelings. Not this … bullshit!

_Open your eyes, Shepard_, she ordered to herself. _Clench your fists. Wiggle your toes. _Move, _damn you!_

Damnation be damned; this was not what anyone deserved. Whatever greater being decided this fate for her had another thing coming. Her anger swelled in her thoughts, a red haze forming in front of her. As she mentally struggled against the darkness, determined to be free of it, the voices became clearer. The red haze began to burn her eyes. Emotion in the voices came to her before the words finally did. Worry, panic, slight anger …

"—edatives," the first voice began to make sense. It sounded stressed, worried.

"Enough to take down a rhinoceros, I'm fairly sure," a second answered. This accented one sounded tense, but amused.

"Her eyes have been moving rapidly … She can't be regaining consciousness."

"Let's hope not. The commander has a lot to recover from before we can allow that to happen."

Hearing the second voice say "commander" snapped the pieces together. The voice was nobody but Miranda Lawson, her second-in-command in her days with Cerberus. A flash of hurt came through her. Miranda had the most promise to live past all of the Reaper attacks. The woman was smart, resourceful, and basically too damn stubborn to go down quietly. Shepard wanted to ask her what happened, but her voice continued to be constricted, stopped by some obstruction in her throat.

The red haze continued to become brighter, hurting her right eye at this point. Momentarily, she wondered why her left eye didn't see the same thing, but this was eternity, possibly her damnation. At the moment, every question she wanted to ask was stopped short. Obviously she was not meant to make sense of all of it yet. Shepard urged herself to move, open her eyes.

After a struggle, her right eye snapped open. Bright light made her want to turn away, but she began to blink it away sluggishly. The red haze lingered, clouding her vision. To her right, she finally saw the familiar dark hair, an intensely stern look in her direction. Miranda Lawson. She wanted to speak to her so badly. The woman took a step forward, speaking over her to someone to her left. On her left, though, all she saw was darkness.

"Damn woman," Miranda's voice came to her before Shepard saw her lips move. "I should've known. Increase the sedative."

_No, wait! _Shepard wanted to yell, but darkness began to shiver around her eyesight again. She didn't understand what she saw, what she heard. This eternity made no sense. What was all this?

"Sleep, Commander," the smooth accented voice ordered. "You'll be awake when you're ready."

_Ready?_ The darkness swallowed her vision completely, taking the brightness, red haze, and Miranda from her. Her urge to struggle was drained away, and she allowed her thoughts to quiet. At least she could sleep in eternity …

* * *

"She's reported as temporarily critical, but alive, sir," Kaidan Alenko said with a lighter tone than what he'd had in days. "Not out of the woods yet, but there's a lot of promise."

"That's fantastic," Admiral Hackett answered, his blue hologram smiling. "Shepard is a hell of a soldier. If anyone can make it through this, it's her."

"I agree, sir."

"She's on Earth?"

"London, to be specific. According to Wrex, they've cleared out some buildings that had minimal damage and turned them into make-shift hospitals. The military and civilians are pooling everything they have together to help with injuries. We don't have knowledge of number of casualties yet, but we should have an idea soon."

"Understood. Am I correct in thinking the Normandy is operational again?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yes, sir. We took off from Eden Prime about six days ago. All systems are remaining stable. We're in good hands with Joker at the helm … Actually, sir, that is one of the reasons I've contacted you."

"Go on, Major."

"The Normandy is at your disposal, Admiral … but the decision has been made for us to head to Earth. With the news of Shepard, it is where we feel we need to be."

There was a long silence as Hackett's hologram looked down at its feet. His hands were behind his back, and he seemed to tense up at the major's statement. Kaidan wondered for a moment if he had lost connection because the hologram didn't move for several seconds. Hackett finally looked up at him again.

"I understand the excitement," he said hesitantly. "I would love to know that Commander Shepard is in a stable condition … With that said, the Normandy is an Alliance ship, Major Alenko. And right now, the orders of any Alliance ship is to ready for rescue and recovery missions. Travelling all the way to Earth right now should be out of the question."

"I assume full responsibility for the decision, Admiral Hackett," Kaidan answered in an unwavering voice. "Full reports on the conditions on Earth and suggestions for what we can do to help will be sent to you as soon as I am able. Of course, I also assume full responsibility of any punishment you feel necessary for the disregard of orders. But Admiral, she would do the same if it were any of us, and Commander Shepard's crew is not about to leave her after all she's done."

Hackett was quiet once again. Kaidan held his breath, preparing for any backlash he would receive. The elder soldier sighed, but a smile slowly came across his features.

"I expect a notification once you've landed on Earth. Any and all reports that could help with organizing assistance will be read thoroughly. If the Normandy will be more helpful on Earth, I expect to hear about it. Same goes for Shepard's condition; I expect to be updated when necessary. And Major?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Tell Commander Shepard she has quite the crew. Hackett out."

The hologram faded out as the vid-call ended. Kaidan exhaled heavily, but couldn't help smiling as he straightened up. He turned to see Garrus Vakarian leaning in the doorway, his mandibles flared up in a grin of his own. The turian had been insistent to stand nearby in case the conference went awry. If Hackett wasn't willing to listen to Kaidan, Garrus was willing to risk his freedom to tell the admiral otherwise. He was thankful it didn't come to that.

"Hell of an authority voice, Major," he joked.

"I'm the second human Spectre," Kaidan shrugged. "You gotta put the face on."

"What a great face it is, sir," Joker said over the ship's communications. It came as no shock to the two of them that he was listening in on the conversation.

"How are we doing, Joker?"

"ETA, 13 days, give or take. It'll take a little bit longer, but we're making good time."

"Thanks."

Kaidan then nodded at Garrus before the two of them left the vid comm room. After a moment, the major asked Traynor to have any available crew meet in the lounge. Garrus looked at him questioningly as they continued out of the War Room.

"The lounge?" he asked.

"Hey, it's not much, but I think we earned something to celebrate," Kaidan explained. "It's been all worry and business since we left Earth. Maybe it's not completely proper, but I think it's something we all need, at least for one night. So, what do you say? One drink with the crew to toast to Shepard?"

Garrus grinned again, feeling lighter since hearing about Shepard. She held her end of the bargain, and they would see each other soon. He was starting to understand why his girlfriend insisted on positivity so much, or at least faking it. It actually felt really good. "I think I'll take two. Especially if Joker has a recording of that performance."


	22. Earth

"Tali! Blue!"

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy couldn't help laughing as Urdnot Wrex swept her and Liara up in his arms. The asari beside her seemed completely caught off-guard, even letting out an unnatural squeak as the krogan lifted their feet from the ground. It felt like ages since they had seen their friend, so she didn't mind his excitement. Garrus and Kaidan shook hands with Grunt, immediately exchanging jokes about the young krogan staying well-fed. It was strange to see a krogan who was genetically designed to hate turians laughing with one, but it made Tali happy to see how much they had all grown in such a short time.

Apparently, war made everyone reminiscent.

It also made several people realize how close they had come to losing everything. The space above Earth's atmosphere was littered with ship and Reaper debris. Joker tried to avoid it, though anyone near a window could see the remains of the Crucible floating in the planet's orbit. The Prothean weapon had drifted from the damaged Citadel. Darkness covered much of the structure, but they could make out wreckage around it and the gaping hole that was ripped from the metal, spherical walls that covered the origin of the beam. Tali was amazed at the complexity of it, even slightly jealous that she never got the chance to study the technology so many races put together to end the war (Of course, she regretted nothing about staying with the Normandy over the years.). Liara mentioned that they would more than likely gather resources to collect the remains to study Prothean technology further … Tali had a feeling that was mostly the Shadow Broker's plan, though.

Joker maneuvered around metal and rock; dust and ash collected in motionless clouds in space. The quarian woman had to stifle a shocked scream when the forked apex of a Reaper came into view. As the ship pulled away from the remains, however, she saw several of its limbs suspended in space away from the main body. What once appeared to be red lights within the metal workings of the Reaper were now dark. Cruel or not, she was relieved to see a Reaper this way.

Landing was not as challenging as their pilot anticipated. Now from the lack of his talent or the ability of his ship, but Joker worried if there would be anywhere for them to land once they came to London. Gray clouds hung low in the sky, forcing them to fly lower than Joker would have liked. The soft sounds of rain against metal resonated through the Normandy, and slow, billowing clouds came around them again. It took a moment for Tali to realize that it wasn't more clouds, but a combination of dense smoke, ash, and fog. For roughly 30 days now, London had been burning.

Joker went through the proper protocols, requesting permission to land the ship. A faint answer through the static told him to land on the northeastern side of the city, where some docking stations had been cleared. The Normandy dropped down to dock without much trouble, though it was crowded. Ships of all types were grouped together in the station. Tali recognized quarian, turian, human, and krogan ships quickly, taking note of some that she hadn't seen before. Cortez, who was standing beside her, assumed they were ships that landed after the Crucible detonated.

The crew straightened up from their positions after Joker announced a successful landing. No one was completely sure on what to do next, Tali among them. It had been a month since any of them had seen Earth, and the idea of the aftermath was frightening. Who had any idea how many people died, how many were now stranded on this planet or anywhere else? Would everything be chaos, or would some kind of order still be intact? Had rebuilding already begun, or was all of the shock of the war still crippling—

A hand gently touched her shoulder, startling the quarian from her thoughts. Kaidan smiled as she whirled around to see him. She didn't realize she was standing in the middle of the walkway beside the galaxy map.

"Sorry," Tali mumbled, stepping to the side.

Kaidan, however, didn't continue on his way. "You doin' okay?"

"Yes, fine. Just … nervous."

"Nervous?"

"How could you not be? We've been wandering space for 30 days. Who knows what's happened? We could be walking out into a city taken over by flames and … pirates for all we know."

Traynor laughed. "Tali, an Alliance command frequency gave us permission to land here."

"Everyone can sound like an Alliance command frequency. _I _could sound like an Alliance command frequency."

"Where did this worry-wart side of you suddenly come from?"

Tali paused. "Worry … wart?"

"It's someone who is worried or stressed out about something before they really know what's happening," Kaidan explained the human phrase. He smiled and patted her shoulder again. "Try not to get too freaked out yet, okay? The fact that we were able to land is a really good thing."

"Major, Major Coats of the British Alliance is requesting to come on board," Joker's voice came over the comms. "He says he's met you before."

"Coats was with Anderson our first drop here," Garrus said behind the two of them.

"Oh, I remember," Kaidan nodded. "I'll meet him at the airlock. Thanks, Joker."

Tali and Garrus followed the man without much thought. Of course, they would play the "Alliance business" card at some point, but for now, they would catch as much information as they could. After a few moments, the airlock opened to reveal a man in full armor standing with an impatient expression. He was the same height as Kaidan with slicked back dark hair and almost-gray eyes. Though he looked exhausted, he stood with authority, so Tali had to assume this man was in charge of the area.

"Spectre Alenko, yeah?" he said with a slightly unusual accent, reaching his hand out to greet Kaidan.

"That's correct," Kaidan answered as he shook his hand. "Major Coats?"

"Right. Saw you with Shepard before the last blow-out, I'm glad you all made it."

"You, too. How did your squad end up?"

Coats sighed. "We lost most of our men on the push to the conduit. Calling a retreat got some of them away, but not near enough. That's the risk you take when enlisting, I suppose. Still … damn hard."

"Always is. London isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be …"

"True, we got lucky. But I think the luckiest one is the one you're here to see."

Kaidan looked slightly surprised. "You know about—?"

"'Bout a month ago, a group of krogan 'commandeered' a human civilian shuttle from this station. The pilot eventually radioed explaining they were headed to the Citadel. Came back safely and without any fight, but they had an extra passenger."

"So Shepard really is here?"

Nodding, Major Coats smiled weakly. "The Commander is here and apparently still kicking. Over on the West End district, at the make-shift hospitals. I'd be happy to escort a group if you like. We'll have to go on foot for most of it, though. West End has majority of our emergency residence, so we don't want to disturb the place with a bunch of sky cars."

After some discussion, Joker, Traynor, and the ship operating crew decided to stay with the Normandy for the time being. They would use the time to double check their systems, and meet with the docking station's supervisor to see if they could be of any use. Kaidan seemed reluctant to leave the ship (Tali had to figure it was because he was the commanding officer), but Traynor assured him that everything would be taken care of.

By the end of it, a group consisting of Kaidan, Liara, Garrus, Tali, James, and Javik followed Major Coats out into the streets of London. Liara had to convince the Prothean to come with them, though Tali could agree with the idea. Each of the group had been out with Shepard on the field at one time or another, fighting beside her. It seemed appropriate that they would go to see her together.

Steady rainfall collected in puddles and streams down the sides of the streets. Tali held an arm out in front of her for a moment, watching the drops travel down her enviro-suit. Fleetingly, she wondered how it felt. She had to guess it was chilly because of the puffs of air coming from her friends' mouths as they traveled. Liara wrapped her arms around herself, looking down at her feet as they walked. Javik looked at the damaged architecture around them with a steely expression. Garrus was in front of her, walking beside Kaidan and Major Coats, with rainwater dripping from the back of his horns. James was beside her, strangely quiet as they went on.

"So how exactly is West End an emergency residence?" Kaidan asked.

"A good majority of the city lost its power, with the Reapers tearing everything apart," Coats explained. "The engineers we have on hand have been working on rebuilding a circuit; West End was the first area they got operational. Most of the hospitals were wrecked or complete rubble, so we cleared out some warehouses and industrial buildings to use as impromptu medical buildings. Thank God for generators."

"There's probably a lot of homeless now," Tali said quietly, looking around at the buildings.

"It could have been a lot worse if the fires kept going. The rain has been a big help, but sometimes we have flare-ups. Only soldiers and able-bodied volunteers have been part of the clean-up. Everyone else has been put into West End to work on organizing supplies and just stay safe. We've had recovery teams go out every day to look for survivors or anyone who needs help."

"Any trouble there?" Kaidan asked. "People tend to get a little crazy when things like this happen …"

Coats laughed. "Well, try going crazy when there's a krogan with a shotgun in front of you. All of the aliens here have been working with the Alliance to keep running as smooth as we can. Far from perfect, but again, it could have been a lot worse."

"Have there been any other shuttles out to search for more survivors in surrounding areas? Or even the Citadel?"

"Three Citadel trips brought back about 250 rescued … Not nearly the number we hoped, but at least it's something. From what they've found, the Citadel's life systems are still intact, so if someone's still up there, there's still a chance they can make it. No crew has been up for a more permanent search, though. The higher-ups still deem it too risky, but I'm hoping we can get some to stay up there for a while, find who they can."

"So all of the people from the Citadel are in West End as well?" Garrus wondered.

"Majority, yeah. Some people have decided to go off on their own, look for family or friends. We can't stop them from walking away. The biggest thing here is to provide what we can while we sort everything out. Once clean-up has made more progress, we plan on getting more of them taken care of: finding their families, trips back to their home worlds, maybe even building homes here. For now, we start small, then work up to the big picture."

The group continued walking through the rain, passing handfuls of people as they went on. Some shoveled in the streets and sidewalks; others helped each other carry large pieces of concrete or metal. Tali noticed a group of teenage humans and younger turians walking from an area, possibly what used to be a shopping complex, with at least three duffel bags each. Though the walls of the area had come down in a twisted gray mess, the kids walked out casually, covered in ash and dirt. A few were even scraped up with trickles of blood going down their cheeks or arms, but most of them smiled. She wondered for a moment if they were going to run off, stealing valuables from the damage, but they trotted over to a woman in Alliance issued armor. Proudly, the teenagers showed her the bags and began talking excitedly.

"What are those kids doing?" she asked curiously.

"They're part of our scavenging team," Coats said with a short laugh. "A lot of the older kids have been getting stir-crazy at the residences, so we offered to let them help find usable supplies: food, parts, clothing … anything that can help us out. They do a damn good job, too. They've been able to reach parts of the city we haven't had access to yet. Even found some more survivors in their outings."

"I am surprised their parents allow them to go out and search," Liara commented. "I would worry they could get hurt."

"Well, unfortunately, a lot of them haven't found their parents … or they know that their parents won't be coming back. The ones with parents got proper permission from them. Rest of them hounded the soldiers for the chance to do something. They've done a lot—"

"Lieutenant!" a voice called to the left of them, where the kids had come out of the shopping complex. "We found two of them!"

Without a word, the female soldier went toward the complex with some of the teenagers following. They dropped behind a collection of rubble and out of their line of sight. Coats watched the group of kids gathering the bags the others dropped, walking them over to a pile that had already started near a beat-up Mako. He nodded approvingly as the group passed them.

"The rescue team goes in if the kids find anything," he explained. "One soldier to every group of kids, or at least two adults that know how to handle a gun. Always in contact, always prepared. It's about an average of five survivors we find a day, but there's still a lot of ground to cover."

"Casualties, too?" Kaidan asked.

"Casualties are a lot more common. If they're still recognizable, we bring them to identifying tents. Once it's announced what race it is, anyone that wants to try to identify the body can come look at them. Sometimes, we can give someone the peace of mind, other times, the body goes unclaimed. A lot of groups went through the effort of creating religious areas in West End. We haven't stopped them, if it gives them some kind of comfort. Every once in a while, there's a shouter who goes after alien races, or claims we 'brought the end upon ourselves,' but their bullshit gets quieted pretty quickly. The people have been learning to police themselves, within reason, anyway. It's been a big help."

"Seems like everyone is actually working together," Garrus said.

"That'd be thanks to your Commander. I'm almost sure of it. We all know how close we came to losing everything. Now it's our turn to make sure we get it all back. It's going to take a lot of work, but those that are willing to have done more than we thought possible."

As if a magical line was drawn between the areas, the group stepped from the damaged streets into the West End district. Of course, the rain had yet to stop, but here, it felt like there was life. The streets were cleaned up, the sounds of tools rang out around them as groups repaired walls of various buildings. Tarps and awnings were propped up around them with groups of people gathered. Surprisingly, there was a lot of laughing and shouting. Kids trotted by, salarians and humans in shiny slickers, turians and krogans in their casual clothing, playing different games and splashing in the puddles. A few adults greeted Major Coats with a wave or a call, which he returned.

"They seem … happy," Javik said hesitantly.

"The conditions could be better," Coats sighed. "Everything could be better, but just being here … means a lot to them. Most of the buildings have been turned into temporary apartments, so it's a lot of close quarter living. Between volunteering time and supplies, we have cots for each person staying here, food for everyone to eat at least twice a day, and medical help for anyone that needs it. We worried we would have to be a lot more controlling, but we've been lucky. Aside from a few altercations, everyone has been cooperative."

"It looks like they created their own town," Tali commented. "It's amazing."

"And every kind of race is around here. Even before the war, Earth had a lot of visitors, so it's been well to have everyone band together to help each other out. We aren't perfect, but we're a lot better off than we were. There's a group of quarians and salarians that actually rewired a few of the buildings to support all of the medical equipment we salvaged, so we have two fully functioning hospitals in West End."

"Wow, that's impressive," Kaidan replied. "And there's nurses and doctors to tend to everyone?"

"The two head doctors are salarian and human, but yeah, there's all kinds helping out. Linds building is where they took Shepard, though not many people know it's her yet. We were a little worried people would get too excited, try to see her before she was ready. Maybe even try to reach her for other reasons."

"Has someone said they wanted to hurt her?" Garrus asked, his voice becoming deadly serious.

"No, not that we've heard. Just taking all the precautions we can; we're not taking any risks, for Shepard's sake. Besides, there's two that come over to the building every day to see her. If anyone tried something, they'd have to deal with them."

As they rounded a corner to walk up to the Linds building, Tali and Liara were swept up in a hug from Urdnot Wrex. Once the group went through their greetings and exchanges, Wrex explained that their asari friend had sent him a message on his omni-tool, informing him that they had landed on Earth. Instead of going over to the docking stations, Wrex thought it would be easier to wait for them near Shepard.

"Well, I think this is where I leave you," Major Coats said, holding his hand out to Kaidan once more. "The doctors know who all of you are, so they should be able to tell you what they know. Once you're done here, feel free to get a hold of me through any of the Alliance soldiers. We could use any help you guys might be able to bring to the table."

"Definitely," Kaidan answered, shaking the major's hand. "Thank you for everything, Major Coats."

The soldier walked away after a brief wave to the rest of the group. All of them then looked to each other, suddenly worried. It had taken them a month to reach Earth, and now, they stood outside of the building that housed their commander. What worried all of them the most was the fact that they had no idea just what had happened to Shepard, how badly she was hurt, or even if she was hurt at all. Each one of them had come to various conclusions at all points in time. Tali went everywhere from a few scratches and bruises, to waiting to hear she had died while being treated. Now, they had no choice but to step forward to see the answer to their questions.

"Be honest," Garrus muttered after a long pause, "is she in bad shape?"

"Her boyfriend's a turian," Grunt answered. "That's about as bad as you can get."

Everyone laughed, temporarily relieved of their tension.

"She's not in fighting shape, I can tell you that," Wrex said with a shrug. "But she could've been a lot worse."

"We've been hearing that phrase a lot today," Tali sighed.

"Besides, Grunt came up with an idea a while back that helped."

"Grunt? What did you do?"

"I think the better question is, 'Who did you find?'" a voice said from the entrance to the building.

The group turned to look at Miranda Lawson as she stood on the steps, her arms crossed over her chest.

* * *

**A/N:** Apologies for the wait on this chapter. I was having trouble with deciding where the best cut-off should be. There's a lot of information coming up soon, so I'm trying to keep it flowing as smoothly as possible. All the same, I hope you enjoyed it!


	23. London (Linds Building)

"_Grunt _contacted you?" Garrus repeated, unable to hide the shock from his voice.

"I could hardly believe it myself," Miranda answered with a smirk. "I received a message on my omni-tool shortly after the war ended."

"She's the one that knows Shepard," the young krogan shrugged. "She brought her back once, she could do it again."

"That was a fantastic idea, Grunt," Liara said with some awe. "Thank you for doing that."

Grunt huffed in response.

Miranda shook her head and continued. "I was working my way to my sister's location when he contacted me. Oriana was all right, so I decided to redirect my course. With all of the records of the Lazarus Project, I've been working with the doctors since I landed."

"So is she all right?" Tali asked, unable to contain it any longer.

"I can explain more in a few minutes." The dark-haired woman nodded toward the entrance of the building. "Now, I think we should all head inside. Standing in the rain has never been one of my favorite activities."

Taking her advice, the group filed into the Linds building with Wrex and Javik taking up the rear. Inside, there was a continuous din of voices, beeping, and the occasional cough. Garrus felt the feeling change in the group almost immediately. One time, when she went to Huerta on the Citadel, Shepard commented that she thought no one felt comfortable in hospitals, not even the doctors and nurses. Though several people were treated and recovered in hospitals, the constant feeling of possible loss hovered to her. No matter what you went in for, there was a chance you would not come back. Of course, Shepard (and most of her crew) was used to the feeling, but seeing so many others feel that nervousness made her uncomfortable. Shepard was the savior type, after all; she would do whatever she could to keep from people feeling that way. But here, in the hospital, the doctors and nurses were the heroes.

Most people walked by in casual clothing, talking among themselves in hushed tones. A few stories above, Garrus could make out the faint sounds of children laughing. Miranda walked up to a makeshift that was placed to the right of the entryway, nodding toward the group that followed her.

"We're here for room 45," she explained. "It's all right. I know all of them."

The dark-skinned woman behind the desk nodded. "Just make sure to talk to Vann beforehand. You know how he gets."

"Believe me, I know. Thank you, Morna."

It was interesting to see what they had done with the warehouse. Miranda briefly explained the set-up: three floors, the main for simple treatment, waiting areas, and simple kitchens to feed those in the building; the second for more regular patients, children's rooms, and an impromptu lab set up for blood storage and testing; the third for surgeries, bulk equipment, and more critical patients for privacy. Accommodations for the patients were simple, mostly consisting of walls built up with haste. The cots were simple, but the equipment was as advanced as they had in the Normandy's med bay. In some place, sheets and blankets were strung up to separate the rooms. For the most part, the building's main concerns were treating their patients. Luxury was not something of importance.

As they began to walk through the building, Garrus noticed a vast majority of the population in the building were human, though a portion of them were other races. Tali nudged him once, pointing out a hanar that was hovering beside a bed of a young girl, an object that Kaidan observed as a teddy bear held in one of its tentacles. It was an unusual sight, seeing a hanar play, but the girl giggled and played along, waving her own stuffed animal at the bear.

"Can you tell us how she is?" Kaidan finally asked as they began to walk up the stairs to the third floor.

"I will," Miranda reassured him. "Major Coats and most of the crew here know she's here, but not everyone. We've decided to put her in a room off to the side, away from the other patients. I'll explain more once we're there."

With that, the others decided to hold off on their questioning. It made sense that they not directly mention Shepard for now. Once up on the third floor, they were intercepted by a salarian man. His skin was an ash gray with dull white scales on his face, his eyes dark with deep violet irises. The expression on his face was stern.

"Miss Lawson, I hope there is a reason you have such a group on the third floor," he said in a deep pitch. "Visitors are restricted."

"They're here for room 45," the woman said, looking toward the open door the salarian came from. "They're exceptions."

"This is the group Coats told us about? I didn't expect it to be so … large." He eyed Grunt and Wrex suspiciously. "One of them almost managed to break the equipment last time."

"Not my fault you have everything so close together," Grunt grumbled, glaring at the salarian.

"They won't cause any problems," Kaidan interrupted, putting a hand out toward the young krogan. "None of us will. We're just here to see her."

The salarian paused for a long moment before nodding. "Fine, but everyone won't fit in the room at once."

"This is Dr. Vann Kirron," Miranda said. "He's overseen most of her treatment, until I came in."

"More like until she _forced _her way in," Kirron huffed as they began walking down a hallway.

By the appearances, Garrus had to guess this area was once the offices and conference rooms of the warehouse. Large windows were in the halls to look into every room, but nearly every one was covered by blinds or more sheets. The surgery areas were marked with various symbols above the doors, and all of those doors were shut. They filed down the hall in twos, turning a couple of corners and stopping at the last room on the right side. Kirron and Miranda turned to them with semi-serious expressions.

"If I'm correct, the nurse is tending to her right now," Kirron said. "She's reducing her sedative. With luck, Shepard will be conscious in a short time."

"Sedative?" Garrus repeated.

"We had to keep her sedated for most of her treatment," Miranda explained with a sigh.

"Yes," Kirron agreed. "Even when the krogan brought her in, her biotics were struggling to defend her. Putting in a sedated state was the only way to take care of her."

"Even when we reduced the dosage, she struggled to wake up. Which is a very good thing, but not when you're in the middle of a surgery or test." Miranda smiled. "It's just like during my last project with her. She kept trying to come to when we were still working."

"So why keep her under?" Kaidan asked.

"She wasn't ready yet. Shepard is alive, but a lot has happened to her. Whether she wanted it or not, her body needed rest. We had no choice but to put enough sedative in her to keep a krogan down."

Wrex and Grunt chuckled proudly while the others smiled.

"I suppose you should know the extent of the damage," Kirron sighed. "It has been about 20 days that we've treated her, and she's made impressive progress. However, I'm certain she will not be the commander you remember."

"Her biotics did a lot of shielding," Miranda cut in, giving Kirron a sharp look. "She could have been much worse, but her body has a lot of natural defense to it."

"Please, just tell us what happened," Liara said with impatience.

"By appearances, she's lost vision in her left eye. There was shrapnel and her left eye socket broke. We can't be certain if the damage is permanent until she can tell us, however. Her armor covered most of her body, but there are burns on about 25% of her body, her left side taking the most damage. We've done some skin grafts to avoid infection, but there is a lot of scarring, the worst area being from her left shoulder up to her ear. Her cybernetics were still operational, which is extremely lucky."

"But she did suffer a collapsed lung, so she was equipped with a chest and breathing tube for some time to treat it," Kirron went on. "Also several small bone fractures, her right leg was broken in three places, we assume from a heavy object falling on it. The leg had to be reset, but it will heal properly. I assume Miss Lawson is avoiding the most damaging news for your sakes, so I will be the bearer of bad news."

He took a breath as the group looked to one another anxiously.

"Shepard's left arm was either pinned or crushed at some point," he said solemnly. "Since it was under pressure, the circulation was cut off from her arm for unknown amount of time. This basically means that the blood in her arm died from the lack of oxygen, and once she was freed, it began to travel through her system. Her blood was poisoned, and the source was her left arm. Transfusions and antibiotics were delivered to clear her bloodstream, but we had to make sure it didn't happen again. To ensure the spread didn't continue, we amputated her arm … just under her elbow. Now, most of the humerus was able to be reset and saved, but the rest of her arm was damaged beyond repair."

"It will take some time," Miranda's voice was quiet, "but I'm going to find the equipment and parts I need to design a proper prosthetic for her. With luck, I can even do something to help with her vision loss. For now, though, I've done everything I can."

"She is officially considered stable," Kirron said. His tone turned serious as he looked to them. "_However, _she'll need more bed rest, fluids, and someone to keep an eye on her to make sure actually stays in bed. We'll be removing her breathing and feeding tubes, but I will not be allowing her to leave this 'hospital' until further notice."

"Hopefully, Laura has already tended to taking the tubes out. It may take her a bit to be able to speak."

"But we can see her?" James wondered. Garrus had almost forgotten the human soldier was with them; he was eerily quiet since they left the Normandy.

"Yes," Kirron answered hesitantly. "But only a few at a time. She's too excitable without even knowing where she is. Seeing all of you could make it worse. Don't force her to speak right away, either."

"Thank you, Dr. Kirron," Kaidan said, offering his hand.

The salarian shook his head, holding his own hand up. "You'll understand if I do not shake your hand. I try to stay as sterile as possible even before I go into the surgery rooms …"

With a quick nod, the salarian man walked around the waiting group, leaving Miranda to stand between them and the door. Catching everyone off-guard, Tali stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the woman. Miranda froze up momentarily, not used to the close contact.

"And thank you," Tali said quietly, giving the woman a squeeze. "For everything you've done."

"Oh, I—" Miranda stopped. She brought her own arms up to hug Tali to her. "You're welcome."


	24. London (Room 45)

Tali and Liara were the first to go into the room to see her. Laura, the quiet human nurse, slipped out of the room and past them, explaining to Miranda that she should be awake soon. The two argued that Garrus should be the first to go in, but the turian shook his head. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he was still having trouble processing everything. The rest of the group talked among themselves, but Garrus remained quiet, staring at the floor under his feet, his arm crossed.

The idea that Shepard, his Shepard, was on the other side of that door was too much for him at the moment.

Ebb and flow of these emotions were foreign to him. Sure, he didn't think he was wired like other turians. His father even grumbled his opinion on that matter more than once over his years. Turian culture was dignified, controlled. He learned for years to press down his base reactions, to calculate instead of fly off the handle. Reign it in, keep in check. Shepard kind of threw all of that out the window.

He watched her back on the field, listened to her talk to so many people, solve so many problems … He laughed with her, strategized, argued about all kinds of things … He held her close to him, thought about her when he was alone in the battery, watched her sleep with strange curiosity he didn't understand, heard her worry about what was to come … He said goodbye to her, more than once, thinking they would never see each other again.

_I'm certain she will not be the commander you remember. _Kirron's words stuck in his mind. Would that be possible? Could she not be the commander he remembered? Hearing her condition, it was obvious physically she would be different, but he wasn't worried about that. Garrus never thought of himself as a turian with a human fetish. Their differences in race made him worry about how they would … "perform," for lack of a classier word, certainly, but he didn't fall for Shepard because she was human.

He fell for Shepard because she was … well, Shepard.

Shepard was this incredibly talented, incredibly intriguing, incredibly _confusing_, woman who made him question what he knew and stood for. Never in a bad way, though. She challenged him, made him want to become someone, not just some C-Sec grunt who kept their nose down in paperwork. This woman made him want to stand for something, _really_ stand for something, not just grumble about it under his breath. Having her as a leader was a privilege; having her as a lover made him the luckiest being alive.

Then he realized. He was nervous that she wouldn't be her. What if something happened when she was up on the Crucible? Garrus liked to think he was there to help her at a moment's notice, but now … he felt helpless. The events of the Crucible were completely unknown to him, and there was probably nothing that he could say or do that would make it better for her. He was still trying to understand this whole "supportive boyfriend" role he put himself in. Put himself in, because Shepard never needed someone to hold her hand. Hell, she probably saved him more times than he saved her.

But now, if she needed him to be there, would he be ready to fill that role? What could he say, what could he do, for her? For days, he anxiously paced her cabin, the crew decks, the main battery, thinking about how it would feel to be with her again. Now, he was worried he wouldn't be what she needed anymore. Uncertainty was something he was never comfortable with.

"She's awake!" Liara's gentle voice exclaimed in excitement from the door.

The turian snapped out of his thoughts to look over at her. Her smile was wide, though fresh tears had left a trail down her cheeks. Imagine all of the emotional reunions Shepard would have to go through … Liara's eyes stopped on him as he leaned against the wall, a good distance from the door.

"Garrus, I believe you should see her next."

With a nod, he straightened up from the wall to approach the door. Liara touched his arm before turning to lead him inside. The room was smaller than he anticipated. With the cot, machinery, and the three standing bodies, there was hardly any space to walk around. Tali's back was to him, leaned over the cot and blocking his view of her. She was talking rapidly, laughing out of sheer happiness. Liara cleared her throat.

"Garrus is here, Tali," she said. "I believe we should give them some time."

"Oh, of course!" Tali answered as she straightened up.

Liara came to stand beside her, reaching down to touch Shepard. "We will be back in sometime soon, Shepard, as will the rest of the crew."

"We're so happy you're okay," Tali commented, her voice giving away the wide smile she had on her face.

A dry, strangled laugh came from the cot. "Could be better," she said with effort.

"But you're here. That will always be the best news."

"Do not strain yourself," Liara emphasized. "Dr. Kirron will not allow us back, otherwise."

"'Course not," Shepard answered, her voice strained. "Thank you."

"No, thank _you_," Tali replied, patting her one last time before turning to face Garrus.

The turian was having trouble looking over at the cot. Quietly, the quarian squeezed his arm before she and Liara left him alone in the room. Slight shifting finally made him look up at the cot. There sat Commander Shepard, the savior of the galaxy. She seemed small in the cot, nestled into the blankets and multiple pillows. The foot of her right leg poked out from the blanket, revealing the beginnings of a basic plaster cast around her ankle. Her arms were out above the blankets, her right cradling her heavily bandaged left. The skin of her right arm was pale red, fresh with a few new scars and healing cuts, but there were no bandages.

Admittedly, it was unusual to see her left arm. Slightly under the bend of her elbow, her forearm and hand were gone, now replaced by a thick collection of gauze and bandaging. She looked down at it when Garrus did, then moved her right hand to cover the bandages. He looked up at her then, seeing her face. More bandages covered her left side, starting at the other side of her nose, stretching down her cheek and neck, disappearing down into the collar of the simple gown she wore. Her left eye and the forehead above it were bandaged thoroughly as well, causing the hair that usually rested on her forehead to stick out slightly.

Garrus felt himself relax as soon as her focused on her full lips, seeing them up-turned in the most genuine smile he had ever seen. In less than a second, all of his uncertainties evaporated. That smile meant she needed him as he would always need her. _No Shepard without Vakarian_. Now, there never would be.

Her right eye glistened with unshed tears as they stared at each other. Something he saw fewer times than he could count on his hand, but he never thought she was more beautiful than right now. Of course, she would never let him say that. But he hoped she knew it all the same.

"Hey," she whispered, her voice still dry and hoarse.

"'Hey?'" the turian had to laugh as he approached her. "Is that typical protocol for reunions like this?"

The woman wheezed a laugh. "Not sure, actually."

"Well, I'll go with it. Hey." He pressed his mouth plates gently against the forehead above her right eye.

Shepard reached up and brushed her fingers against his mandible before the energy seemed to drain from her. Garrus caught her hand as she went to place it back on her chest, tracing his gloved fingers over her wrist. The two were quiet as he pressed his forehead against her right temple. For what felt like minutes, they just listened to each other's breathing. Garrus closed his eyes, inhaling her scent. It reminded him of the seawater, an edge of salt, yet fresh and just a little intoxicating citrus. Again, something he would never say to her, but it was one part of her he would never forget, no matter hard he would have tried.

A small chuckle came from her as he opened his eyes. Shepard was looking down at her arms. Garrus had continued to unconsciously trace patterns along the top of her right hand and wrist. He kissed her lips then, avoiding putting too much pressure against her. Despite his gentleness, she hissed in slight pain, so he pulled away immediately.

"No," Shepard groaned, reaching for his face with her hand again.

She pulled him toward her with little force (he suspected because her body was still recovering), but Garrus didn't fight her. Her lips pressed against his mouth plates for a long moment, her tongue brushing against them before a shuddered breath made her stop. The turian allowed her to pull away despite his own reluctance. Shepard's thumb brushed the plates under his visor as the first gasps of emotion overtook her. Her eye focused on his as the tears finally started.

"I thought—" her voice caught. "I was so sure—"

"I love you," he blurted, surprised at how easily the words slipped out. He was so nervous about those words before, like somehow they didn't belong in his mouth. Now, he was sure he would mean them for the rest of his existence.

Another huff of a laugh came from Shepard as she looked down at her left arm, lifting it slightly from her side. "Even now?"

"Sorry, Shepard. I'm not going anywhere."

More tears came down her cheek as he ran his fingers gently up her right arm.

"Damn you," she sniffed. "My throat hurts and my left eye burns like hell right now."

Catching her hand as it slipped away once more, he tilted his head down to kiss her again. He was fairly certain Kirron and Miranda would kill him for causing so much excitement the first few minutes she was conscious, but Garrus couldn't help himself. A part of him still didn't believe she was here; for so many days, he thought he would have to etch her face, her voice, her scent into his mind, because that was all he had left.

How her skin felt against his body, the soft inhale of breath and shiver she had when his talons gently drug across that skin, leaving a trail of what Shepard called goose bumps. The way her body and mind finally gave into him, allowing her to vulnerable, with a quiet whisper of his name. Feeling their bodies react instinctually to each other (awkwardly at first, but it became second nature), seeing that look on her face as she was pitched over the edge, her hands gripping him wherever they could reach … knowing that smile of pure happiness was directed at him.

All of it was something he would never forget. Now, it was true Shepard had changed physically. He would never try to deny that she would look different, but she was _here_, in his arms, crying softly as he kissed her undamaged skin. And he would be damned how much of her changed, she was his, and he hers.

"I'm wiggling my fingers," she said softly, looking at her arm.

Shepard held up her left arm, focusing on the bandaging with a strange look. She laughed and lifted it slightly again.

"Now I'm bending my wrist … it even hurts a little bit, but I know I'm moving it. This is going to be so weird."

"Don't worry," Garrus answered, touching the upper part of her left arm. "Miranda said she's going to try to design a prosthetic for you. We can have a shooting rematch to test it out."

"Good thing I use my right eye for my scopes. That will take some getting used to, too."

"You're Commander Shepard. I think you've proven to everyone that you can do whatever the hell you want." He wiped more tears from her cheek. "For now, though, you should relax. It's not warm and tropical like we wanted, but it's a start. Think of it as a vacation."

"To be honest, Garrus, I didn't think vacation meant everything hurts."

The turian had to grin. "Well, give it a few more weeks, and I'm sure I can think of a few ways to make you feel better."

Shepard laughed as he leaned down to kiss her once more. "I'll hold you to that, Vakarian."

* * *

**A/N: **And there is my first official Shakarian fluff. Hopefully it is to everyone's liking! I tend to write a little more seriously than I intend on a regular basis, so I'm not sure if I can actually write fluffy moments. Gave it my best shot. Also, I was really excited about this chapter, so you get two chapters in one day! Plus side of having vacation time from work, I can edit and write much more than I usually do. Anyway, I hope everyone has been enjoying _Aftermath _so far, and don't worry, there's still more to come.


	25. London (West End)

Leaning against the simple brick structure across the street from the Linds building, James Vega focused on the ground at his feet. The lip of the building kept the rain from falling on him directly, but the drops were steady, gathering in a make-shift stream about a foot from where he stood. Dirt and ash collected in the water, swirling in their own versions of the clouds above his head. The soldier had to laugh at himself for a second. He was usually never so philosophical. That wasn't his thing.

His hair had grown during their travel back to Earth. The extra lengths of hair on his head, the tools to create his favorite hairstyle, felt heavy with water. Most of his hair was still short, causing stray droplets of water to run down his neck and face. It was definitely colder than he was used to, but he'd dealt with worse before. Smoke from the cigarette in his right hand drifted up to meet his nostrils, mixing with the damp smell of West End. Thankfully, he didn't have to wander too far to find a human with a pack of them. Even better, he was willing to share.

Collecting rainwater in his left hand was his task when he noticed Kaidan walking out of the Linds building. James was kind of surprised the major slipped out on his own, especially since he was one of the several who were so excited to see Shepard. Maybe he just stepped out to get some air … Or maybe he was looking for specifically for James, because he started heading his direction as soon as he saw the man. Damn it.

"Hey, Slick."

Kaidan scoffed and shook his head at the nickname, but he smiled nonetheless. "Slick" was the name the two of them managed to agree on during one of their poker nights. James was still a fan of "Elvis," but the major threatened to let Javik throw him out of the airlock if he heard that one on a regular basis. Hell, Buggy would throw him out of the airlock without much coaxing. It seemed like his favorite threat. Kaidan came to lean against the wall beside him, watching him put the cigarette to his lips.

"I thought you quit," he said with a slightly judgmental tone.

James shrugged as he exhaled. "I did. Haven't had one since I joined up."

"So why break the streak?"

The man shrugged again. "Don't know. Just … got too heavy, you know? I had to leave for a little bit."

Kaidan nodded. "I know what you mean. She's in pretty rough shape."

"By the sound of it. I would go see her, I mean I _want_ to see her, make sure she's okay, but it's hard to imagine Lola different than how I remember her. Know what I mean?"

"I think so. But she's still Shepard. She might be down for the count for a while, and too damn stubborn to admit it, but she's still here."

"Kind of like everything around here, when you think about it." He wanted to look up at the sky, but instead focused on the outcropping of the building. "It's impressive they got some kind of system together, but who knows how long it will take to make anything _normal_ again?"

"You can say that about anywhere. There's not a thing the Reapers didn't touch."

"Can say that again." James paused, taking another drag of the cigarette. "Part of me thinks it could've gone different if I stayed."

"Stayed?"

"Here. Well, not here, specifically, I guess, but on Earth. When the Reapers first attacked, maybe even stayed here in London before the Crucible fired … if I stayed, maybe I could've done something different."

Kaidan sighed and shook his head. "Believe me, Vega, don't do that to yourself. Otherwise, you question everything you've ever done. I wonder if I went to Vancouver, if I could have kept my dad from going back out to fight. Or if I knew where my biotics crew was, I could have gone to help them. Everything could be different, or nothing could change at all. What happened already happened; wishing we could go back and change things won't help. Even if I'm not the best example, I try to remember that."

"Yeah, I know. Still … just makes me think."

The major put on a hand on James's shoulder. "Look at it this way. Now that we're here, we have a chance to help put everything back together. That's something."

"I'd like to talk to Coats, see what they need help with. Shooting stuff has always been my thing, though."

Kaidan laughed. "Well, I'm sure they'll have something you can help with. Coats is over by the docking station, so you can go see him whenever you want."

James nodded. Looking up to the sky again, he noticed the rain had begun to ease up. Kaidan was right; there was nothing he could do about the past. He would never completely understand why he survived when so many died yet again. For whatever reason, he was still here. But maybe now that he was here, he could keep going to help the future. Maybe that would help everything make sense.

* * *

"Hello, Shepard," Miranda Lawson said in her smooth voice as she came in.

Shepard was having a hard time believing this was real. Tali's voice, Liara's smile, Kaidan's laugh, Javik's general scowl, Wrex and Grunt's surprisingly gentle head-butts, Garrus's touch … all of it felt so real, but she knew better than to immediately accept it all as truth. Maybe she was imagining all of it, still floating in that strange afterlife. Or maybe this is what she was to experience after the forest. Instead of the shadows, she would now see every person she failed to save one by one. At least they were happy …

Miranda gave her a weak smile as she stopped to stand beside the commander's cot. So it had been Miranda she heard. Shepard hoped once again that this was real and not just a trick her subconscious was playing on her. Her fellow biotic standing beside her meant that there was a strong chance she was indeed alive. After all, Miranda brought her back once. Had she done it again?

"How are you feeling?" Miranda asked.

"Extremely tired," Shepard answered honestly. "Stiff. Everything hurts."

"I think we let you wake up too soon. Perhaps I should sedate you for a few more days, just to make sure you've had time to recover. You're a damn stubborn patient, though."

Laughing hurt her throat, but Shepard couldn't help it. "Hey, I have a reputation to uphold."

Miranda grinned. "Indeed you do. The others have gone back to the Normandy to let you rest. But if you're up to it, Commander, I have some questions for you."

"I'm not going anywhere at this rate, Miranda. Whatever you need."

"We'll start simple, then. Do you know where you are?"

Shepard rolled her eye. "It's like the shuttle all over again … Tali said we were in London, in a building that's supposed to be a hospital. According to a salarian that has apparently been my doctor, I've been out for 20 days."

"That's true. And you remember all of your squad members?"

"Yes, and you. There are some who I haven't seen yet that I can list if you'd like."

"Go ahead."

"Jacob Taylor, James Vega, Jack, Samara, Kasumi Goto, and Zaeed Massani are the squad members I haven't seen. Crew members are Jeff Moreau, Samantha Traynor, Steve Cortez, Dr. Karin Chakwas, Greg Adams, Kenneth Donnelly—"

Miranda sighed and shook her head. "Obviously you remember your crew."

Shepard had to smile, despite the tightness of her facial skin. "You asked."

"I just had to make sure. Can you tell me what happened before the Crucible fired? What brought you to the Citadel?"

"Liara and Garrus were with me while we went through the city to get to the Conduit. We had to get to the Conduit in order to set off the Crucible … We almost made it, then Harbinger showed up and attacked us. Liara and Garrus were hurt, so Joker dropped in to get them. After that, almost everyone died, but I somehow made it to the Conduit. The Citadel—" Shepard broke off, feeling her throat constrict. "There were so many bodies. A Keeper was trying to move one of them, I think. Admiral Anderson made it through the Conduit, too, and we were going to launch the Crucible, but the Illusive Man stopped us."

Miranda's eyes widened. "The Illusive Man? He was there?"

"Yes, he was indoctrinated. The Reapers were using him to stop us from destroying them. He—he made me shoot Anderson. But he managed to see what he was doing at the end, what the Reapers were convincing him to do. He shot himself, just like Saren … I remember activating the console to open the arms of the Citadel, so the Crucible could dock. I was talking to Anderson before he—then Hackett was on my communications, telling me the Crucible wasn't firing. I went to go back to the console …"

"What happened?"

Shepard stopped, closing her eyes. She was quiet for a long moment as she remembered practically dragging herself to the console. But she couldn't make it. She dropped onto her stomach before she could reach the panel … What happened at that? A voice, pain, talking with … someone, then … what?

She shook her head, or at least attempted to before the pain in her neck made cut the motion short. "I don't—I can't remember. There's … something, but it's just a blur. I remember hearing you."

"You heard me?"

"You said I would wake up when I was ready …"

"Oh!" Miranda exclaimed. "You were coming out of your sedated state. That happened just a few days after I arrived here."

"Between that and going back to the console … I don't know. I can't remember what happened."

The woman placed a hand on her right arm. "It's all right, Commander. We'll try to recount it later. I think I've heard enough for now. Think you can rest?"

Shepard sighed. "Maybe. There's still a lot of pain. What happened to me?"

"I'll explain everything later, I promise. For now, I'll get you another dosage to help with the pain. It should help you sleep as well."

"All right. Thank you."

"Of course."

The commander was quiet as Miranda walked across the room. She returned quickly with a syringe, putting the needle in one of the several tubes stretching down Shepard's right arm. She watched as the plunger sent the liquid into the tube, soon to be into her veins. Just the thought of it seemed to ease some pain to a dull throb. Miranda straightened up and stepped away.

"Miranda?" Shepard said sluggishly as her tongue struggled to work.

"Yes?"

"I'm glad … you're here."

She caught the smile on the dark-haired woman's face before her eye closed. "Me, too, Commander."

As the sounds of the room faded away, Shepard felt the darkness slowly close around her consciousness. Before she finally slipped beneath it, she wondered once more what happened on the Citadel. It was so clear before she went back to the forest … why couldn't she remember?


	26. London (Four Months Later)

For the next four months, Shepard was fairly certain she was going to go insane. Kirron was insistent that she stayed in the Linds building to be treated, which already made her restless. Being confined to one place always made her uneasy. To be confined to a single cot for so long was driving her to madness.

Reluctantly, she understood why. She was put through six more surgeries for skin grafts and resetting various bones in her body. The decision was made to repair the most severe breaks first, then come back to reset the smaller fractures later. A decision she didn't have the chance to argue, unfortunately, but Miranda reassured her it was for the best. The various casts and bandages changed position every time she woke up, except for the damn bulky one on her right leg.

Thankfully, though, most of the crew visited her or messaged her on her omni-tool on a regular basis. Joker, Traynor, Kaidan, Javik, and the operating crew stayed with the Normandy, assisting with supply and refugee runs around the world, the moon, and the Citadel. According to Kaidan, the Keepers had already begun repairs on parts of the Presidium. They even took food and water to the pockets of survivors that they found. Survivors managed to band together and make their way through the Citadel to safety, so they were brought back with shuttles and the Normandy itself. Now, Admiral Hackett had asked them to begin expanding their trips through the Sol system, reaching the bases on Mars to see if they could offer any assistance.

Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy came to Shepard with official news. There was a collection of quarian engineers and asari scientists who agreed to band together and travel to the mass relay on the other side of Pluto. With their talents and research, they were hoping to begin the appropriate repairs on the relay. How long it would take was unknown for now, but they had to start somewhere. Other quarians reported to one another about using their ships from the Flotilla to sustain living near the relays all over the galaxy. Two cruisers, one for the asari and one for the quarian, launched from Earth about two months after Shepard woke up. And they asked for Tali to be part of the expedition, especially since she held such a high position in quarian culture. Saying goodbye to Tali was extremely difficult, but she sent Shepard a message nearly every day, updating her about progress and interesting engineering secrets she and the others discovered about the relays. With luck, they could link some of the relays together to create a small traffic line for ships to get survivors back to their home planets.

Urdnot Wrex and Grunt came to say goodbye about a week later. Most of the krogan ships were in working order again, so about half of the soldiers would be boarding for the long trip back to Tuchanka. Wrex promised to keep in contact while they traveled, and Grunt promised to name his first-born after her. After all, the saviors of the galaxy had to have nearly every female asking for their attention, and with the genophage cured, the krogan people had a lot of catching up to do. Both of the krogan made her promise to come to their planet when she was well to throw a krogan party in her honor. Plus, Bakara would want to see her soon.

James finally came to see Shepard a couple of weeks after the rest of the squad did. He apologized multiple times, but she was just happy to see him. Besides, Shepard had a feeling James wouldn't do well in visiting any form of hospitals. Like herself, he struggled with understanding why he was still alive and functioning while so many others couldn't be. Admittedly, she still didn't have answers for either of them, but he would be the first to tell if she ever figured it out. The soldier told her about joining up with the Alliance ground forces that would be branching out to contact other parts of Earth for survivors and reconstruction. Several distress calls were still being sent out, so they would follow them as they needed. It was going to be an extremely long process, especially with any hope to bring order back, but James seemed hopeful about the whole approach. Shepard sensed, for possibly the first time since they met, contentment in the soldier. He was happy to go out and actually _do_ something for people. Being part of the crew that helped bring the galaxy together was "awesome," but he was ready to get his hands dirty.

Liara gave up her office on the Normandy to allow more room for possible passengers. She found a small, but intact, house on the fringe of West End, the basement her choice of location to continue the Shadow Broker's business. Shepard thought it strange for the asari to work out of a basement in London, but she had to remember her friend was used to working in ancient burial sites. A basement was hardly the worst place she worked in. More impressive was the fact that she offered the rest of the house for a few stranded people to stay with her. Counting Liara, nine people stayed in the house: one asari and her turian bondmate, their two children, two salarian friends, and a human couple. She admitted to not being a particular fan of the noise, but knowing she was helping someone made the inconvenience hardly noticeable. Her free time was spent out and about in West End, talking with several of the people in the emergency residences, even helping with cleaning up and rebuilding. The asari excitedly showed Shepard the schematics of a new energy plant she and some other scientists were in the process of developing. Once they finished, the plant would provide regular electricity and extranet connections throughout all of London again, giving a chance to create more housing and maybe even re-open businesses. Shepard had a feeling the Shadow Broker would pool its resources to help the project quickly.

Garrus decided not to stay with Liara. Not that their asari friend didn't offer, but the turian felt like there were several other people who deserved the room more. Instead, he stayed in the emergency residences with some of the turian soldiers that were under his command before the attack. They tried to keep formalities with him, but Garrus refused. Since the war was over, he considered all of them on the same level once again. He slept in a simple cot, worked, and ate with them. But no matter what, he came to visit Shepard every day, covered in dust, ash, dirt, and anything else he got into, much to Kirron's dismay. They were working on clearing more streets nearby, even helping to rebuild buildings and houses to expand the living conditions. Primarch Victus was in regular contact with him, and they coordinated to help stranded turian ships get to refuge locations. According to Liara, the turian was offered to leave Earth and return to Palaven to help with the reconstruction of his home world multiple times, but he always refused.

Shepard was slightly upset by this news. If she knew any true turian trait in her boyfriend, it was his love of his home world. Palaven was his home, where he grew up and his family came from. She would never forgive herself if her condition kept him from his priorities. One day, she couldn't keep her opinion to herself any longer. The two of them were walking the hallways of the third floor, a regular routine to keep Shepard's legs muscles working. A thick cast around her right leg made it difficult, but a crutch on her right side (and her turian on her left) made it a bit easier. Garrus just shook his head when she brought it up, saying that he knew where he belonged for now.

"I'm being taken care of," Shepard argued. "You should go back to Palaven. Victus probably has one of the highest positions in the government open for you."

"Probably considered the second highest in your government," Garrus shrugged.

"Why would you turn that down?"

"I'm not a fan of politics, you know that."

She stopped walking and pushed him slightly with her shoulder. "And I also know when you aren't telling me the truth."

Garrus shook his head again before putting his arm around her waist. "I never admit to my weaknesses very well, Shepard."

The statement hurt when she realized. "I'm one of your weaknesses."

"What? No, of course not!" He shook his head again. "And I never use words very well, either. I _do_ have weaknesses, but don't ever think it's you. What I meant is I've lost you three times. If you want to go to Palaven and help with the turian government, then I'm sure Victus will welcome you with open arms. I'll probably sign up with you. But I'm not leaving this planet until you do. And if you never do, then Earth will be my new home. Doesn't matter what you say, I'm not going to lose you again."

Shepard smiled, feeling a flutter of emotion in her stomach as she hugged him. The two of them were never great at sharing their feelings for each other. It was yet another thing they had in common, but hearing him talk so candidly about wanting to stay with her made her nervous. In a beyond-words happy sort of way. She had to tug at him slightly to have him bend to kiss her. Garrus didn't argue the gesture, pressing his forehead against hers gently.

"Was it really three times?" she asked with a slight smile.

"Yes, three times." He held up his fingers as he recounted them. "The first Normandy, the Alliance taking you in after we stopped the Collectors, and you running off to play hero on the Crucible."

"Poor thing. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Well, my other weakness is women handling big guns, so I suppose it can be forgiven since I got to watch you play hero."

She laughed as he went to kiss her again. A pointed throat-clearing sound made them separate to see Kirron standing outside of one of the doors. The salarian had a stern expression as he crossed his arms. Being chastised for "over-stimulating too soon" didn't stop the two of them from giggling a little bit.

One unfortunate bit of news was that she was now officially blind in her left eye. Some surgeons tried to correct the damage, but to no avail. Now, her left eye was a cloudy pale gray in her iris, but it moved in time with her right eye. Apparently, the eye was still functioning normally, other than the not being able to see part. They offered surgeries to put false eyes in its place to make it look more natural, even link a mechanical one to her cybernetics. It would function similar to how Garrus's visor worked, it would just be in her actual skull. That idea unnerved her slightly with visions of bright red beams emitting from her left eye socket. After some debates, Shepard settled on leaving the eye as it was.

The final bandages were removed to reveal a decent burn scar running from under her left ear and stretching down over her clavicle and shoulder of her left side. The skin grafts helped the scars to not look so severe, but they would still be apparent. Miranda suspected the machinery in the Normandy's med bay would remove them. As Garrus ran a finger gently along her neck and joked that they now had a matching set of scars, though, Shepard decided it wouldn't be too difficult to live with.

It was three months and a week after she woke up in the Linds building that the cast of her right leg was finally cut away. Laura, her nurse, helped to bend her leg tentatively for a minute, helping her get the feel of her muscles again. Garrus helped her stand from the bed, keeping a grip on her right arm as she tested her weight. The muscles were still horribly weak from being in the cast for so long, but Laura assured her with some physical therapy that she would be walking normally soon.

Another month of physical therapy for the leg made her continue to stay at the Linds building. She read datapads, books that Liara found, messages from her friends, extranet posts from various places in the galaxy … she was pretty sure she had read damn near everything when Miranda came with a surprise one day.

She carried a metal case, placing it on the edge of Shepard's cot. The weight of the case was apparent as it settled into the mattress. Shepard straightened up to look at the case, noting Miranda's smile.

"I think we're finally ready to get started," she said as she opened the case with a flourish, revealing a collection of wires, metal, and some equipment. "So, Commander Shepard, are you ready to have both hands again?"


	27. London (Sol System)

Miranda Lawson had lost count of how many times she considered Shepard the luckiest human in existence. She was never one to believe that luck shaped someone's life, but she started believing otherwise after meeting the commander. There were so many situations she ran into that would have guaranteed death to any lesser being. Shouldering her way into Tuchanka to help a young krogan go through his rite of passage, and being declared his battlemaster despite no other alien taking part in the ritual was one of Miranda's favorite stories. Everything the ex-Cerberus officer knew came from understanding, study, and analysis … Shepard came from blind determination and an air of recklessness. Admittedly, she would never fully understand how the commander accomplished all she had, or how she obtained so many people to be close to her. But Miranda was beginning to see that part. Oriana was her sister and her friend, and Tali surprised her with regular contact, not just about Shepard, but about life in general. That was curious, because she was certain the quarian woman hated her. She took the offered steps toward friendship with reluctant hopefulness. Maybe now that she didn't have to run anymore, she could focus on living a "normal" life.

Now, for the benefit of Shepard, Miranda was able to show off her understanding of the world. She made a mental note to use a joke about picking up Shepard's pieces at some point. The commander had to be put under for the initial process, much to her dismay. Explaining that she would have to cut into the length of her arm changed Shepard's protests rather quickly, though. Reaching her cybernetics would be a complicated process for a while, especially since she would have to, essentially, re-wire them to accept the prosthetic.

In one of the surgery rooms, Laura and Kirron began to assist her. Miranda had to be impressed with the young nurse's knowledge of Shepard's physical condition, even before she arrived to offer assistance. Laura confessed to researching cybernetics in her free time, hoping to eventually take part in genetic engineering. If she ever had to do something similar to her last project with Shepard again, Miranda noted to get a hold of the young woman.

Adapting the artificial arm onto Shepard's existing form wasn't impossible. It wasn't a completely foreign operation, since artificial limbs had been commonplace with modern technology. Several beings had false limbs to help them after accidents, genetic mutations, birth defects … even some that had enough money to improve their bodies the way they wanted. Cybernetics were used in almost every instance as well, but Miranda suspected that none of the previous patients had the extent of cybernetics that Shepard did.

In the coldest terms, Shepard's body was the shell, and the operations of the Lazarus Project were her innards. After all, she had died. The commander was quite literally _built_ during the project, using her existing organs and body and interlacing them with cybernetics. Every system inside the woman was assisted with cybernetics, and Miranda was hoping to use this to her advantage. Commonly, when using cybernetics, people receiving artificial limbs were able to move them at will, functioning as the original limb would have. Some could walk on a false leg without any appearance of struggle; others could move their shoulders, elbows, and wrists in their arms.

Movement of the fingers or toes were by far the most difficult to succeed in. Patients with artificial hands and fingers commented on having to concentrate much harder on moving their fingers than any other part of their body. The use of hand-eye coordination and instinctual motor skills made using your hands part of nature, so forcing one's brain to relearn the activity was challenging. Miranda had a feeling Shepard would be too stubborn to let the difficulty stop her, however.

Truthfully, Miranda hoped to use the commander's cybernetics to her advantage. Movement and basic usage of artificial limbs were possible for any recipient, but all patients lost feeling in those limbs. They were, of course, artificial, so they could appear normal, but they would never _feel_ normal to the patient. If the limb was damaged, the patient wouldn't be able to notice, because there were no nerves in the limb to warn the patient. Basically, Miranda wanted to make sure Shepard could feel her arm.

_Feeling_ when it was hit, or pinned, even possibly connecting her feelings of pain was her goal. Most would believe having a limb with no sensation would be interesting, maybe even fun, but, if Shepard ever hoped to return to her duties as a Spectre, she would need to feel the limb again. Handling weaponry, even operating a terminal, would have to come as second nature.

Miranda had argued with herself about this idea for a long period of time in the four months after finding Shepard. It was true the commander earned a break after doing so much for the galaxy … but the feeling that this soldier was meant for more than happy retirement on an island in her honor made her hesitate. For his own reasons, The Illusive Man believed Commander Shepard had to be completely functional, and Miranda accomplished the task. To leave Shepard only partial intact, only fixing the problem at face value, was not her style.

As much as she hoped the commander's job was finally finished, she couldn't be sure of it.

* * *

"Admiral Tali'Zorah," a voice came over the communications of the ship.

Tali had forgotten how loud quarian ships could be. Amazingly she was beginning to miss the Normandy and its quiet engines. She stopped typing out the message on her omni-tool, wishing Shepard luck since the woman was about to receive a new arm. Curious, she answered the XO's call.

"There is a communications from Admiral Zaal'Koris."

Ah, Koris. He was coordinating the quarian fleet at the mass relay in the Tikkun system. Part of her felt jealous toward the group that was stationed there. They were just a few days' travel away from the home world, Rannoch. It was true, she had yet to make a home there, but she hoped to soon. Unconsciously, she ran her finger over the stone Shepard offered to her after landing on the planet. She kept it in a pocket of her enviro-suit to admire in peace every once in a while.

Rannoch was not perfect, though. The geth had been wiped out, very similar to what happened to EDI after the Crucible launched. This meant that the quarian people were left to their own devices in understanding their home world. Miraculously, the geths' consciousness that linked with quarian suits were still intact after the beam of the Crucible traveled through the galaxy. No one had complete understanding for why this happened, including the geth, but those left alive continued to coordinate with the quarians to better Rannoch.

Koris was the one of the first to volunteer sharing his suit with the consciousness of a geth, naming his companion Qwib-Qwib, in honor of his own ship that was lost during the Reaper War. The geth did not understand the necessity of a name, but accepted Qwib-Qwib as his title. The quarian admiral put together a group of engineers and researchers to attend to the relay, keeping in regular contact with Tali all the while.

Upon accepting the communication, Tali stood up from her bed and headed to the simple video console in the corner of her "office," which was about the third the size of Shepard's cabin on the Normandy. All the same, she appreciated having her own area. Pressing the communications button, the holographic image of Admiral Zaal'Koris came into view.

"Hello, Tali," Koris nodded.

"Greetings, Creator'Zorah," a mechanical geth voice, slightly deeper than Legion's, said.

"Koris, Qwib-Qwib," Tali answered. "How are things in Tikkun?"

"Actually, we've come across some interesting developments," Koris explained. "The geth that are linked with the engineers have been attempting to sync with some the relay's operations."

"What do you mean?"

"If they managed to coordinate with it, basically, the geth could have control of the relay. This will help us have better understanding of the relay itself."

"Hmm, that's an idea." Tali crossed her arms and leaned back slightly, not sure if she was comfortable with the thought of the geth controlling one of the most complex technologies in their known universe. It wasn't that she didn't want to trust the geth. Legion had helped to show her that they were not seeking to destroy the quarians or any other life, they just wanted to be accepted as beings themselves. Though she had grown up since her first encounters with them, the long-inserted distrust didn't go away overnight. "How has it been going?"

"Much better than expected, actually," Koris said. Tali could note the smile in the older quarian's voice.

"All connections have proven successful," Qwib-Qwib's voice explained. "With assistance from the creators, geth have managed to infiltrate the relay interface, indicating that the creators can, indeed, find them operational."

Tali shook her head. "So the geth managed to show you how the relay works?"

"Even better than that," Koris answered. "Tali, it's operational. As we speak, the mass relay is turning before us."

* * *

**A/N: **Apologies for any upcoming delays in chapter posting. In all honesty, I've just bought _Grand Theft Auto V_, and it's already proven to be a big distraction for me. Don't worry, though, _Aftermath_ is still on-going!


	28. London (Garrus)

"Doing all right, Vakarian?" a deep voice asked from the chair opposite him.

It took Garrus a moment to realize he was staring at his plate. On a normal day, he would have eaten the entirety of his meal before the rest of the group even finished. Turians were known for their fast metabolisms, so it wasn't uncommon for them to eat large portions (if and when the portions were available). Garrus, however, had barely eaten anything in front of him. Xarius, the source of the voice, was the youngest among the turian crew he ran with, but by far the most observant. He tapped a gloved talon against Garrus's plate.

"I don't think you took a bit the whole time we've been sitting here."

Garrus merely shrugged, not really in the mood to talk. He allowed his friends to continue their conversation as his eyes wandered the dining hall. Since West End consisted mostly of emergency housing, it was rare for anyone to have private areas. Kitchens and bathrooms were communal, where anyone who volunteered helped to serve and maintain the areas. A small, pooch-stomached man who went simply by "Skip" ran the main kitchen where the recovery/rebuilding crew went to eat. Surprisingly, Skip knew a good amount about dextro-foods, so the turians and quarians in the area where happy to eat more than bland rations every day. There was a fair number of the races around, however, so they usually met one meal a day with different varieties cooked in the ways of their home worlds.

The main kitchen was part of what was left of a college campus area, according to the local humans. Clearing debris and rebuilding the dormitories were first priority, so people had additional rooms to stay in, but the dining hall was cleared out and reorganized as soon as they were able. Skip, who was apparently a legend as a mass sergeant on the military base, took charge of the area to make sure everyone was well-fed.

Recovery crews rolled through the dining halls and living areas all hours of the day, covered in any and all kinds of dirt, ash, and muck. Several of the crews had been working together since the end of the Reaper War, so they began to look to each other as close friends and even family. Moods factored greatly on how their days went by out and around the city. Their work granted them the chance to begin branching out of London and into the surrounding areas. Some days, they came bearing salvage or even groups of survivors who had been traveling nearby. These days were loud, chatty with jokes and laughter, the occasional booming krogan laugh practically shaking the floor. Other days, they found nothing but despair, reminding all of them again how many they had really lost. Murmurs were common on those days, everyone lost in their own thoughts, wondering if the remains they found could have belonged to the people they still had yet to find.

"How's that woman of yours?" Xarius asked, drawing Garrus back to the present.

"Another surgery today," he answered with another shrug.

"Pretty big one?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much. She's made it through worse."

Garrus huffed a laugh. "Yeah."

Before the launching of the Crucible, it was common news for everyone that Garrus had a relationship with Commander Shepard. Most of the forces fighting with them heard gossip in some form or another, even ridiculous stories that people concocted about them at one point or another. The turians that worked among Garrus with the Reaper Task Force didn't ask questions about their "superior officer" being involved with a human, but they had their own stories floating around. Garrus's particular favorite was the theory that he and Shepard somehow had a child together. Shepard had laughed at the idea, so it became a running joke about their turian-human love child.

Once they returned to Earth to see Shepard, he knew he wouldn't be able to be completely silent about the commander being at the make-shift hospital. After all, he went there every day, even when Kirron made a scene about it. The recovery crew that he worked with noticed his continued visits, so it was natural they were curious about it. Some even wondered if something was medically wrong with Garrus. Explaining that Shepard was indeed alive sent a wave of respectful nods and smiles through the group, but he asked for them to be quiet about it.

In all honesty, he wanted to tell everyone he saw that his girlfriend was alive, making her usual snappy remarks and complaining about the various casts she was forced to wear. He wanted to announce to all of the worlds that she was still here, and he would be damned if anything else would happen to her. Liara and Kaidan were the two that explained their theories of too many knowing Shepard was alive.

The commander would be seen as a symbol of perseverance, the leading example that despite their losses, they could push forward and rebuild. Whether she wanted to be or not, she would be seen as a beacon of hope by most. So many people would want to see her, or know she was doing something to help. Then, there would be those that saw Shepard as the cause of everything. People tended to redirect their grief and suffering into anger, and Shepard would be the perfect target. No matter what she did, some would always see her as the monster that brought the end of all they knew. Logic pointed to those people wanting to hurt Shepard as some kind of justification for what they had to go through.

Basically, if everyone knew, Shepard's life would be in constant danger yet again.

When she was ready, Shepard would have to face more challenges. For now, though, she earned the break. Of course Garrus wanted to see her every free moment he had, but subconsciously, he kept visiting the hospital to make sure no one tried to hurt her. If there was any moment to exact revenge of one of the most famous soldiers in history, it would be now.

Garrus excused himself from the table, offering his untouched food to any of the other turians that wanted it. He began walking toward the Linds building with a few nods and short greetings to some passersby. Rain once again fell around them, this time in a misty haze, just short of be considered fog. The gray overcast around West End gave him a strangely ominous feeling. It wasn't very common for him to feel so uneasy. Miranda reassured him that the surgery for Shepard's prosthetic would be no real danger to her, and he trusted they knew what they were doing well enough … but he couldn't ignore the weight in his stomach.

He increased his pace.

* * *

**A/N (Might be a little long, sorry!): **I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates! I've had a blur of "new video game syndrome" with _GTA V, _along with a rather unexpected development. Actually, I've adopted a kitten. He's been staying with me this past week, so we've had to do a lot training-wise and bonding time. Plus, he's made it a bit harder to type since he wants to bat at my fingers as I write. Fortunately, for now, he's curled up sleeping in my lap. Hopefully I can use this time to get some more written. I'll do my best to get up a couple more chapters in a few days. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read _Aftermath_ and having such patience waiting for updates. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

Oh, and if anyone's curious, my kitten seems to be a fan of his name: Garrus.


	29. Normandy (Cabin)

For as long as she could remember, Shepard felt the need to take a shower when she was too stressed out. Maybe it was the comfort of the warmth running down her skin, or how the constant streaming water drowned out any other sound around her. In any case, she was able to calm her thoughts, standing under the water as she closed her eyes. A regular, mundane routine distracted her just long enough from the issues outside of her bathroom.

The Normandy was on its way to the Omega-4 relay, to attempt to save the crew that had been gathered and taken by the Collectors. Joker was the only one left on the ship when Shepard and the rest of her squad mates came back. He explained that EDI was now an unshackled, completely independent AI, and there was a more than certain chance that the Cerberus crew was going to be killed by the Collectors as part of their human harvesting.

Considering how confident she was becoming about facing the alien threat, the realization that they had come so close to taking not only the crew, but _everyone_ on the Normandy made her falter. She felt she pushed so hard against the threat on her race, and even she had to admit that it still wasn't good enough. The commander couldn't deny that she blamed herself for the crew's capture. Instinctually, she knew she should have left some of the squad on the ship while she went off-planet. Hell, she did that all the other times before … and her senses screamed at her to make Grunt, Jacob, Mordin, Jack, Miranda, _somebody_ stay with the Normandy. If they had, maybe none of this would have happened.

Reluctantly turning the shower off, she stood in the stall for a long moment, feeling droplets travel down her back as they beaded at the end of her hair. In here, she could pretend she wasn't the captain of a ship that was responsible for saving human existence. She could be just a simple woman, not this regenerated commander who was meant to possibly rescue the galaxy as they knew it. Handling that kind of pressure was unusually bearable for Shepard most days, but even she was human. It all became too much. _When in doubt, fake it._ For now, she had to convince herself (and everyone else) that she could handle it.

There were no other options.

She took her time drying off, and then debated momentarily about putting on her casual clothes. More than anything, she wanted to slip into something comfortable, so she could curl up into a ball on her bed and just attempt to forget what was happening, at least for a little bit longer … No, she had to focus on what she needed to do.

Her casual clothes, she heaved a sigh and stepped through the doorway of her bathroom into the rest of her cabin. She focused on her desk chair, thinking about going through the schematics of the Normandy one more time. The upgrades that everyone offered had been installed, but she had—

"Hey," a deep voice said behind her.

His sub-harmonics immediately sent a shiver through her body. The commander tried her best to press down her surprise as she turned to look at the turian. Convincing Garrus to consider "blowing off steam" together was a moment where her actual confidence level was overshadowed by her ability to fake it. She was Commander Shepard, damn it. The Alliance soldier who was able to solve more disputes, end more battles, save more lives than most humans alive. Yet propositioning a turian man to sleep with her was by far the most terrifying (and probably idiotic) thing she had ever done.

In all honesty, she had no idea if his story about him and the female recon scout was a hint that he was interested or not, but in that moment, she decided she would try to see what would happen. After all, with Kasumi putting the idea in her head, she began to realize that she had the chance to feel something more for Garrus than just a battlefield partnership. Once accepting that she _did_ have feelings for him, she debated with herself for even longer about what she was to do about it.

Helping him with Sidonis made her believe that he didn't need the distraction of his commanding officer admitting to having a crush on him. There were more important tasks at hand. But hearing him talk about turian preparations, she found herself using the most ridiculous "sultry" voice she had ever done (which she scolded herself about for months) to offer the idea to Garrus. Their conversations afterward reassured her a lot about the stupid idea she had. Garrus seemed more nervous about it than she did by the end of it, which truthfully made her a bit more confident.

Offering a physical relationship was the best she could convince herself to do for now. Previous history was proof enough that it was something Shepard could handle. She was able to shut off her emotions that way, to just enjoy the moment as it happened, then wake up the next morning and pretend it never happened. That would be enough for her.

Seeing him standing in her cabin, a bottle of wine in hand, looking physically nervous in his civilian clothes … she knew that she wouldn't be able to shut off those feelings.

"I brought wine," he explained, lifting up the bottle in his hand. "Best I could afford on a vigilante's salary."

The commander couldn't help smiling, leaning away from him and crossing her arms. Garrus smiled back before turning and heading over to her wall console without pause. His movements were rushed, almost clumsy in a very uncharacteristic way. It was natural for the turian to glide across the battlefield from cover to cover, his sniper rifle practically an extension of his body. But here, it seemed like his mind was getting ahead of his body; he was thinking too hard. A couple of taps on the console, and music began playing throughout Shepard's cabin. Garrus turned to look at her again, his arms spread out in an unusual "I'm not sure what to do with my body." gesture.

Shaking her head, Shepard walked over to him, pausing to stand in front of him. He tensed up as she came nearer.

"If you were a turian … I'd be complimenting your waist or flange," he blurted in a smooth voice. "So, um … your … hair looks … good. And your waist is … very supportive."

The woman tried to keep from laughing, though she couldn't fight the smile from her face. It was so strange to see Garrus at a loss. The idea of it instantly relaxed her. She was nervous, too, definitely, but knowing he was just as well helped her look past it. More than anything, with him there, attempting to be flirtatious and suave, she knew how much Garrus did care about her. At the end of the day, they both knew they needed this. Shepard was just glad to have someone she trusted whole-heartedly in front of her.

"Hopefully that's not offensive in human culture," Garrus went on, seeming to lose some of his forced confidence as she remained quiet. He looked away, shaking his head and groaning. "I knew I should've watched the vids—"

Shepard held up a hand, touching one of his mandibles with a smile. "Consider me seduced, smooth-talker," she joked. "Now shut up and stop worrying."

The music seemed too loud and distracting to her; she turned to shut it off.

Coming back to him, Garrus looked down to the ground once more, exasperated. "I—I just …" He sighed, not meeting her eyes. A sadness came to his voice as he went on. "I've seen _so many_ things go wrong, Shepard. My work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis … I want something to go right …"

The turian finally met her eyes, and Shepard could see more than just nervousness there. Here was the moment that he was letting his guard down, finally exposing her to his own type of weakness. It was as if he was asking her to accept it, to be the one he could have complete faith in. Maybe he was even asking if she could do the same for him. That was when Shepard realized this was more than just a physical relationship … for both of them.

"Just once," he finished his thought, still searching her face. "Just—"

Shepard reached up and ran her hand gently down the bandaged side of his face, remembering the moment where she almost lost him. Now, more than ever, she hoped she would never have to experience that again. The turian leaned down his tall frame, gently pressing his forehead against her own, running his fingers up her arm.

Kissing his mouth plates caught both of them by surprise, but Garrus didn't shy away. He put his arms around her waist, feeling her body in timid touches, asking permission to continue. It was going to be slightly unusual for them, they had to adjust to each other's bodies and be conscious of one another. Shepard hadn't been with anybody for quite some time, so she was worried about her performance.

After a couple of minutes of rushed and clumsy actions, Garrus tried to move Shepard closer to the couches in a smooth motion, but caught his foot on the table. Shepard had her hands around his carapace, so she didn't even notice his lost footing until the turian man dropped on top of her on the couch. Her breath escaped her in a rush from the unexpected pressure. Garrus immediately pulled himself up and away from her.

"Are you all right?" he asked hurriedly. "I'm sorry I—"

He stopped when Shepard caught her breath and began laughing hysterically. She honestly didn't mean to; it just kind of happened. Garrus's eyebrow-plates shot up in surprise as she straightened up and held a hand to her mouth. Catching a hold of his hand before he could pull away, she laced her fingers with his, her middle and ring fingers between his two gloved ones.

"I'm fine," she giggled.

"Is that a normal human thing?" he questioned. "Laughing when your partner almost crushes you?"

Shepard shrugged with a grin. "Probably not."

"I suppose you're no normal human, then."

"Never have been." Pressing her lips against his mouth-plates again, she sighed. "I guess I'm more nervous than I thought."

Garrus chuckled. "Damn. And here I was hoping you had this whole thing figured out already."

She laughed again as her hand ran the length of his arm. "Hey, you have to work for it, Vakarian."

His mandibles flared before he bent down to rub them against the exposed skin of her neck. "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

The turian held her hand as they traveled down the elevator to the CIC deck. He became extremely concerned after Shepard's face began to swell up slightly, an allergic reaction that Mordin had warned her about. Despite the slight pain, Shepard didn't even try to hide her smile.

After they had laughed at themselves for a moment, the rest of their time in her cabin went surprisingly well. Save for a few scratches from Garrus's talons on her arms and legs, she was no worse for wear. Having the thicker skin, she was hardly able to leave traces of her own nails on his skin. Garrus laughed when she pointed it out, saying that she would just have to try harder neck time. Out of retaliation, she bit at the exposed skin of his neck, hence the reaction.

"Mordin is going to lecture you for at least an hour," Garrus shook his head.

"You challenged me," she answered. "I had no choice." She bumped her shoulder into him gently. "Besides, I could tell you were a fan of the gesture."

His rumbling chuckle sent shivers through her as he turned to her. "I was a fan of plenty of your gestures, Shepard."

He leaned down to kiss her right before the elevator doors opened, exposing them to the empty galaxy map area. Shepard's smile faltered as they stepped out. For a couple of hours, Garrus had helped her forget what they were up against. Now, it all came back to her with a wave of guilt. The turian squeezed her fingers in his hand, sensing her change in mood.

"I know how you feel," he sighed. "But we'll get them."

"We have to," Shepard answered sadly.

Pausing in front of the door to the lab, Garrus brought her hand to his mouth-plates, kissing her knuckles gently. A small smile came back to Shepard's face.

"Sure you don't want me to go in with you?" he asked.

"Oh, you want to hour-long lecture, too?" she joked.

"Of course not. Just trying to be courteous. It is half my fault, after all."

"I'll be all right. Thank you, though."

He kissed her hand once more. "Of course. So … provided we make it through our little suicide mission …"

Shepard went up to her tip-toes to kiss him. "I'll meet you in my cabin."

"Deal. Down to business?"

"Down to business. See you at the shuttle?"

"I'm right behind you, Shepard."

The commander nodded before kissing him once more. Garrus pulled away to make his way back to the elevator quietly. As he did so, she felt a strange twinge in her left arm, right below her elbow. She put her right hand to her left arm and squeezed, puzzled. Suddenly, it was difficult for her left fingers to bend. Just as quickly as the sensation came, it was gone. Mordin never mentioned strange feelings in the limbs with the reaction …

She opened the door to the lab, where the scientist salarian hummed to himself, focusing on the work at his table. His fingers worked fluently over a holographic keyboard as his humming intensified. Shepard stepped toward him before he finally turned his attention to her. He smiled, closing his eyes for a moment with a content sigh.

"No worries, Shepard," he said in his rapid voice. "Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

Before she could respond, the air around Mordin seemed to explode, engulfing him in red flames. Shepard tried to run to him, shouting out to him, but she couldn't make herself move. The ground shook around the two of them as she reached out, trying desperately to reach him. As another explosion made her ears ring violently, she fell backward, landing hard on a smooth metal floor, debris flying past her.

Biotics shot from her body instinctively, trying to defend herself from the blasts. Her body was on fire, pain beyond description racked her brain, freezing her in place. The young, yet metallic voice rang in her ears, echoing over the din of the explosions.

_"The paths are open … but you have to choose."_

She wasn't completely sure if it was the explosions she heard anymore … or the screams raking her throat.

* * *

**A/N: **I feel as if I've been apologizing way too much on this fic lately ... my update routine has been slipping terribly, and I have to say I'm sorry. I've been coming across some difficulty being satisfied with how everything sounds, so I have this vicious cycle of type-delete-retype-delete again going on lately. All the same, I hope you like the chapter, and thank you for being so patient for me while I update!


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